When a Mom is Not a Loser

Tonight (it's 4am), I was feeling a little bit like the worst mom in the world.  My little boy is up every few hours to puke for his first bout with stomach-sickness ever.

We used to joke around in my family that because puke is the one thing I positively cannot handle (not even in movies--the WORST scene in The Sixth Sense to me was the puking one) that I better marry a man who could take care of that part of child-raising.  I've never been able to see/hear/smell it without joining in myself.  Is this TMI yet?  It gets better . . .

I thought that after having James do the baby spit-up thing all over me that I was now super-mom and up to anything.  But tonight, reality hit me square in the nose.  James puked.  I rushed in to help.  Larry told me to get away.  I tried to help.  I came; I saw; I ran into the 2nd nearest bathroom and lost my dinner.

Mom fail.

Larry, all night, has been the one holding James as he heaves and the one stripping his bed.  I've been on find-another-sheet and find-more-pjs and get-a-wet-washcloth and double-wash-a-million-loads-of-laundry duty.  In my head, the mom is supposed to be the one who inspires her husband with her heroic level of sacrifice directly with the sick child.  That's always how it was growing up in my family, and I can't thank my mom enough for being that woman.

Tonight, I learned a different (and more essential) truth about the roles of spouses.  Their roles are to support each other and to sacrifice for each other.  If puke is the one thing I can't directly handle, Larry loves me enough not to hold it against me and to pitch in at the crucial moments.  This doesn't mean I ditch him and leave him to handle it all on his own.  It means that we each sacrifice in the middle of the night for the sake of our son in the way that we are able to.  And we both become holier in the process, not by outshining each other in heroism, but in complementing each other's strengths and weaknesses with love and patience.

I read this article tonight as I was trying to eat something to keep my energy levels up for the sake of baby #2 that I'm responsible for protecting inside me right now.  I love how she talks about motherhood as a gift to help us work on our weaknesses, not as a reward for those who are already strong.

It's funny how God can confirm one's vocation in unlikely moments.  As Larry, James, and I slumped on the floor praying a decade of the rosary that Momma Mary would watch over our little guy and help him sleep, I was so happy.  Tired, a little overwhelmed, but so happy because my family loves each other, loves God, and loves me--even when I feel incompetent.  True love is stronger than any illness or inconvenience or failing; it builds up persons (children and adults) and shows the evils of this world to be only passing reminders that we are not yet the people we were created to become.  How merciful God is and how great is our hope in our eternal joy with Him!  Thank you Lord for the grace to transcend the moment, at least for now, and help us all get some needed sleep.  Amen.

[12 hours later: Update--James is doing well, slept beautifully for his nap, and has his appetite and a little energy back.  God is good!  Mommy got a nap too.  :)  ]

Ready, Set, Go! . . . or Not

The above phrase is probably one of my little guy's favorites. It often sends him running down a long hallway or sidewalk (until he figures out that it's a trick being used to get him to finish our walk without me carrying him).  Between school and home, I spend a large portion of my time and energy motivating others.  The jury is still out on who takes more convincing: my son to be still for a diaper change or the high school senior athlete who doesn't want to read Chaucer in Middle English.

However, the result of all this is that I'm not very good at conjuring the energy to motivate myself.  Somehow my brain has just enough energy to shoot out 3 or 4 excuses for inaction, and then my do-to list dissipates into bits of "necessary" research and reading, cooking, and clutter-cleaning instead of the larger tasks I ought to tackle.  In addition, my little man really likes to be underfoot if he senses any productivity going on while he's awake.

The crazy thing is that I have all the leadership and organizational training to work efficiently.  I know how to eat well and supplement to keep my energy up.  And yet . . . nothing.

Recently, I've been reflecting on how my ideals can easily become my false reason for laziness.  I focus on my ideal until I've realized that I let myself down.  Then, I become entangled in my own tiredness and frustration and accomplish zip.  Let me paint you a picture:

• We got back from a trip late late last night and I know I ought to clean the house and start on some of my projects.
• However, I was so tired that I couldn't get myself out of bed to get started on anything by the time my boys were already up.
• Then, we remembered that our new oven was being delivered today.  [Keep in mind that our downstairs looks like the lost baggage office of the airport combined with the clearance toy aisle on Black Friday.]
• Meanwhile, James was rather "sensitive" (aka cranky) this morning after all the traveling and some congestion.
• So, my morning was spent making breakfast, cleaning the half of the kitchen that surrounded the oven, and taking a walk with James to keep him distracted until nap time.
• Nap time starts, oven arrives; I feel too tired to get anything further done so I try reading for school--too tired to concentrate; I try sleeping--phone rings and my mind is too busy; I try working--I can't even focus on getting anything done and am puttering about.
• My ideal after-travel day is down the drain by 1:30, and I resort to blogging. [Sorry!]

The funny thing is, if I just decided on one small task and ate lunch before it to get my energy back up, I'd probably be fine.  However, my time management goes all to pieces when there's no pressure and I end up here.

I wish I needed suggestions; but, I already know what I ought to do and how I avoid the present moment and tasks at hand by focusing on my failed ideals and then becoming nearly inert.

What I probably need is a good kick in the pants and several solid nights' sleep.  Or a cheerleader, or a helper.  Anyone want to come and visit?  :)  I'm great at social work!  (The type where you work while socializing, not the find good homes for abused kids sort.)

Ok, I'm going to go follow my own advice.  Best of luck to any of you who have also hit the summer slump.

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Patience and Productivity

Last night, my little one cried for two hours before falling to sleep.  A combination of stuffy nose and teething probably had something to do with it, but no combination of singing, rocking, teething gel, patting, soothing words, prayers, etc. seemed to help him.  On nights like that, I have to remind myself that patience is a choice.  There is a concrete moment (or several points) at which one must step back, consciously relax every wound up muscle in my body, entrust him to God's care and the comfort of his angel, and wait. . . . I'm not very good at waiting.

God can give me that peace in the midst of life daily frustrations.  I know that inside.  But sometimes I think His form of help is to wait with me, rather than to fix the situation, which is often what I would rather him to do.

Last night, I was reminded how beautifully my husband reflects that compassion (etymologically, that "suffering with or alongside") that Christ offers us.  As we lay in bed between visits to Rip van Winkle's antipode, my husband reached over and held my hand for a while.  I know he wasn't feeling very peaceful himself, but that one little gesture of affection and solidarity made the whole situation bearable.  Men, it really is the little things that count, the little things that help get your wives one step closer toward sainthood.

Perhaps in the areas of housework and homework, those were a wasted two hours.  But in the school of love, moments like that can be the most valuable hours of all . . . if used well.  God help me.

Image source

A Win/Win Situation

My little man has just learned how to stack big cardboard blocks to make towers.  He equally enjoys "crashing" them.  The best part about this activity is that it's a win/win situation--if he succeeds in building the tower, he cheers; if the tower falls immediately upon completion, he cheers.

I only wish I could have that attitude about the little successes and failures in my own life:
>Upon doing something well, I would cheer and then move on to the next thing, neither dwelling pridefully on my achievement nor failing to rejoice appropriately for the good that has been accomplished.
>Upon failing at a goal I had made, I would joyfully set about trying again and detaching from any false pride that leads to frustrations.  (You know, the whole "why am I not superwoman and able to accomplish an inhuman amount of tasks in a limited amount of time?" guilt complex . . . or maybe that's just me.)

An attitude of constant acceptance and praise reminds me of Job from the Old Testament.  He loses everything dear to him (except for his wife who tells him to "curse God and die" and his friends who tell him he's a big sinner and is being justly punished), and then his immediate response is to dress humbly in mourning clothes and proclaim, "The Lord giveth & the Lord taketh away.  Blessed is the name of the Lord!"

I think I've failed or come up short in nearly every one of my goals for this last month.  My prayer is that Christ will give me the peace to detach from my ideals of success and my illusions of personal ability.  Rather, I need to move forward, do my utmost to be a more faithful disciple of His, and keep a smile on my face.

Mother Teresa once said that we are not called to be successful, we are called to be faithful.

Thank goodness!

Image source

Smart Kids

You have to check this video out. :)

How often do parents think about how their kids might care for them in turn someday?  Larry and I joke about it with James.  Our parents mention it on occasion and aren't joking about it.  But I think we all like to look at parent dependence as being somewhat far in the future.

This video is a cute (b/c everything turned out fine) reminder that children are able to reciprocate some of that love and care parents model at a much younger age.  How beautiful that this little girl thinks to comfort her father instead of just talking to the guy at the 911 call center!  [I also love that she doesn't see her outfit as modest enough for visitors.]  A kid like that doesn't develop that poise all at once.  In a time of crisis, she's probably copying behavior that she's seen modeled time and again for minor emergencies and accidents.  We don't just end up with kids who desire to care for us in our old age (or any other time of need); we form them through every incident we respond to with love and every disruption we react to with calmness and creativity.

It gives me great hope (and a sense of awe) to view the daily interactions I have with my son (even though he's too young to consciously remember any of them) as formative to his future character.  Personality and personal choice definitely come into play as well; I can't absolutely determine his future (thank goodness!)  However, raising children is an art--an old and honored one.  And the result can more beautiful than any molded clay or colored canvas.

Clutter Clutter Everywhere and Not a Spot to Think

It's amazing how quickly the clutter monster invades my house on busy weeks.  I'm pretty sure he's secretly teaching James bad habits too, because I certainly didn't propose "Tupperware terror" as a new game idea.

I think that's what my mom was warning me about years ago when she told me to put away one thing before I took something else out.  At the time, I thought that inhibited my creativity ("I can't!  I'm using both of those things right now!")  Now, I'm just not sure it's humanly possible--at least not for someone 2/3 sanguine.  There have certainly been times when I reach the "if there is no visible dirt line, mold, or dust balls, it's good to go" state of mind.  I don't think I'll ever reach the level of pristine perfection my grandparents have achieved.

However, several motivating factors are capable of making me drop every other thing on my eternal check-list and do some hard-core scrubbing and sorting:

1) A guest coming--It's a very good thing for us to have at least one over-night guest and one dinner guest or play-date a month.  That way both the upstairs and down get a very thorough going over once or twice a month.

2) Major frustration (esp. if Larry's not in the mood to distract me in another way)--When life seems like it's taking over and I'm overly involved in situations that I can't change, I show life that I still can change something and go to town on anything dirty that's within arm's reach.

3) Larry says something--This is a rarity, and my usual, initial (interior) reaction is to mark his small comment as vastly unjustified.  However, then the bit of humility that helps inform my conscience kicks in, and I ignore all else until I can justify myself as a decent housewife again.

Someday . . .
I just hope that when I hit the pearly gates God will ask me something about love and not ironing.  Though, His standard of loving is pretty darn high too.

Mommy Rhapsody & Dad Rap

There are certain things kids will never understand about their mom's.  An obsessions with strange songs from "ancient history" is one of those things.  But in all fairness, after enough nights spent rocking a puking child or looking for monsters under the bed that you could have sworn you finally exterminated last week, a little humor is what keeps us sane . . . ok, mostly sane.  Enjoy!



Oh wait . . . maybe those late nights do something to dads too.

Simplicity

Some days I have to remind myself to un-complicate life.  My emotions, my desires, my piles of paper, my plans . . . all these things can get very complicated.  The result is that I get frustrated and feel helpless and stupid (the two ways I least like to feel).

I also tend to misdiagnose myself.  For example: "I wish I didn't have so much to do" often should be translated, "I overestimated my ability to accomplish inhuman amounts of projects this week.  I need to make more modest goals," OR "I was a lazy bum and didn't do my work when James was asleep."

My ways to un-complicate life:
1st--Pray.  I can guarantee that if I'm stressed, it has something to do with my prayer life being on cruise-control or m.i.a.
2nd--Make a List.  Then, make a more reasonable one (or just use a highlighter) to mark what I can actually do today.
3rd--Add Beauty.  Beautiful things calm me down . . . a quiet moment with my husband, a cup of tea, classical music in the background as I work, a conversation with my sister on the phone while I conquer those pesky proliferating dirty dishes, or a simple arrangement of flowers that makes me want to clear off the family desk dining room table so I can showcase them better.

Funny how the best therapy is much cheaper than a professional massage or fancy vacation (though those can be lovely too).  Sometimes the best remedy for a stressful, busy life is to just decide to make it simpler.

What do you do to simplify your life?

Pic: Some of my very first flowers that I've ever successfully grown . . . in my husband's cool-shaped beer bottle (b/c my bud vase went eternally missing during one of my moves.)  Can you tell I'm proud of my gardening adventures?!

My Twirling Mind: Googoo, Gaga, & Gye

When we think of a mom multitasking, we often picture her talking on the phone, catching the cabinet door before it smashes an inquisitive baby's fingers, and washing the dishes . . . simultaneously.  [Oh wait, that wasn't a stereotype, that was me about 3 minutes ago.]  However, a mother must multitask not only physically but also mentally.  I'm going to qualify how this happens in my life through 3 nonsense words: Googoo, Gaga, & Gye.

GooGoo
This is my "mom-brain" mode.  I speak gibberish with my son and he responds in kind.  I ask him about his little life in my higher-pitched "talking to something small and cute voice".  Sometimes, it's easier to talk to my husband (or about my husband) in the same tone, just to avoid switching too much.  "James!  Does Jameser's like avocado for dinner? Mmmmmm!  How about Dada?  Does Dada want beer with dinner tonight?  Yay for beer after long days at work!"  Ahem.  I mean, "Hun, do want a beer or iced tea?"
Sometimes after a long day in "mommy mode", it's difficult to switch out.  It's especially hard to interpolate intellectual or spiritual reading into my schedule.  "James, can you play nicely with your blocks while Mommy tries to learn Middle English?  Yay blocks!"  Yes, I am that crazy.

Gaga
As in Lady Gaga.  I know very little about her . . . I like it that way.  However, I teach teens and I live in the world.  Thus, it is prudent and useful for me to know something about what's going on beyond the front doors of my house or the school.  Being connected to current issues and events also helps me to discuss something "adult" but not work-related with my husband over dinner.  I also think it is crucial to be an informed voter in a society that's moral standing is tenuous at best.

Yet, I must be careful of two things: first, that my time online or listening to talk radio does not absorb an inordinate amount of time, and secondly, that I do not lose my virtue of hope or charity as I listen to the disheartening fusillade of attacks on human dignity, modesty, discretion, peace, truth, etc. that make up the majority of "news".

Thus, this secondary form of "mental multitasking" is the attempt to live in this world, as I am called to do as an adult, Christian citizen.

Gye
Gye is not really a nonsense word; it just sounds like one to the modern audience.  It is actually the Middle English verb for "to guide".  Since I'm currently studying that form of English, this term will suffice to represent for me my call both to seek guidance in my life and to be a guide to others, especially to my child.  Therefore, the tertiary mental mode that I must attempt to develop is that of an intellectual and spiritual person.

Depending on one's natural aptitude for such things, the "intellectual life" of several mothers could all look rather different.  I think what's important is that we seek some adult conversation and reading to incorporate into our lives that helps us to learn how to be a better person.  I've read that the best way for a dad to be a good father is for him to love his wife unconditionally.  This points towards a truth that applies to mothers as well.  When I myself am a good person (or at least am striving to be saintly), I am serving my children.  Parents are the primary educators of their children.  As such, we must be actively thinking people, not passive receptors of advice, news, cultural trends, and modes of behavior.  Our children need to see integrity and discernment practiced by their parents.

Our intellectual lives are intimately linked with our spiritual lives; our intellect is an active principle of our souls.  [Please, don't rake me over the coals for the philosophical inexactitude of that statement.]  Our intellect should (ideally) govern our wills, and it is in our chosen activities that we live out our moral lives.

For example, I read a great book like The Hidden Power of Kindness for a few minutes before bed.  I reflect on what I have read and apply it to myself and realize that I have not been as considerate of others as I could be by failing to be on time.  The next day, remembering the previous reflection, even though my passions say, "Sleep in late.  Take it easy this morning.  Rushing around won't help you start the day on a good foot," I know that I need to be on time for an appointment.  My intellectual knowledge of the good helps me reorient my will to chose the best action, and I stumble toward the shower.

This last area of mental development calls us to a life beyond the pressing needs of the moment.  This is the "not of the world" component of the Christian life that focuses us on our eternal purpose and on the deeper significance of our sometimes mundane tasks.  Taking time to reorient our lives according to a truth beyond ourselves helps us to live for others and to live for God; this mental practice enriches our lives.

The Catch
A person a peace is not divided and is not artificial.  How do I switch between mom with son, wife with spouse, and teacher with students modes and yet stay at peace?  How do I gracefully live life as a loving woman who lives in but not of this world?

I've heard it takes a lot of practice and patience to be able successfully to juggle three balls.  I have not yet tried juggling for more than about 15 minutes.  Juggling these three mental modes can be challenging.  The pursuit of wisdom is not a task for the faint of heart.  I certainly don't have it figured out yet; I am continually realizing that I am neglecting one or two of the above mental modes.  Occasionally, I feel that I'm failing at all three [when I'm in "zombie overload mode" and just want a glass of wine and a stupid chick flick.]  However, I know that it's a worthy pursuit.

Proverbs 14:1
The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.

I want to build up my husband and children and friends.  I want to create a home that will be a safe haven of virtue and peace and a thriving source of life and love.  If Wisdom will help me to accomplish those goals, then God help me to seek her.

James 1:5
If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

What do you do to balance and develop these "mental modes" in your life?


Image:http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3451/3900229689_f95d1fed37.jpg

7 Habits of a Happy Marriage

This is a GREAT article.  Read it . . . all of it . . . don't skim read.  And then think about how you can apply each habit more deeply to your life and your marriage.  Don't you dare say, "I've got that one down already," because we can all grow in more perfectly loving our spouse.  (If you truly do have one or all of these down perfectly, come hang out with me and maybe it will rub off).

Image: http://moncafevert.com/img/man_woman_coffee.jpg

The Cool People Are Doing It

Shout out to all the cool moms and dads out there with their own "Swagger Wagons"!

[Thanks Christy for the link!]

Mother & Child: An Unbreakable Bond

This is a fascinating article about how a mother receives some cells from her unborn child and her child in turn receives some of the mother's cells.  These cells remain in eachother's bodies for years.  Scientists have discovered that the "foreign" cells (esp. from a healthy mother's body) actually cluster and repair weakened or sickened tissue within the child's body, and the child's cells similarly repair the mother's body.  This is why some women with various life-long illnesses and auto-immune disorders will temporarily feel well during pregnancy.

How beautiful is it that God designed mothers and children biologically to help each other even on the cellular level.  I'll keep that in mind if any of my children ever goes through one of those "rebellious teen phases"; even if I cannot help them emotionally at that time, my cells are in their body helping to counteract the effects of stress and strain on their organs.  There's something kinda creepy and mostly really cool about that . . .

Vicki Thorn | Headline Bistro

Posted using ShareThis

Image from: http://msp190.photobucket.com/albums/z41/starlitshores/mother_child.jpg

To All Mothers . . .

I used to think fancy dinners out or going to show or traveling was a nice occasional luxury.
Now, I think that painting my nails, long showers, or eating with everyone else is a real treat.

I used to think that self-sacrifice meant staying up until 11 or 12 to talk to a friend who was going through a hard time.
Now, I think that self-sacrifice is not having slept through the night in almost a year . . . and still thinking that every late-night "party" is worth the effort.

I used to think that mothers were sensitive to movie violence and to other people's tragedies because they were weak.
Now, I know that they are empathetic because they are strong and they feel others' pain as if it were their own to help bear.

I used to do laundry once a week, sometimes once every two weeks if I had extra sheets or towels.
Yeah, that was a long time ago . . .

I used to seek for verbal affirmation when I served others.
Now, hugs that smell like little boy sweat and dirty hands reaching towards me are a beautiful reward.

I used to have quiet time for prayer and meditation.
Now, I've learned to pray often amidst noise and while busy, because otherwise I wouldn't survive.

I used to think I was multi-tasking when I talked to someone while cooking.
Now, the only time I'm not multitasking is when I'm asleep . . . maybe.

I used to think my husband was wonderful because he bought me flowers or took me on a long drive through the mountains.
Now, I think my husband is wonderful because I couldn't live without him.

To all the mothers out there who can relate, I wish you a beautiful and blessed Mother's Day!  May Christ's Mother, Mary, intercede on your behalf that Christ may grant you strength when you're tired, peace when you're busy, and joy as she had in the presence of the Lord all of your days.

Image from: http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f61/christine_daae_Phantoms_Angel/victorian%20paintings/mother20and20child20full20and20colo.jpg

Am I a Bad Mom?

Some days, I'm not sure if my parenting techniques are actually based on solid, logical/philosophical ground or if I'm just making up excuses for what's easier.

For instance, as I type (my way of defragging after a long day) my son is playing VERY happily with a clock with a cord that is much longer than the "maximum" 7 inches.  He's not gnawing on it, he's not strangling himself, he's being watched, and he's gloriously happy and gurgling.

Other "expressly forbidden" activities he loves are nursing snacks at night, crawling in grass (and sometimes eating it), standing while holding my fingers, convincing his daddy to give him cardboard to chew on, avoiding sunscreen, and playing with lots of people who have not washed their hands yet.

"They" say these are horrible things.

I say he is building his immune system, exploring his world and learning, and loving the whole thing.

Sometimes I think all those baby advice columnists and authors are really helpful.  For instance, I have really strong opinions about baby nutrition that I've researched obsessively.  Parents who have been there and done ALL that are very helpful too.

But often, I feel like tossing the books out the door and doing what comes naturally.  Sometimes, I think all the books in the world can't replace a mother's knowledge of her own child.

Excuse me, my son discovered a plastic shopping bag.  I'm going to make sure he doesn't suffocate himself while he explores.  :)

When I Grow Up . . .

I never thought I would be a full-time working teacher and mom.  As a very social child, it meant so much to me that my parents made the sacrifices necessary to let my mother stay at home with us for most of my growing-up years.  Then, I was (nearly simultaneously) blessed with a husband and a tiny life inside me, and we had to figure out both how to pay bills and be good parents.  My little boy now spends his days with Grandma and I teach during the day.  He's happy with Grandma exploring his little world; I'm at peace (though I miss him) and loving this time of year when I see my students make a maturity leap to prepare for the next grade level; and we all look forward to a day when we won't be quite so spread around.

Why do I write all of this?  Because if any of you are idealists, like me, I want to let you know that it's ok if your crystal dreams shatter.  They were only fragile because they were your dreams.   That is not to say that we should give up our ideals, just that we should give up our feeling of entitlement to some shimmery concept of an ideal life that doesn't contain tears or obstacles.

Today I discussed "priorities" with my students.  We talked about what happens when we think something is a priority (something valuable to us and worth dedicating time and effort towards because it adds to the goodness/happiness/peace of our lives) and discover that we can't achieve that which we desire.  I proposed that sometimes our goal is too narrow.  My desire is to spend nearly all my time with my family, but my husband must work (I can't try and prevent that!), and currently, I too must spend a few hours a day away from home.  My priority then must be to do what is best for my family and to invest deeply into those relationships in the time I have available to me.  That goal (like nearly any goal worth living and fighting for) is not achieved apart from some sacrifice.  Right now, that sacrifice is lending James to his loving Grandma to play with.  Later, it will be something else.  Like Matthew Kelly is fond of saying, one cannot say no to something that seems good without something deeper to say "yes" to.  It is because of a deeper "yes" that I can amend my goals and dreams and fix my gaze on the daily task at hand.

Holiness is a very "gritty" thing.  Living the authentically good life is not about merely thinking esoteric thoughts and writing down lofty goals.  It's about making real life decisions, not always knowing what you're getting into.  It's about blocking out the contentious voices of persuasion and discerning God's will in the gray areas.  It's about taking responsibility for your actions and having the humility to see when you've been wrong and when you've been right.  It's about realizing what's possible, and attempting what would be impossible but for the grace of God.

We come to a true crossroad in life only a few times, but we have many split paths to choose from.  Like Frost's "road less traveled," those small decisions to can make "all the difference."  I used to have this funny idea that I knew what my story would look like.  I would say that I wanted adventure, but what I really wanted was security and ease, plus a few pre-approved, unusual escapades.  However, God's map for my life has held more treasures in unexpected places than I ever would have found if I stuck to my rigid ideas of what I expected. 

I have discovered that freedom is not living the way you want, after all; it is the ability to detach from falsity and chimeras and to cast yourself with enthusiasm and faith into the hands of your Creator and thrive peacefully wherever He sees fit place you.

May you and I live in the present moment "gracefully," at peace in God's will.

One of Those Days

Snagged this pic from BabyCenter.com

It's been one of those days when God gives me lots of "opportunities for virtue" and it's up to me to accept them with grace.

When I think of Mary, I think of her as a woman "full of grace" not only in the sense that she was filled with the blessings and strength of God, but also in the sense that she dealt with each situation that came her way with a patient and loving attitude.  She was the most "graceful" of all women under pressure.  I'd like to be like that.

Meanwhile, I think I'll sip tea and see if I can half-nap on a pillow on the floor next to my busy son who is experimenting with his new-found rolling skills.

Favorite Mommy/Baby Items

Like any new mom, I asked for and received LOTS of advice in those first few months.  After extensively researching and then trying several different products, here are some of my favorites:

NursEase Nursing Shawl
[I found mine through Walmart.com]
* It has elastic and is a complete circle so you never feel like it can slip (or be pulled!) off of you.
*It's large enough (I got a medium) to cover a kicking active little person and it is very discrete in public since the organic paisley print at first glance just looks like a shawl.
* The material is soft and washes beautifully in the washing machine.  It also has a pocket for your nursing pads, and it bundles up really small & wrinkle-free for diaper bag storage.


Re-usable nursing pads by Milk Diapers

* These pads are less bulky, softer, and more washable than any others I've tried.  They are also fairly inexpensive compared to disposables and much much more comfortable.
* I've rarely had problems with leakage (and I didn't get the ones with the leak guard layer).


Karma Sling
* These are bought to fit (I have a size small from Target.com), so there is no ring that slides or digs into you.
* You can use it with their feet inside and bunched up when they are little or straddling you when they are older.  It works with the baby facing inwards or outwards too.  I used this constantly (several hours a day) until James reached 15 lbs.  He still fits in it fine, but it's heavy on my one shoulder to carry him for too too long.  However, I keep it in the car for quick, (mostly) hands-free trips to the store, etc.  He'll sleep in it too.
* It's easily washable.
* This carrier also can be used (see pic) to help stabilize older toddlers as well (most slings cannot).


Ergo Carrier
* These are expensive, but well worth every penny.  I have James (almost 20 lbs.) in it for around 4 hours every day.  He naps in it, chews on the soft sides, and quiets down in it when almost nothing else works.
* This carrier may be used front, back, or side with the child facing your body, and even larger children (small toddlers) can be in it.
* The sport carrier (the one we have) adjusts big enough for my 6'3" husband and small enough for his 5'5" size 2 wife.
* It puts most of the weight on your hips and distributes it on your shoulders.  Carrying James was giving me a lot of back problems until I started using this.
* It also supports more of his legs and backside than many carriers do (better for his development).  They also have infant inserts for newborns so you really can use this for about 2 years for each kid.


Circo Onesies

* This brand seems to have more stretch in it than many others (so they're easier to pull over wriggling limbs!)
* So far they've held up great in the wash too and are soft and comfortable.  They also have lots of cute patterns.
* I've gotten these at Target.

Boppy Pillow
For some reason, when everyone else says something is great, I immediately become skeptical until I've tried it for myself.  The Boppy craze was definitely one of those instances.  $30 for a pillow?!  However, I'm a convert.
* I've always loved using this for nursing.  It gives James and I both more stability, and I don't stress my neck, upper back, and arms as much trying to hold him in the correct position.
* It also made a comfortable postpartum seat cushion for me.
* James went through a time period when he would only nap in my arms or in the Boppy (supervised of course).
* Also, I got one of the "posh" ones (teddy bears) and it has washed beautifully despite being fuzzy and white.  Yay!

Pre & post natal vitamins: Super Nutrition Prenatal Blend
* Easy on the stomach and has much higher amounts of vitamins than most other brands
* Also has herbs that are good for labor and lactation
* All the ingredients are naturally derived (not synthetic) and are therefore more easily absorbed by the body
* Can be found at Whole Foods

Others:
* Kirkland diapers (at Cosco) are great for the price (super cheap!); Huggies all natural are softest
* Huggies wipes stay wet and are nice and thick (probably not great on the all natural front though)
* Burt's Bees Shampoo & Wash (& lotion) [Smells good and is all natural--a baby's skin is very absorbent, especially at bath time; I wouldn't want any toxins to be sucked in when he's getting cleaned]
* Blankets: this and this are my two favs.; both look like new despite daily use and they're so soft!
* Nursing pump: Medela Swing (though you'd want a double pump if you have to pump for everything; I only pump about a bottle a day for work)
* Bras: day & night
* Swing (goes both directions, batteries are lasting fine, great mobile, hold a heavier infant)
* Stroller (perfect in every way IF you have a big trunk like I do)
* Graco Pack & Play--his little happy place at school
* Diaper bag--hands free!

What are your favorites?!?

[In the interest of full disclosure: I have not recevied any discounts or free items from any of these retailers.  However, I wouldn't object if they wanted to give me something. :) ]

Wedding Feast of Cana

Fr. Tighe gave a beautiful homily today reflecting on the sacredness of the Sacrament of Marriage.  I wanted to share some phrases that struck me in particular.

Mothers are the primary vocation directors within the Church.

What a blessing and a responsibility!  Which raises other thoughts in my mind . . . Is our vocations crisis today largely due to mothers failing in thier calling to foster and encourage religious vocations?  I can already see, from my few months with Baby James, how easy it would be for a mother to be selfish and to be afraid to face a life apart from thier precious boy or girl.  The idea that my boy could be called to be a priest in another country or in a monastery (or married and far from home) takes courage to face.  However, having seen the joy that can be found in discovering one's vocation, my deepest desire for my son is that he too will discover and follow God's plan for him.  My mother-in-law once wisely said that, in a sense, we raise our children (espeically boys) to give them away.  May God bless me with the needed detachment to love my son 110% and still to support him 110% in his pursuit of God's will.

When you have problems in your marriage it's because of sin, because of selfishness.  You deal with the sin, and your marriage will be repaired.

Too often, we see men and women (like Adam & Eve) pointing the finger of blame at a spouse.  It's his anoying habits, her credit card bill, his work, and her over-sensitivity . . . Rather, we should make a resolution to rid ourselves of the excuses covering the broken and dirty areas of our hearts.  Family prayer may be the glue that sticks a family together; frequent Confession and an honest examination of conscience is what cleans out the grit and grime so that "glue" can stick.  I'm incredibly blessed to be married to a faithful, loving, and godly man, but that doesn't mean that we too have not and will not reach obstacles that we need to work through together.

Jesus, help all married couples and parents to imitate your parents, Joseph & Mary, as they struggle to create a domestic church and lead each other to heaven.

Rites of Passage

Yesterday, I was speaking with my sister & mother-in-law about birth order and the importance of "milestones" as you grow up.  By milestones, I do not mean just "big years" like 16, 18, and 21--important because of state-mandated minimum ages for driving, smoking, voting, and drinking alcohol.  Rather, we spoke of individual rites of passage within the family: when the girls could wear make-up or go on a date, when the boys could shoot a gun or go on a special trip with dad, and when each child could begin to have a later bedtime.

It occurred to me that, in our "everyone is perfectly equal, non-discriminatory" culture, siblings (and only children) are not told to wait for much of anything.  Why should Susie get to go to sleep over at a friends' house when Mary can't just because Susie is two years older?  "That's not fair!" cry younger siblings and equal-opportunists everywhere.  But perhaps it's not only fair (with maturity comes greater trust and responsibility), but necessary.

I would propose that children who are not given milestones or "rites of passage" to look forward to within the family will seek out their own "big firsts" outside of the family.  Instead of understanding a gradation of privileges as they approach adulthood, they only see two options.  Either they are children who can do practically anything and get almost anything OR they are adults who always can do what they want and get what they want.  This dynamic may exist for spoiled children who are placated by their guilt-ridden working parents, and it may also be a warped mentality in a family that just failed to properly distinguish between the maturity levels of the children.  The result is that the children, seeking to be "adult," look for adult activities and pleasures.  Too too often this leads to early experimentation in sexually-focused relationships as well as a curiosity in drugs and alcohol.  They will look for something that is forbidden now but will mark an entrance into a more adult world when they achieve their goal.

Rites of passage are a richly cultural part of life.  Our Roman Catholic culture and tradition offers a gradation of Sacraments (especially within the Rites of Initiation) that are intended to reflect and augment the spiritual maturity of the individual.  Many successful organizations have employed the same technique (the scouts come to mind.)  Each family is called to be a domestic church and also a building block within the larger community.  Thus, each family should have, to some extent, their own culture, complete with these rites of passage and age or maturity based privileges and gifts.

Ideas:
*In my dad's large family when ge grew up, you had to be a certain age before you received your own bike.
*My sisters and I each eagerly anticipated our 12 year old weekend trip with mom (where we learned about the birds and the bees and received a beautiful chastity ring).
* My cousins and I each had special trips that we went on with our grandparents at ages 7, 10, & 12.  We would go to an historical/educational location like Colonial Williamsburg or Lancaster County, PA.
*We had certain ages in my family for when we could wear make-up, get our ears pierced, date, sleep-over, stay up later, start practicing driving, etc.

Please share your own ideas and traditions.  As I start my family, this is something I'd love to have in mind (both through delayed privileges and through unique experiences).

Every Mom is a Working Mom

"A woman who is devoted to her home and her family is, in fact, working in a very real sense and making a very real contribution to the development of the country. Let it not be thought that the process of nation building takes place only outside the home. The woman who gives her time and talents to her home and family is not depriving her family by not earning a salary. On the contrary, she is making a very significant contribution to her children in a way no money can supply."
-Bishops of Kenya, Joint Pastoral Letter, 1979

Beautiful quotation I nabbed off of a friend's Facebook page!