Rites of Passage

Yesterday, I was speaking with my sister & mother-in-law about birth order and the importance of "milestones" as you grow up.  By milestones, I do not mean just "big years" like 16, 18, and 21--important because of state-mandated minimum ages for driving, smoking, voting, and drinking alcohol.  Rather, we spoke of individual rites of passage within the family: when the girls could wear make-up or go on a date, when the boys could shoot a gun or go on a special trip with dad, and when each child could begin to have a later bedtime.

It occurred to me that, in our "everyone is perfectly equal, non-discriminatory" culture, siblings (and only children) are not told to wait for much of anything.  Why should Susie get to go to sleep over at a friends' house when Mary can't just because Susie is two years older?  "That's not fair!" cry younger siblings and equal-opportunists everywhere.  But perhaps it's not only fair (with maturity comes greater trust and responsibility), but necessary.

I would propose that children who are not given milestones or "rites of passage" to look forward to within the family will seek out their own "big firsts" outside of the family.  Instead of understanding a gradation of privileges as they approach adulthood, they only see two options.  Either they are children who can do practically anything and get almost anything OR they are adults who always can do what they want and get what they want.  This dynamic may exist for spoiled children who are placated by their guilt-ridden working parents, and it may also be a warped mentality in a family that just failed to properly distinguish between the maturity levels of the children.  The result is that the children, seeking to be "adult," look for adult activities and pleasures.  Too too often this leads to early experimentation in sexually-focused relationships as well as a curiosity in drugs and alcohol.  They will look for something that is forbidden now but will mark an entrance into a more adult world when they achieve their goal.

Rites of passage are a richly cultural part of life.  Our Roman Catholic culture and tradition offers a gradation of Sacraments (especially within the Rites of Initiation) that are intended to reflect and augment the spiritual maturity of the individual.  Many successful organizations have employed the same technique (the scouts come to mind.)  Each family is called to be a domestic church and also a building block within the larger community.  Thus, each family should have, to some extent, their own culture, complete with these rites of passage and age or maturity based privileges and gifts.

Ideas:
*In my dad's large family when ge grew up, you had to be a certain age before you received your own bike.
*My sisters and I each eagerly anticipated our 12 year old weekend trip with mom (where we learned about the birds and the bees and received a beautiful chastity ring).
* My cousins and I each had special trips that we went on with our grandparents at ages 7, 10, & 12.  We would go to an historical/educational location like Colonial Williamsburg or Lancaster County, PA.
*We had certain ages in my family for when we could wear make-up, get our ears pierced, date, sleep-over, stay up later, start practicing driving, etc.

Please share your own ideas and traditions.  As I start my family, this is something I'd love to have in mind (both through delayed privileges and through unique experiences).