Does This Make Me Look Fat?

I was talking to my husband again last night about how frustrated I get with myself when I start obsessing over what other people think of me.  My mental publicity director starts wondering, "What will my student think of me after seeing me out and about with no make-up in a t-shirt and shorts?"  "What will that friend think of my e-mail I sent?"  "What did that person think of the conversation we just had; did I sound stupid?"  "What did my mom and dad think of my parenting of my son last week?  Did I look like a good mom?"

I'm ok with knowing that I have faults as well as talents and virtues.  [The being ok with having faults piece took quite a few years of prayer . . . ]  Now, I just have to be ok with the idea that other people may think I have faults too.  That's not so easy.  I like to be liked.  I like to be looked up to.  I prefer not to have awkward moments or to be embarrassed by my actions, words, or omissions.

Some of that sensitivity to the thoughts of others is fine--we live in community and should be considerate of those around us.  I should not sing nursery rhymes at the top of my lungs in the grocery aisle in the full confidence that I'm "being true to myself."  Courtesy is itself a virtue.  However, my personal publicity director is not virtuous.  That's one of those curses from the Fall; Eve and her female progeny are never sure that they won't be judged and objectified by others.  They struggle with not defensively judging others in turn.

I must constantly remind myself that I am loved.  God loves me infinitely; my husband loves me much more than I could ever deserve on my own merits.  My family and friends love me despite my faults.  James loves me totally in his own way--though that may also have something to do with milk.  :)

If you too struggle, read this.  Max Lucado's "You Are Special" is of my favorite stories about shedding the worries of self-doubt and relying on God instead.

Image: http://www.harrybliss.com/store/images/me_look_fat.jpg