The Daily Comedie

When a Mom is Not a Loser

2011-10-23T04:02:00.001-04:00

Tonight (it's 4am), I was feeling a little bit like the worst mom in the world. My little boy is up every few hours to puke for his first bout with stomach-sickness ever.

We used to joke around in my family that because puke is the one thing I positively cannot handle (not even in movies--the WORST scene in The Sixth Sense to me was the puking one) that I better marry a man who could take care of that part of child-raising. I've never been able to see/hear/smell it without joining in myself. Is this TMI yet? It gets better . . .

I thought that after having James do the baby spit-up thing all over me that I was now super-mom and up to anything. But tonight, reality hit me square in the nose. James puked. I rushed in to help. Larry told me to get away. I tried to help. I came; I saw; I ran into the 2nd nearest bathroom and lost my dinner.

Mom fail.

Larry, all night, has been the one holding James as he heaves and the one stripping his bed. I've been on find-another-sheet and find-more-pjs and get-a-wet-washcloth and double-wash-a-million-loads-of-laundry duty. In my head, the mom is supposed to be the one who inspires her husband with her heroic level of sacrifice directly with the sick child. That's always how it was growing up in my family, and I can't thank my mom enough for being that woman.

Tonight, I learned a different (and more essential) truth about the roles of spouses. Their roles are to support each other and to sacrifice for each other. If puke is the one thing I can't directly handle, Larry loves me enough not to hold it against me and to pitch in at the crucial moments. This doesn't mean I ditch him and leave him to handle it all on his own. It means that we each sacrifice in the middle of the night for the sake of our son in the way that we are able to. And we both become holier in the process, not by outshining each other in heroism, but in complementing each other's strengths and weaknesses with love and patience.

I read this article tonight as I was trying to eat something to keep my energy levels up for the sake of baby #2 that I'm responsible for protecting inside me right now. I love how she talks about motherhood as a gift to help us work on our weaknesses, not as a reward for those who are already strong.

It's funny how God can confirm one's vocation in unlikely moments. As Larry, James, and I slumped on the floor praying a decade of the rosary that Momma Mary would watch over our little guy and help him sleep, I was so happy. Tired, a little overwhelmed, but so happy because my family loves each other, loves God, and loves me--even when I feel incompetent. True love is stronger than any illness or inconvenience or failing; it builds up persons (children and adults) and shows the evils of this world to be only passing reminders that we are not yet the people we were created to become. How merciful God is and how great is our hope in our eternal joy with Him! Thank you Lord for the grace to transcend the moment, at least for now, and help us all get some needed sleep. Amen.

[12 hours later: Update--James is doing well, slept beautifully for his nap, and has his appetite and a little energy back. God is good! Mommy got a nap too. :) ]

God is a Game Changer

2011-07-23T19:19:00.001-04:00

So . . . about those goals.

God had some different plans--some stuff I'll have to write more about later and one very exciting networking connection which landed me a chance to pitch my book in person to a major publisher . . . next week. SO, there has been no painting, no sewing, and lots more writing of the book I didn't plan to have in reviewable (is that a word?) shape until next summer.

I have also been working on school prep and keeping up with my busy son and his creative (read: mostly destructive) imagination. I HAVE found more time for spiritual reading and reflection--necessary components to my writing and also (more importantly) to my vocation. That has been glorious. I have even been praying the rosary again, even if it's often in pieces. For some reason, the rosary is always my first devotion to go when I'm weak and my first to return to when I'm desperate. Poor Mary; I'm glad she's so merciful. I treat her just like a kid treats his mom--a few choice moments are precious and shared, and then mom might as well be chopped liver except when there is a crisis and the kid remembers the person who is always there for them.

God has really really blessed me this summer. Some days, He blesses me (like today) by withholding pit-hour for some mysterious reason. Others, He "blesses" me with sufferings and a lack of energy that help me see how generous and wonderful my husband is.

God is a game changer. He appreciates that we make plans, and then He adjusts them as needed. I'm not complaining. :)

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Goals (realistic ones)

2011-06-26T20:33:00.000-04:00

This is probably t.m.i. for a blog, but I thought maybe it would inspire you to make your own list. Plus, unless I put a list someplace where I can't really change it, I'm going to keep cheating myself out of a productive summer. Here are some goals I'd like to accomplish before mid-August. Some are more precise (and thus more practical) than others, but I feel that they are all important in different ways.

Spiritual
*Cultivate a spirit of greater gentleness and peace, even in moments when I need to be firm. I want to be a parent (and spouse and teacher) who can transcend the anxiety of the present moment and think more about the person I'm addressing than my own frustration. I'm pretty sure Mary and my own patroness Bl. Margaret of Costello were experts at this, so I pray that they'll guide me through this process.

Family
*Find ways of investing in my relationship with my husband in the evenings and on his days off more than just "chilling" near each other but not really together.
*Be creative about the ways James and I play together. I know it excites both of us to try new things and explore new areas.

Home
*Have the dishes clean before bed every night except Sunday. (It's really tempting to just toss some things in the dishwasher and leave the hand-washing for later! I'd cook through half the day as happy as a lark, but dishes are definitely within the realm of sanctification for me.)
*Practice simplicity and really think about how much we need something before I buy it.

Personal
*Finish at least two sewing projects.
*Discipline myself to exercise (at least a long walk) a minimum of 3 times a week. (I know, that sounds like nothing, but right now it feels pretty heroic).
*Schedule painting my deck and kitchen and waxing our cars into our calendar and do it!
*Go to an hour of adoration once a month. (Again, learning to be a mom has totally changed my ideas of what I'm capable of committing to in nearly every area of my life.)

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Ready, Set, Go! . . . or Not

2011-06-22T13:56:00.000-04:00

The above phrase is probably one of my little guy's favorites. It often sends him running down a long hallway or sidewalk (until he figures out that it's a trick being used to get him to finish our walk without me carrying him). Between school and home, I spend a large portion of my time and energy motivating others. The jury is still out on who takes more convincing: my son to be still for a diaper change or the high school senior athlete who doesn't want to read Chaucer in Middle English.

However, the result of all this is that I'm not very good at conjuring the energy to motivate myself. Somehow my brain has just enough energy to shoot out 3 or 4 excuses for inaction, and then my do-to list dissipates into bits of "necessary" research and reading, cooking, and clutter-cleaning instead of the larger tasks I ought to tackle. In addition, my little man really likes to be underfoot if he senses any productivity going on while he's awake.

The crazy thing is that I have all the leadership and organizational training to work efficiently. I know how to eat well and supplement to keep my energy up. And yet . . . nothing.

Recently, I've been reflecting on how my ideals can easily become my false reason for laziness. I focus on my ideal until I've realized that I let myself down. Then, I become entangled in my own tiredness and frustration and accomplish zip. Let me paint you a picture:

We got back from a trip late late last night and I know I ought to clean the house and start on some of my projects.
However, I was so tired that I couldn't get myself out of bed to get started on anything by the time my boys were already up.
Then, we remembered that our new oven was being delivered today. [Keep in mind that our downstairs looks like the lost baggage office of the airport combined with the clearance toy aisle on Black Friday.]
Meanwhile, James was rather "sensitive" (aka cranky) this morning after all the traveling and some congestion.
So, my morning was spent making breakfast, cleaning the half of the kitchen that surrounded the oven, and taking a walk with James to keep him distracted until nap time.
Nap time starts, oven arrives; I feel too tired to get anything further done so I try reading for school--too tired to concentrate; I try sleeping--phone rings and my mind is too busy; I try working--I can't even focus on getting anything done and am puttering about.
My ideal after-travel day is down the drain by 1:30, and I resort to blogging. [Sorry!]

The funny thing is, if I just decided on one small task and ate lunch before it to get my energy back up, I'd probably be fine. However, my time management goes all to pieces when there's no pressure and I end up here.

I wish I needed suggestions; but, I already know what I ought to do and how I avoid the present moment and tasks at hand by focusing on my failed ideals and then becoming nearly inert.

What I probably need is a good kick in the pants and several solid nights' sleep. Or a cheerleader, or a helper. Anyone want to come and visit? :) I'm great at social work! (The type where you work while socializing, not the find good homes for abused kids sort.)

Ok, I'm going to go follow my own advice. Best of luck to any of you who have also hit the summer slump.

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Tuna Twist

2011-05-29T16:10:00.002-04:00

A new invention & it's SO delicious and nutritious. [picture coming]

I know. It looks goob-y. But it tastes delicious!

Tuna Twist Salad [2-3 servings]

1 can tuna (7oz; albacore in water)
1/2 a large, ripe avocado
5-6 cherry tomatoes quartered (or a normal one all chopped up)
medium to hot salsa (we like smokey stuff like chipotle or roasted types) to taste (1/4 c. or so)
grated cheese (optional)
2 T. mayo (optional--go ahead and add it if you have the good, homemade stuff)

Mix it all together in a bowl (stick the tomatoes in towards the end or they get mushed; I don't like mushed tomatoes). The avocado replaces the typical mayo for a creamy, stick-it-together substance.

You can serve it with lettuce on bread, on a pan-grilled bagel with butter (my favorite!), wrap (low-carb!), green salad (lower carb!), or use it as a chip dip.

It really doesn't taste very "fishy" and can easily be adapted to be more or less spicy and dairy-free and/or gluten free.

Enjoy!!!

We Try . . .

2011-04-14T07:51:00.002-04:00

Beef & Veggie Soup

2011-02-24T13:08:00.000-05:00

A new delicious invention!!!

Hearty Beef & Veggie Soup

Ingredients:
[I like my soups to be hearty and make a meal; more broth or less ingredients would make this stretch further if you'd like]
About 1 lb leftover beef (pot roast works the best)
3 garlic cloves (diced, not smashed or whole)
1 small onion (cut in chunks)
1 bay leaf
dash of good quality salt
large pinch of thyme
1 cup (frozen or fresh) string beans cut up
1/2 cup (frozen or fresh) corn
1 quart organic beef broth (Trader Joe's)

What to do:

Brown the onions in 2 T butter and a dash of salt in a frying pan; add the garlic once the onions are getting clear--don't burn it!!!
Warm the beef broth in a large pot
Add the bay leaf, beef (chopped), onions, & garlic to the broth and bring to simmer
Add the veggies and cook until soft but not mushy
Add the thyme & fresh ground black pepper and salt to taste (I only used thyme)
Seve & enjoy! [3 full bowls or 4 side bowls for soup + salad or kids' servings or something]
[It should taste like a hearty herbed french onion soup w/o the bread carbs or dairy]

You could easily swap out some of the veggies for others or add leftover rice, noodles, barley, quinoa, etc.

Patience and Productivity

2011-02-09T15:48:00.000-05:00

Last night, my little one cried for two hours before falling to sleep. A combination of stuffy nose and teething probably had something to do with it, but no combination of singing, rocking, teething gel, patting, soothing words, prayers, etc. seemed to help him. On nights like that, I have to remind myself that patience is a choice. There is a concrete moment (or several points) at which one must step back, consciously relax every wound up muscle in my body, entrust him to God's care and the comfort of his angel, and wait. . . . I'm not very good at waiting.

God can give me that peace in the midst of life daily frustrations. I know that inside. But sometimes I think His form of help is to wait with me, rather than to fix the situation, which is often what I would rather him to do.

Last night, I was reminded how beautifully my husband reflects that compassion (etymologically, that "suffering with or alongside") that Christ offers us. As we lay in bed between visits to Rip van Winkle's antipode, my husband reached over and held my hand for a while. I know he wasn't feeling very peaceful himself, but that one little gesture of affection and solidarity made the whole situation bearable. Men, it really is the little things that count, the little things that help get your wives one step closer toward sainthood.

Perhaps in the areas of housework and homework, those were a wasted two hours. But in the school of love, moments like that can be the most valuable hours of all . . . if used well. God help me.

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Edible Oatmeal

2011-02-05T11:27:00.000-05:00

My boys will rarely eat oatmeal. They're not picky in general; they've just agreed secretly that normal oatmeal is to be avoided at all costs. They both like that awful, sweet, flavored stuff in the little microwave packs--bleck! However, this morning we were left with no eggs, no cold cereal, nothing except milk, apples, and tons of oatmeal that's been sitting here waiting for a desperation day. I think it was a success. My husband's not going to affirm it too much because he doesn't want me to get the impression that he'd ever want to eat oatmeal on any sort of a regular basis, but he ate it. My little guy ate all of his (well, all of it that didn't end up on the wall or high chair once he figured out that it stuck nicely.) Here's the recipe:

Edible Oatmeal

4 apples (I like 2 tart and 2 sweet)
2-3 T butter
1 cup rolled oatmeal (not instant)
1 cup milk (raw is best, organic is good, whole is a must)
1 cup water
dash of salt
drizzle of honey to taste
cinnamon (I like a lot, but put in as much or little as you like)
vanilla extract (probably about 1/2 t. but I didn't measure)
raisins (optional)

"Fried" apple topping

core, peel, and cut apples into chunks [if you have one of those apple peeler things it's really fast & easy]
cook over medium with butter and cinnamon in a fry pan until the apple are soft but not mushy

Oatmeal

once you have the apples started, put all of the remaining ingredients in a small pot
bring to a low boil (careful not to scald the milk!)
simmer for about 10 min. uncovered, stirring occasionally, until the moisture is mostly absorbed into the oatmeal
[you could also just cook it in water and then add some cream over the top later]

Serve in bowls, smothered with apples--this makes about 2 large servings (enough for all 3 of us)

Super Bowl Snax

2011-02-01T14:00:00.001-05:00

Maybe it's just me, but the one downside to sports/movie snacks (because they all taste amazing) is that my tummy feels all rumbly afterward because of all the processed food (and who knows what ingredients) that was just dumped into my system. Here body--handle THIS. Thanks! My husband (who really really likes his traditional super bowl foods) secretly agrees about the unpleasant brick in one's stomach post-game. SO, this year I decided to root around and find recipes that are healthy (iow--no digestive hang over), not-too-unusual, cheap, and delicious for the game. I'm also joining Real Food Wednesday at this blog--check out the other great ideas there!

Nachos Sanos
Packaged chip dips often have a lot of preservatives and bad oils in them and cheese-wiz or heat-and-serve nacho dips are horrible for you. Here's a delicious alternative that takes 10 min. to prepare (unless you choose to do lots of extra chopping for more toppings).

Preheat the oven to 375
Bean dip (to be put on top of the chips or kept on the side for dunking)

1 can re-fried beans (Trader Joe's organic, canned)
1/2 block cream cheese (4 oz., organic is good, raw is best)
1/2-2/3 cup salsa (whatever you like; I use Costco's Kirkland organic--it's like a gallon for $5!)
Mix the above over low heat in a small pot

Line an edged baking pan (the biggest one you have) with parchment paper
Fill the pan full of tortilla chips (I used organic Kirkland brand)
Put shredded cheddar (I use Trader Joe's raw milk cheddar) over the chips
Add your favorite ingredients: chopped tomatoes, onions, peppers, jalapenos, drops of hot sauce, olives, black beans, more salsa, shredded chicken, etc.
Add the bean dip
Stick the whole thing in the oven for 5 min. or so until the cheese bubbles and is "nacho-y"
Add cold/warm temp toppings like sour cream, guacamole (just smash a fresh avocado), or lettuce
Enjoy! [My favorite just has cheese, bean dip, guac, and sour cream; my guy likes "the works"]
Diet modifications--It's already wheat/gluten free if your chips are 100% corn. It's easy to do this dairy free--just remove all the cheese/cream parts and it still tastes amazing! High protein?--more beans and chicken.

Rubbed Wings & Sticks
Often prepared sauces & marinades have high fructose corn syrup, flavor enhancers & tenderizers (like MSG), preservatives, more sugar, bad salts, and bad oils. Look for a sauce in the refrigerated section to avoid preservatives, or local bbq sauces with fewer strange ingredients, OR make this easy and delicious rub below.

2 Tablespoons melted butter
3 cloves garlic pressed
2 teaspoons chili powder [add more chili or add some cayenne pepper if you like it to be spicy!
1 teaspoon garlic powder
Sea salt (the best are Himalayan or Celtic b/c the minerals are still there) & pepper to taste
10 chicken wings/drumsticks
Put all of it in a large plastic bag and shake to coat
375 for 1 hour [I'd usually make at least a double batch of these!]

Chips & Herb Dip
This is SO easy and addictively delicious (I'm not kidding). It ends up kinda tasting like ranch dressing except like 1000x better.

8oz. cream cheese (pre-whipped is easy, organic is good, raw is best)
1 t. rosemary (I crush mine up a little first)
1/s t. thyme
1/4 t. garlic powder
1/4 t. freshly ground pepper
Mix it all with the cream cheese and serve OR refrigerate for up to a day or so for an even better taste.
Serve with crackers (my favorite is a hearty wheat), pita pieces, pita chips, sliced bread, or whatever [you could even pre-spread the crackers, add smoked salmon on top, and serve plated like an appetizer]
Leftover ideas: IF you have any dip leftover (and that's a big "if"), here are some ideas:

eat it sneakily before anyone else discovers it
put it in an omelet (SO good)
put it on a sandwich as a delicious spread with leftover meat or deli meat
put it on a slice of bread with a fried egg on top
put it on salmon and warm it up (I have not yet tried this, but it seems like it would be delicious)

This is my "I only have 3 min. to make something for that party" go-to recipe. :)
It would work well with fresh herbs too--just adjust the amounts a bit to taste

Other ideas:

Homemade chili
Homemade meatballs with a good-quality bbq sauce in a crock-pot
Popcorn (make it the old way, not in a microwave, and add your own butter and salt)
Potato skins with real bacon and cheese and onions on top--DON'T use bacon bits, esp. the unnaturally red, hard ones--words can't express how sad it is that someone invented such a culinary travesty
Cold veggies & homemade dip--or use that cream cheese herb recipe above but replace the cream cheese with sour cream!
Homemade sun tea instead of soda
Quesadillas from scratch
What others can you think of??

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Do You Trust Me?

2011-01-02T10:39:00.002-05:00

We're the only people I know who have two pictures in our living room of people falling down. But I think that our instinctive attraction to those two pictures communicates something that we value in our lives--Trust.

The first picture is Caravaggio's "Conversion of St. Paul." The other is "St. Francis of Assisi in Ecstasy" by the same. The picture of St. Paul depicts God's direct intervention in his life to change his course and call him to a mission of service and suffering. St. Francis had already been radically faithful to God when he received his stigmata, but his encounter with God was a blessing and an affirmation (if a painful one) of Francis' dedication to the Cross of Christ.

Look at their faces. And look at their hands.

They are peaceful. They are receptive.

Both of them only desired to know, love, and serve God. A moment that may seem terrifying to us--getting thrown off your horse, blinded, and told all your life's work was bosh or getting pierced with perpetual wounds on your hands and feet after a life of voluntary asceticism--was a privileged encounter to them.

Look at their companions. The peace that Christ gives when you trust Him is beyond the world's understanding. Paul's companion is shocked and unable to aid his master. The angel, on the other hand, supports Francis gently and gazes at him almost with envy, certainly with understanding, that this mere mortal has been allowed to participate in a unique way in Christ's loving sacrifice.

Perhaps these paintings appealed to us because they are a reminder of what we too may and must do. We may trust God because He has "first loved us, and gave His son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins;" we must trust God because no one else is fully trustworthy.

God's call to radical change and to deeper acceptance of His will for us is usually neither expected nor accepted peacefully, especially when we don't see the logic behind His promptings. Edith Stein once said that God often cleverly disguises His will for us in illness and difficulty. When His offers us His gift of freedom, we fight His lead and chomp at the bit like a horse who is being led out of a burning building. We struggle to trust. We refuse to listen and we muffle His voice with the typing of keys, the hum of meaningless conversations, and the chatter of radio, tv, and music.

Personally, I always hated those "fall back and trust the person behind you to catch you" games. Perhaps I had been dropped about ten too many times teaching guys to dance. Perhaps I'm just too blasted stubborn and independent. Yet, my relationship with my husband more than anyone has taught me that people are worthy of trust. My relationship with God has proven that trust in something even more immovable than my husband's love and care is necessary to a peaceful and happy life.

I still don't like falling backwards, even into God's embrace. I'd rather have Him tell me His plans and then we can shake on it. But He insists on me, like Paul & Francis, falling backwards into His arms. My Lord doesn't do this for His own amusement; He does it because he knows that when I can fully trust Him, I will be most free of worry from the past, of the present, and for the future. He knows that the more my husband and I grow in trust of Him, the more we will trust in and rely on each other, rather than turning inward for solace when things get difficult.

My prayer for each of you this New Year is that you will fall into His arms. Trust Him to change you, deepen you, and transform your whole way of looking at the world. He loves you unconditionally. His only question for you this year is, "Do you trust me?"

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A Win/Win Situation

2010-12-21T20:23:00.000-05:00

My little man has just learned how to stack big cardboard blocks to make towers. He equally enjoys "crashing" them. The best part about this activity is that it's a win/win situation--if he succeeds in building the tower, he cheers; if the tower falls immediately upon completion, he cheers.

I only wish I could have that attitude about the little successes and failures in my own life:
>Upon doing something well, I would cheer and then move on to the next thing, neither dwelling pridefully on my achievement nor failing to rejoice appropriately for the good that has been accomplished.
>Upon failing at a goal I had made, I would joyfully set about trying again and detaching from any false pride that leads to frustrations. (You know, the whole "why am I not superwoman and able to accomplish an inhuman amount of tasks in a limited amount of time?" guilt complex . . . or maybe that's just me.)

An attitude of constant acceptance and praise reminds me of Job from the Old Testament. He loses everything dear to him (except for his wife who tells him to "curse God and die" and his friends who tell him he's a big sinner and is being justly punished), and then his immediate response is to dress humbly in mourning clothes and proclaim, "The Lord giveth & the Lord taketh away. Blessed is the name of the Lord!"

I think I've failed or come up short in nearly every one of my goals for this last month. My prayer is that Christ will give me the peace to detach from my ideals of success and my illusions of personal ability. Rather, I need to move forward, do my utmost to be a more faithful disciple of His, and keep a smile on my face.

Mother Teresa once said that we are not called to be successful, we are called to be faithful.

Thank goodness!

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In the Spirit: Christmas Novena

2010-11-30T17:01:00.000-05:00

As Catholics (and Christians) we believe that Advent is a time for "preparing the way of the Lord" into our hearts and lives in a profound and personal way as we anticipate the Nativity of the Incarnate Lord. [Wow! That's way cooler than just anticipating a fat guy in carmine fuzz with cookie crumbs stuck in his beard trying to shimmy up and down our chimneys.]

My sophomore lit teacher in high school (thanks Mr. Westhoff!) introduced me to the St. Andrew's Christmas Novena (which is neither a true novena--9 day prayer--nor a prayer to St. Andrew). At first I was skeptical. Seriously? Why do we say it 15 times?? I think God gets the point. Plus, it probably wasn't "piercing cold" when Christ was born that close to the equator. [Yes, I was an internally arrogant teen.]

Then, it began to click. I have to say it 15 times because the first 10 times I'm not even focused on the prayer. It takes that long for me to really, honestly re-focus on Christ and the mystery of Christmas. Also, the language of the prayer is beautiful. It doesn't matter what temperature it was--he was born amidst difficulty and a world full of icy hearts (like mine).

This prayer (of which I cannot find the origins, much to my dismay), is traditionally (for the last hundred years) said from the feast of St. Andrew (Nov. 30th--today) until Christmas Eve. It is piously believed to be efficacious in obtaining an answer to your request, in addition to being a powerful way of focusing your heart on Christmas.

Say it 15 times a day (5 times before each meal if you need to break it up) for a particular intention. Just take the time to memorize it the first day or two so you can say it whenever you remember. Now, I look forward to this devotion every year and share it with my students.

Christmas Novena

Hail, and blessed be the hour and moment at which the Son of God was born of the most pure Virgin Mary at midnight in Bethlehem in the piercing cold. At that hour vouchsafe, I beseech Thee, to hear my prayers and grant my desires. (Mention your intentions here) Through the merits of Jesus Christ and His most Blessed Mother. Amen.
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My Brooke

2010-11-12T15:17:00.000-05:00

Today, I challenged my students to write a vignette about someone who influenced them at some point in their childhood. This is what Willa Cather did in My Antonia, and I wanted them to appreciate the difficulty of writing in this way and keeping it vivid and specific without diluting the story into "he was important" or "she was really great". It had to be called "My ______" in reference to the person described.

I slapped together a vignette of my own to show them an example, and I thought I'd share it with you.

My Brooke

My memories of my early childhood are often more strong impressions than images. One of these impressions was of Brooke. She was beautiful and kind with long hair exactly the color of newly-dried straw in the sun. Brooke was the oldest of four children in the Smith home where I spent my week days as a young girl while mom was at work. Mrs. Smith broke horses; I think each of her children had some of her tenacity in them as well. Annie, who was closer to my age, had the largest dose of her mother’s spirit.

I remember nothing specific that Brooke did or said. I do remember that she was calm when Annie was wild, and she treated me like a little sister when I had no one else to look up to.

I heard the news when I was about 10 and Brooke was a young teen; it had been a couple years since I had seen them last. Brooke had been the passenger in a car of teenage friends. The car had screeched to a sudden stop. She wasn’t wearing her seatbelt and was tossed through the car window and crushed by passing traffic. Her death was slow and painful. Brooke's family was distraught, and Annie was rumored to have fallen in with a bad crowd apart from her sister’s influence.

I was not able to attend Brooke’s funeral, but I felt a more personal contact with her death than any other I had experienced, including the death of a kind aunt not long before. For me, she was not just a teen driving statistic or even a fond memory with a sad ending. Brooke was the harbinger of unexpected fate in a fragile world.

Though I was the type of child who thought deeply about faith, I never questioned God’s Providence or determined that individual goodness was futile if it could be rewarded so harshly. However, I now understood that I and anyone I knew was vulnerable. I no longer entertained an unfounded confidence in life’s invincibility. Years later, fellow college students would become surprised by the unexpected vehemence with which I insisted on them securing their seat-belts. I still pray for Brooke--I pray that her soul is at peace and I attempt to live so that I too will be at peace whenever fate or death or God holds out his hand toward me.

The Preservation of You

2010-11-04T15:46:00.000-04:00

In my class on Utopian & Dystopian Fiction, we brought up an interesting question today:

Does a society have an obligation to preserve (or at least respect) individual contribution, impact, or memory?

The Time Traveler in H. G. Wells' The Time Machine returns from his trip to a future full of degraded human being with little or no rationality and a total disregard for past triumphs of mankind. He questions whether the writings he slaves over and the inventions he labors to create can ever have a true impact. He nearly despairs that life (as the Spanish dramatist would propose) is a dream after all and that the works of man are futile and ephemeral in the final analysis.

In Orwell's 1984, the society under Big Brother not only accepts the decay of individual memory through time, they systematically erase individual, historical impact of those who are eliminated from society. The main character's job is to rewrite news articles to eliminate the names and rebellious actions of those who have been killed. As he does so, he suppresses feelings of guilt by arguing that he doesn't even know if the article being changed was true in the first place. Replacing one lie with another is not a violation of integrity.

Many poets sought to preserve themselves and others through their art, seeking a more permanent memorial than a name written fancifully in the sand. However, as Ephesians reminds us, that too will pass.

The concept of memory also reminds me of a wonderful Elie Wisel speech on that topic. In it he proposes:
Without memory, our existence would be barren and opaque, like a prison cell into which no light penetrates; like a tomb which rejects the living. . . . it is memory that will save humanity. For me, hope without memory is like memory without hope.

Just as man cannot live without dreams, he cannot live without hope. If dreams reflect the past, hope summons the future. Does this mean that our future can be built on a rejection of the past? Surely such a choice is not necessary. The two are incompatible. The opposite of the past is not the future but the absence of future; the opposite of the future is not the past but the absence of past. The loss of one is equivalent to the sacrifice of the other.

This returns us to the question at hand. What is our responsibility to those who have gone on before us? Must we remember? Must we preserve their impact? Must we protect the memory of individuals or only of the great men and the larger movements of social change? Should only the memory of the good be treasured or also the foreboding presence of past evils? Is memory the responsibility of each man, each culture, each country or no one at all?

Thoughts?

Image source
Image source

Don't Be Like Jack O'Lantern

2010-11-03T20:19:00.000-04:00

First, read this story.

Apparently, the tradition of carving pumpkins used to be the Irish tradition of carving turnips on All Hallows' Eve to keep evil spirits away. When the immigrants came here, pumpkins were larger and partly hollowed out already, so the switch was made.

I don't like the idea of celebrating Halloween. I think that over-commercialization doesn't rob a religious holiday of its religious significance. Whether or not October 31st has tried to be "reclaimed" by Christians or not, it's still celebrated as a (or The) high "feast" day of several pagan cults. I don't think we can ignore that by just swearing off overly gory and skanky costumes.

It also kinda bothers me when people try to "Catholic-it-up;" you know--they go trick-or-treat to the rectory in a saint's costume and all that jazz. The Halloween for the Hungry door to door food drives things bother me less, if only because it's taking advantage of people's temporary hospitality to help them do a good thing.

What does this mean for our family? Well, we've always celebrated feast days as kinda a big deal around here. I try to cook something nicer from scratch; we'll have wine or beer with dinner; and we'll make an effort to share some family time. November 1st & 2nd are legitimate feast days (with All Saint's Day being a holy day of obligation!) We'll celebrate the vigils and feast days of those holy days rather than trying to morph a pagan holiday to fit our Christian ideals.

I like "harvest" themed or "costume" parties in the fall, but I really don't think our kids will do the whole trick-or-treat and Halloween party thing. I'm sure there will be times when that is difficult for them. However, lending legitimacy to a pagan feast day by downplaying it's significance is exactly what Screwtape would have loved. Jack put off taking the devil seriously until too late. I don't think I want to play that game.

I would love to know your thoughts and how your families act in regards to Halloween. This is a difficult topic for Catholic and Christian families to seriously consider and decide prayerfully how to act as people "in but not of the world."

Smart Kids

2010-10-29T19:47:00.000-04:00

You have to check this video out. :)

How often do parents think about how their kids might care for them in turn someday? Larry and I joke about it with James. Our parents mention it on occasion and aren't joking about it. But I think we all like to look at parent dependence as being somewhat far in the future.

This video is a cute (b/c everything turned out fine) reminder that children are able to reciprocate some of that love and care parents model at a much younger age. How beautiful that this little girl thinks to comfort her father instead of just talking to the guy at the 911 call center! [I also love that she doesn't see her outfit as modest enough for visitors.] A kid like that doesn't develop that poise all at once. In a time of crisis, she's probably copying behavior that she's seen modeled time and again for minor emergencies and accidents. We don't just end up with kids who desire to care for us in our old age (or any other time of need); we form them through every incident we respond to with love and every disruption we react to with calmness and creativity.

It gives me great hope (and a sense of awe) to view the daily interactions I have with my son (even though he's too young to consciously remember any of them) as formative to his future character. Personality and personal choice definitely come into play as well; I can't absolutely determine his future (thank goodness!) However, raising children is an art--an old and honored one. And the result can more beautiful than any molded clay or colored canvas.

Clutter Clutter Everywhere and Not a Spot to Think

2010-10-27T12:00:00.000-04:00

It's amazing how quickly the clutter monster invades my house on busy weeks. I'm pretty sure he's secretly teaching James bad habits too, because I certainly didn't propose "Tupperware terror" as a new game idea.

I think that's what my mom was warning me about years ago when she told me to put away one thing before I took something else out. At the time, I thought that inhibited my creativity ("I can't! I'm using both of those things right now!") Now, I'm just not sure it's humanly possible--at least not for someone 2/3 sanguine. There have certainly been times when I reach the "if there is no visible dirt line, mold, or dust balls, it's good to go" state of mind. I don't think I'll ever reach the level of pristine perfection my grandparents have achieved.

However, several motivating factors are capable of making me drop every other thing on my eternal check-list and do some hard-core scrubbing and sorting:

1) A guest coming--It's a very good thing for us to have at least one over-night guest and one dinner guest or play-date a month. That way both the upstairs and down get a very thorough going over once or twice a month.

2) Major frustration (esp. if Larry's not in the mood to distract me in another way)--When life seems like it's taking over and I'm overly involved in situations that I can't change, I show life that I still can change something and go to town on anything dirty that's within arm's reach.

3) Larry says something--This is a rarity, and my usual, initial (interior) reaction is to mark his small comment as vastly unjustified. However, then the bit of humility that helps inform my conscience kicks in, and I ignore all else until I can justify myself as a decent housewife again.

Someday . . .
I just hope that when I hit the pearly gates God will ask me something about love and not ironing. Though, His standard of loving is pretty darn high too.

The Value of Vision

2010-10-06T13:32:00.000-04:00

I have one particularly difficult class this year. I had expected it to be my easiest and my most fun. However, for reasons I don't need to go into here, it has become onerous. It is a very unique sort of student who can nearly kill my love for teaching a particular book.

Yet, today I was given peculiar but good advice. Teach the class for yourself. The students who see that the material is worthy of admiration and study will come with you; the others will remain behind. There is a point at which I cannot force someone to engage the world around them. At first, I was upset--I don't like "giving up." Yet, as was explained to me, it's not giving up to pursue a good beyond the present moment. Every good thing we do is a preparation for another good thing in the future. No worthy activity is a waste; no exploration, no gift given, no act of selflessness is devoid of impact. For, in this case, to teach for myself, is to teach the student I wish each of them to become. To voice the reflections of my own fruitful reading of the text may teach them to read as passionately and with as much desire to understand truth.

Back . . .

2010-09-25T11:18:00.000-04:00

The beginning of the year whirlwind is winding down and I'm back to writing (which is good for my mental health--at least that's what the voices in my head say). Things I hope to post soon:

*Some thoughts on healing relationships which were sparked by some great conversations with friends and a wonderful homily I heard

*Fall recipes, activities, etc.--this is my favorite time of year!

*School topics--SO many good books that I've rediscovered this year

*Whatever other things I possibly have time for

Only So Much Space & Time

2010-08-24T17:34:00.001-04:00

The events and schedule changes at the beginning of a new school year have come tumbling towards me like waves, faster than I can anticipate and react to each. Thus, blogging got sucked away into the undercurrent of life for a while. I feel that I have little energy or time to devote here, yet I know that continuing to write helps my mental sharpness rather than further dulling a weary mind. Hopefully, I'll post some insights on class materials and related thoughts in the near future.

Meanwhile, I'm experiencing a rare phenomenon--my brain is nearing its multitasking capacity. I'm teaching 5 wildly different literary topics each day; most requiring extensive personal reading and preparation. Oh, and then there's normal life to think about as well. Fortunately, I have a generous, loving husband who picks up some of the pieces (literally and figuratively) of my life that get lost in the tizzy.

There are things I would change if I could--leisure (and not mayhem) is supposed to be the best environment for shaping culture. Yet, it's also thrilling to feel that I'm on the brink of something grand, something much larger than myself, of which I am only a small cog. I'm on the edge of my son's transition into toddler-hood, the edge of my husband's ambitions, the edge of the mental formation of a hundred-plus students, the edge of a great springtime within the Church, and the edge of who I might be as a housewife and scholar and artist. That edge sometimes chafes and cuts, but it is a horizon of hope as well. And, like Frost's chosen road, that makes all the difference.

Image: http://oceanworld.tamu.edu/students/waves/images/hokusai_wave_1.jpg

In the Spirit: Suffering [prayer]

2010-08-05T09:30:00.000-04:00

I just ended my beautiful ENDOW study on suffering with some inspiring women from my parish. I have so many more things I'd like to share with you, but I'll leave it to you to discover JPII's document and the ENDOW study for yourself. I would like to offer a beautiful prayer of surrender that comforts and challenges me during difficult periods of my own life.

PRAYER OF SURRENDER

Lord Jesus Christ, I ask the grace to accept the sadness in my heart, as your will for me, in this moment. I offer it up, in union with your sufferings, for those who are in deepest need of your redeeming grace. I surrender myself to your Father's will and I ask you to help me to move on to the next task that you have set for me.

Spirit of Christ, help me to enter into a deeper union with you. Lead me away from dwelling on the hurt I feel:

to thoughts of charity for those who need my love
to thoughts of compassion for those who need my care, and to thoughts of giving to those who need my help.
As I give myself to you, help me to provide for the salvation of those who come to me in need.

May I find my healing in this giving.
May I always accept God's will.
May I find my true self by living for others in a spirit of sacrifice and suffering.
May I die more fully to myself, and live more fully in you.

As I seek to surrender to the Father's will, may I come to trust that he will do everything for me. Amen.

With Ecclesiastical Approval adapted from the spiritual teachings of Rev. Walter J. Ciszek, SJ.

In the Spirit: Suffering [5]--Conclusion, Summary, & Books

2010-07-26T15:28:00.002-04:00

In conclusion, suffering is and will always be a mystery to man. We can understand that it has meaning, and through God's grace we can super-naturalize our suffering into an efficacious sacrifice. However, our limited intelligence can never fully grasp God's purposes and plan in which He permits evil, that lack of a good that He desires for His Creation.

To Summarize
Suffering apart from love is often divisive and isolating and nearly meaningless. However, when one can learn to see that difficulties and pain can be offered as a profound gift of self for the sake of something or someone valued, that suffering is transformed into a joyful, willing sacrifice of love. Rather than focusing on the good negated, twisted, or lacking; the focus is on the good being done, the affirmation of that which is worthy of value, and the perfection of the giver through detachment from self. In fact, each sacrifice increases our capacity to love. This model is given to us by Christ, and our sufferings take on an eschatological dimension and value when united with His. His Resurrection following His death and passion opened the doors to our own resurrection from the dead and life in joy with Him forever. This is the hope that stems from suffering rightly considered; this is the great good that God brought out of the Fall of Man and advent of evil in the world.

Book Recommendations
My reflections on suffering barely skim the surface of this element of human existence. I encourage you to read some or all of the books below for eloquent and profound explorations of this topic that have inspired me throughout the years.

Theology:
Pope John Paul II's encyclical Savifici Doloris: The Christian Meaning of Suffering
C. S. Lewis' The Problem of Pain [and his Mere Christianity for a discussion on why the claims of Christianity are rational in the first place]
Dietrich von Hildebrand's Man, Woman, and the Meaning of Love: God's Plan for Love, Marriage, Intimacy, and the Family [He has several with similar titles; this one talks about love as a value judgment rather than just an emotion or just a willed choice]

Biography & Fiction:
Fr. Walter Ciszek's With God in Russia [a priest's ability to endure many years in Soviet camps]
Fyodor Dostoevsky's Crime & Punishment [a story about the redemptive power of love and suffering]
Leo Tolstoy's Death of Ivan Illych [a story about the ability of suffering to bring about personal reflection and clarity]

I'm not sure why my mind is gravitating to all Russian books right now . . .

My prayers are with you, my readers, as you grapple with the sufferings of your life. May Our Lord give you the strength you need to embrace your Cross with a heart burning with love for the God who loves you infinitely. I leave you with the words of St. Paul to the Romans (Rom 12:1-2):

I appeal to you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may prove what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Image: http://staff.bcc.edu/jyantz/Pieta.jpg

In the Spirit: Suffering [4]

2010-07-25T12:21:00.001-04:00

Finally, our suffering, united to that of Christ, is also redemptive and salvific.

One must consider what man's purpose is. We have eternal souls; thus, our purpose is something eternal, not limited and finite. We look at our highest and unique powers as men: we are rational beings, we can live in relationship with other persons, and we have free will. It seems then that our purpose would be found in knowing, loving, and freely acting for the greatest good. If God is God, he is perfect; He is omnipotent, omniscient, and eternal. He would be that which is the greatest good. Thus, our purpose in life would be to know, love, and freely serve God in this life so that we may be happy eternally with Him in the next. How beautiful that our purpose as human beings is a loving relationship with our Creator, the Person who knows and loves us most intimately and who desires our good more than any other!

Knowing another requires selflessness. Loving is not authentic if one is not willing to sacrifice for the beloved. And free will is not free in a man with an eternal soul if he is forced to a particular action or alliance in the after-life. Our free choices here on earth, demonstrated by our actions, will show how we desire to spend our eternity. God will not force us to chose the highest good--that which will make us truly happy. He will not force us to love; that would violate His gift of free will. But He, like any good parent, deeply desires us to chose a relationship with Him.

If we know who God is, if we love God, we will chose to sacrifice lower goods and comforts for His sake. In suffering as a mode of sacrifice, we allow Him to transform us more closely into His image and likeness (Goodness in essence) while preserving our unique identities as individual human beings. Through the grace of God (since we can never "earn" eternity or be "owed" a relationship with God), we can, through our sacrifice, show our receptivity to accept the gift of happiness that is extended to us by our loving God. This dynamic is reflected in a woman who shows by her loving actions her receptivity to a man who initiates a personal relationship with her. She is not "owed" his particular attention and love, but she can actively accept it and return that love to the best of her ability.

Christ taught and modeled the self-sacrificial path to heaven. His sacrifice enabled us to enter into a relationship with the Father. By uniting our imperfect sacrifices (for no Christian is perfect!) with His perfect one, we show by our emulation our desire for God. Our sacrifices can then help, with Christ's, to restore balance and justice to a broken world. Christ's Cross was followed by the ultimate defeat of death (the punishment for sin) through his bodily Resurrection. Christ destroyed death's ultimate power over man. [Allow that to sink in for a moment.]

Our freedom to transform our meaningless sufferings into loving sacrifices allows us to hope in a eternity of peace and happiness beyond anything we've experienced here on earth. Christ has not promised us an easy path here on earth. He said, "If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it; and whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it." (Mk 8:34-35) But He did promise help to bear our own crosses well. "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." (Jn 14:27) If we can learn to embrace our crosses and to pursue goodness in the face of trials for the sake of love, Christ says, "And when I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way where I am going." (Jn 14:3-4)

While we live in hope of the peace and joy to come, an embrace of our daily trails (as severe as they may be) also enables us to help others who suffer. When we are less focused on our own difficulties, we have room in our hearts and in our schedules for those who suffer physically, emotionally, and morally around us. Our quiet acceptance of our own crosses can teach them to bear theirs with greater strength and meaning; our gift of self to God through our service to members of His creation creates harmony and solidarity on earth. The loving relationships that stem from an authentic sympathy (the root words mean "to suffer with") between men give us a foretaste of the selfless, reciprocal relationships we are promised in heaven. This life-giving spirit within a community is certainly cause for great hope and joy!

We're almost done!

Image: http://www.wga.hu/art/g/greco_el/08/0811grec.jpg

In the Spirit: Suffering [3]

2010-07-24T12:18:00.018-04:00

Ok, I'm back to thinking & writing seriously about life after a slew of wonderful visitors this week . . .

To understand how hope can exist despite the Problem of Evil, one must change suffering into sacrifice.

[Side Note: The Problem of Evil = questions like: Why do bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people? How can there be a just and good God if He allows evil to exist? How can the Church claim to be God's instrument to salvation on earth if her leaders and members fall into evil and hurtful behaviors? etc.]

First of all, our suffering is uniquely human. We do not suffer merely on a physical level, but on an emotional and moral level as well. Animals don't suffer as we do. They suffer physical evil, but having no concept of evil (just hurt or pleasure) they cannot suffer from a feeling of injustice or hate as we can.

Thus the ultimate answer to suffering and how to bear up under it is also not merely physical, but also spiritual. Suffering viewed as an unfortunate evil, or even as a necessary evil, cannot give you hope, especially if there is no prospect of an end to that suffering in the near future. Suffering must be elevated to the spiritual and offered as a sacrifice.

A sacrifice is a freely chosen, difficult action that constitutes the death of something lower for the sake of something higher. For instance, it is a sacrifice to give up sleep in order to take care of my cranky, teething son, but sleep is a lower good than caring for another human being, thus the material needs in me bow to the needs of a soul in my charge and the sleep is given up. Human kind has an innate sense that one should give something dear to us to that which we hold in awe. The most simple savages offered precious metals, animals, food, and even human beings to their gods; the most educated modern man offers his money, time, health, peace of mind, and even sometimes the relationships he has within his family to the modern gods of success and fame. But both of these examples are a one-way relationship--peon appeasing a cold, impersonal behemoth or mammon.

The Jewish people held their God in great awe, yet they were permitted a covenantal relationship with Him. A covenant is deeper than a contract [I give you a burnt offering and you give me rain for my crops.] A covenant is a union of persons, in this case, a union between God and His chosen people. The Jews also made covenants with each other. To do so, they would slaughter one or more animals, cut them in half, and walk between the hewn pieces. The message was: "If I break this sacred bond between us, may this happen to me as well." That's intense. [P.S. That's also the type of bond we Catholics believe is made in marriage]. Check out Genesis 15 to see God's covenant with Abram.

Christ, fully human and fully divine, came to seal the perfect covenant between God and Man with His very body; he himself served as the sacrificial lamb [ask me about the amazing parallels sometime; this is also the same sacrifice celebrated in the Eucharist at every Mass]. Christ's passion and death, foretold in minute detail in the Psalms and Isaiah and prefigured in every Old Testament covenant, finally repaired the eternal rift (caused by Adam's sin) between God and Man in a way that no limited, human sacrifice ever could. Christ as Man made his innocent suffering into a sacrifice through a willing, loving, rational, active choice. He invites us to imitate His gift of self as the model for perfection, atonement, and unity with the Father.

God does not need our gift of self. But He wants our freely-chosen sacrifice for our sake. We need to give of ourselves to become fully who we are meant to be--to be freed from the chains of addictions and attachments to lesser things and to participate more fully in the life of God [that's another whole topic]. Let my propose an example on a more human level. Many cultures, the Native American's come to mind, had elaborate coming of age ceremonies and rituals for their youth. The young men in particular were challenged to accomplish certain dangerous feats that tested their endurance and strength of body and mind in order to prove their manhood. Biologically and psychologically it is fairly obvious when a male has reached the age when he is ready to accept greater responsibilities and a family. The tribe didn't need him to jump off a cliff or survive in the wild on his own for several days. But that young male needed to know that he was a man. His willingly accepted suffering proved that to himself. However, this is an imperfect example on several levels, the most important of which is that the tribe needed confident, proven men as leaders in order to survive.

A very stoic man or woman can endure much suffering; an authentic lover, however, sacrifices himself with nearly reckless abandon, to the point of giving his life for the beloved. This is not a mere hardened endurance; this is a joyful [not always giddy, but rather peaceful] embrace of that which is difficult for the sake of the beloved. No sacrifice is too great for the one who truly loves another person. This is the type of sacrifice Christ modeled for us. This is the heroic strength that man is capable of in imitation of His God. Our sacrifice increases our capacity to love.

St. Augustine said, "When one loves, one does not suffer; of if one does suffer, the very suffering is loved."

Suffering becomes sacrifice. A burden becomes a gift. Pain that often causes unrest, division, and isolation is super-naturalized to become a medium of peace and unity. In losing everything, we are given the ability to find ourselves more fully through a discovered empathy with the hardships of our fellow-man and a deepened relationship with the Suffering Servant who paid the ultimate price for us.

To be continued.

Sorry for the many brackets and side notes today . . .
Image: http://www.jesuswalk.com/lamb/images/zurbaran-agnus-dei-lamb-of-god-madrid-1339x800.jpg

Mommy Rhapsody & Dad Rap

2010-07-24T10:35:00.000-04:00

There are certain things kids will never understand about their mom's. An obsessions with strange songs from "ancient history" is one of those things. But in all fairness, after enough nights spent rocking a puking child or looking for monsters under the bed that you could have sworn you finally exterminated last week, a little humor is what keeps us sane . . . ok, mostly sane. Enjoy!

Oh wait . . . maybe those late nights do something to dads too.

Warning: Time-Waster Ahead

2010-07-19T09:35:00.000-04:00

Ok, so this is a time-waster . . . but it's hilarious, which makes it not a time-waster because laughing burns calories and helps you live longer.

Catalog Living sarcastically points out the oddities in catalog home pictures while ostensibly letting you glimpse the true lives of Elaine & Gary, the couple who lives in those lovely catalog homes.

And I must say that humor that points out the occasional incompetency of women to be practical often strikes me as really funny . . . maybe because I sometimes get "that look" from my husband, maybe because I know a slew of women who really are the most impractical beings on the face of the planet--the guess is yours. :)

In the Spirit: Suffering [2]

2010-07-14T10:24:00.000-04:00

An understanding of suffering must begin with a discussion of good and evil.

Catholics believe that the world was fundamentally and metaphysically created good. [This is opposed to world views (like Maniceanism) that see anything material as bad and see only the spiritual as good and pure. Ideas like this lead to self-abusive behaviors, a disregard for the physical needs (or even the physical life) of others, rampant sexual immorality (because it "doesn't matter & doesn't affect me), etc.] God did not create some twisted, ying-yang merry-go-round world for His personal, sadistic enjoyment. He wanted the world to harmoniously flourish under His loving care. However, among the goods created was the good of free-will [another idea denied by old-school Calvinists and modern members of the "he can't help it because of how he grew up" club]. Free will is the ability of man [and angels, since they are also intelligent beings] to use his rational soul to understand the world in his own way and act freely in that world.

Man always wills a perceived good. Eve didn't snatch the apple while maliciously cackling, "Now I will have power greater than God's for all of eternity! Mwahahahahaaa!" Nope. She thought that there was a greater wisdom that should could obtain to be "more" like God. [Sad irony that she who was already specially created in the image and likeness of God would think that God had withheld some gift from her.] Genesis 3 says, "So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise . . . " See, she wanted the good, but she allowed a lack of trust in God's goodness, caused by the exaggeration of the serpent (don't eat of the tree OR touch it--making the God the unloving, unreasonable tyrant), to cloud her understanding of the greatest Good. And in her rebellion against God, evil (and thus death and sickness and suffering) entered the world.

Sometimes it's tempting to think that evil in the world and a curse on all of the original pair's human progeny is a rather rough punishment for eating an apple (figuratively or literally). But consider it this way, Adam & Eve lived in a perfect world. They had no knowledge of something opposed to that goodness around them. The only way they could have free will was to have a choice presented to them that would represent their acceptance of ultimate good (and a relationship with God) or a rejection of that gift. That choice was the tree. Little actions can have big consequences. Saying that God's punishment for eating the fruit is too big of a result is like saying that detonating an atomic bomb with the push of a button is too large of a consequence for a small physical action. Our immaterial, spiritual choices (to reject God or blow up a city) often times have consequences that cannot possibly be measured by physical collateral damage. Welcome to life as the height of earthly creation . . . you're not a monkey with a monkey brain--deal with it.

God didn't (and doesn't) cause evil; He values that gift of free will that He granted us so much, that it would be contradictory to Himself to take it away and make us peaceful little robots. God allows us to experience evil, and He hopes with the ardor of a lover that we will turn to Him to discover a peace that transcends these mortal discomforts and agonies.

Evil is not a "thing" in and of itself. Evil is a lack of a due good, a good that should exist or a good that has been twisted to no longer be truly good. For example, darkness is a lack of light, it is not a corporeal or spiritual something in and of itself. Evil is the root of suffering. Sometimes our own evil actions (to which we have a greater tendency after the Fall since our human natures have been distanced from our intended intimacy with God.) cause us suffering. We chose a perceived good in eating 20 Twinkies at one sitting because we think they will be delicious. However, that taste was not as great of a good as health, and our warped perception of good causes us a stomach ache later on. On the other hand, sometimes the evil and suffering that we experience is outside of our control. When we are sitting behind someone on the Eurorail that thinks bathing is overrated, we suffer. When a large storm knocks out our electricity for a while, we suffer. And when those who have a warped perception of good persecute us for our beliefs, we suffer.

If all of this suffering was merely the bad aftertaste of the apple in a cosmically cursed universe, the suicidal man who decides to shoot himself rather than endure purposeless pain would seem rather rational. But something deep inside us wants to hope. Here enters the Catholic view of suffering [the only understanding of suffering I've found that makes me want to stick around and keep pushing through hard times] . . .

-- Suffering has meaning.
-- That meaning is related to the salvific nature of suffering. [Salvific = something that brings our souls closer to Goodness Himself, God.]
-- Suffering rightly considered is salvific because of the Sacrifice of Christ.
-- Suffering in union with that Sacrifice unites us to God and our fellow man, gives us increased clarity in wisdom and knowledge of the truly good, increases our capacity for love and endurance, and brings us closer to the person we were created to be [currently we are tarnished from the stains of Eve & Adam's original sin; suffering burnishes us.]

More on how all of that works later . . .

Image: http://pictopia.com/perl/get_image?provider_id=207&size=550x550_mb&ptp_photo_id=143416

In the Spirit: Suffering

2010-07-12T10:21:00.001-04:00

Suffering has meaning.

This is a revolutionary idea to most people in our world. They either think suffering is purposeless and is to be avoided at all costs. OR they grit and bear it while repeating, "No pain, no gain," and "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," to themselves.

Is there some truth to these sentiments? Some . . . Pain that we cause ourselves by being too self-centered, by having too much of a sense of entitlement to everything good, or by any other sinful behavior is kinda purposeless. The good news is that the more we progress in true virtue and the less egotistical we are, the less we will cause ourselves pain. The stoicism of modern athletics and their kind also has a sort of truth in it. Suffering helps us to focus on something outside of ourselves that is greater than ourselves. For instance, health is a greater good than not liking to perform reps of painful leg lifts on all fours that make me look like a dog near a . . . you get the point. However, that stoicism is mostly useful for suffering we have chosen to bear. It doesn't work as well for suffering that enters our lives without a proper invitation. Just think of the person who loses a loved one, bears stoically with a clamped-jaw smile through it all, and realizes much later that they have many emotional issues they have suppressed and not properly worked through.

When real tragedy hits (or when the monotonous grind of daily life starts to produce some emotional friction), the above concepts of suffering leave us empty and questioning the meaning of life. In a women's ENDOW group I just joined, I read the following passage last night:

...A bit later, I remember, it seemed to me that I would die in the near future. In this critical situation, however, my concern was different from that of most of my comrades. Their question was, "Will we survive the camp? For, if not, all this suffering has no meaning." The question which beset me was, "Has all this suffering, this dying around us, a meaning? For, if not, then ultimately there is no meaning to survival; for a life whose meaning depends upon such a happenstance - as whether one escapes or not - ultimately would not be worth living at all.

A life that suddenly comes up short of our expectations, a life suddenly thrust into unbearable pain that we cannot understand, a life that doesn't seem as "perfect" as we envisioned, a life full of pleasures that never quite fill that aching for something more . . . these are all lives that may end in suicide or hardened cynicism.

What then is the answer?

You'll have to wait for part 2 on the Catholic concept of suffering . . . James just woke up. :)

Awesome artwork from: http://www.anthonymoman.com/Images/Anguish.jpg

Simplicity

2010-07-06T15:00:00.000-04:00

Some days I have to remind myself to un-complicate life. My emotions, my desires, my piles of paper, my plans . . . all these things can get very complicated. The result is that I get frustrated and feel helpless and stupid (the two ways I least like to feel).

I also tend to misdiagnose myself. For example: "I wish I didn't have so much to do" often should be translated, "I overestimated my ability to accomplish inhuman amounts of projects this week. I need to make more modest goals," OR "I was a lazy bum and didn't do my work when James was asleep."

My ways to un-complicate life:
1st--Pray. I can guarantee that if I'm stressed, it has something to do with my prayer life being on cruise-control or m.i.a.
2nd--Make a List. Then, make a more reasonable one (or just use a highlighter) to mark what I can actually do today.
3rd--Add Beauty. Beautiful things calm me down . . . a quiet moment with my husband, a cup of tea, classical music in the background as I work, a conversation with my sister on the phone while I conquer those pesky proliferating dirty dishes, or a simple arrangement of flowers that makes me want to clear off the ~~family desk~~ dining room table so I can showcase them better.

Funny how the best therapy is much cheaper than a professional massage or fancy vacation (though those can be lovely too). Sometimes the best remedy for a stressful, busy life is to just decide to make it simpler.

What do you do to simplify your life?

Pic: Some of my very first flowers that I've ever successfully grown . . . in my husband's cool-shaped beer bottle (b/c my bud vase went eternally missing during one of my moves.) Can you tell I'm proud of my gardening adventures?!

Egg Drop Soup: Liquid Gold

2010-06-30T13:49:00.002-04:00

I'm jumping on the bandwagon for Real Food Wednesdays

at Kelly the Kitchen Cop's blog. :)

When anyone in my family isn't feeling 100%, we have egg drop soup for dinner. It's incredibly nutritious with a mild but flavorful taste and a smooth texture, perfect for stuffy noses, grumpy tummies, foggy heads, tender mouths, and sleepy moms with little time to cook.

I like to make organic chicken stock for mine [read about why homemade chicken stock is a super healthy healer here]. Sometimes I cheat and use a box of Pacific organic chicken broth and just "boost" it at home with old chicken bones and bits of leftover meat mixed with onions and carrots and celery, salt and pepper, and a bay leaf. All of that goes into a crock pot for the day. Then, I skim the grease off the top and freeze it in jars or use it within a week.

The stock is great on it's own, but it doesn't feel like much of a meal. Thus, I make egg drop soup. Here's why eggs are such a great form of nutrition when you don't have much of an appetite for lots of heavy food! [just read the part under "Reason #1"]

Egg Drop Soup
For 2 people
*Boil 1 quart of organic chicken stock in a wide pot
*Mix 2 organic eggs in a separate bowl or in a liquid measuring cup
*When the stock is boiling, put in a little ginger powder or fresh grated ginger to taste (it is good for tummies)
*Then, stir the stock continuously while you pour small streams of egg into the twirling broth. It should instantly cook into threads of eggy-goodness.
*Finally, chop up some fresh chives and toss them in.

Ta-da! You're done.
As my mom used to sing over good meals, "It's delicious nutritious!"

Image: Mine usually looks like this one but I've never taken a pic. of it.
Here's where this one's from: http://www.chinatownofftmyers.com/images/egg_drop_soup.jpg

A Hundred Yesterdays Ago

2010-06-28T20:22:00.004-04:00

I feel as though I've been time traveling.

First of all, I've been attempting to read (or at least skim) my whole elective curriculum this week. [1 full book and 3 half books down!] My elective next semester is a college prep. (read "college freshman level") class on Utopian & Distopian Fiction (people making up societies that are either seriously wishful thinking or satirical). Thus, Brave New World, The Time Machine, 1984, and More's Utopia have been on my mind. AND my husband and I watched a post-apocalyptic sort of movie called The Road . . . which I will never watch again.

Aside from imaginatively traveling into the future, I feel that my hobbies are taking me back into the past.

This week we've been harvesting from our little garden. It's been doing ok, but not great. I can't imagine living in a place (or time) when I didn't have the option to run to the grocery to pick up extras of whatever didn't grow well in my garden.

Then, in the interest of maintaining our health, being financially smart, and preserving the "women's culinary culture" very much lost in our society, I've been making lots more food from scratch this summer. Finding uses for fresh produce like cucumber salad or a layered tex-mex dip is delicious and fun. I also made a pie crust from scratch for the first time in years and discovered it to not be nearly as hard as I imagined.

I've also attempted to make scones from freshly ground flour. This is MUCH better for you than store-bought flour or bread/wheat products. However, getting used to the rougher cut grain is tricky. The scones were a bit "nuttier" in flavor, courser in texture, and heavier in crumb than I'm used to. I added blueberries because they make everything taste delicious. I'm still going to have to work on this one . . . and I'm not even grounding the flour myself!

Lastly, I went shooting with my hubby for a date today. I think learning how to shoot his larger "home defense size" hand gun will be a good remedy to whisk away vulnerability dreams stemming from that horror movie I watched with him. [Do other moms get those too??] I wish I had a picture. I really enjoyed myself and appreciated my husband's patience with my many questions as I sought to improve my accuracy. It was not my first time handling a gun, but a deeper knowledge of firearms gives me an increased respect for the power of a gun and for the healthy enjoyment sportsmen gain from them. It also makes me feel like one of those women during the American Westward Expansion--they knew how to use a firearm. That was about as normal as using a shovel back then. It's only this polished urban mumbo-jumbo from the media that makes us think that guns are mysteriously dangerous on their own. Those women of the past would probably agree with the snarky bumper stickers that read: "Gun control is hitting your target."

I like pursuing hobbies that connect me to things people have been doing for hundreds or even thousands of years--things that were done a hundred yesterdays ago and then again today. New things (like blogging) are nice, but they don't have the depth, value, or aurora of timelessness that these older arts have.

Top image source: http://media.photobucket.com/image/time%20machine/MBLOOM777/ALPHABET%2520SOUP/the_time_machine_large_01.jpg

In the Spirit: Genuflecting

2010-06-26T14:03:00.002-04:00

I'm going to cheat. Instead of giving you my own reflections and research on the Catholic practice of genuflection, I'm going to point you to a homily written by an English priest whom I had the pleasure to know during a summer of FOCUS training. Enjoy!

Image: http://rcspiritualdirection.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/genuflect.jpg

St. Thomas More: Thought for the Day

2010-06-22T16:07:00.001-04:00

St. Thomas More was the leading intellectual of his day. He was the adviser to Henry VIII and held many eminent positions in the government and academia of England. However, he opposed Henry's illicit divorce and remarriage and he refused to take a oath to Henry, recognizing him as the supreme head of the Church of England. For this, he was incarcerated in the Tower of London [I went to see his cell & where he scratched his name on the wall!] and beheaded. Here's an inspiring quote from this brave man to aid your meditation on his feast day:

"What does it avail to know that there is a God, which you not only believe by Faith, but also know by reason: what does it avail that you know Him if you think little of Him?" St. Thomas More

Also, below is The Prayer of St. Thomas More. At my school, we begin each day with this prayer to our patron. It is an efficacious prayer as I seek to focus my efforts towards living for Christ each day.

O Lord,
give us a mind
that is humble, quiet, peaceable,
patient and charitable,
and a taste of your Holy Spirit
in all our thoughts, words, and deeds.
O Lord,
give us a lively faith, a firm hope,
a fervant charity, a love of you.
Take from us all lukewarmness in meditation
and all dullness in prayer.
Give us fervor and delight in thinking of you,
your grace, and your tender compassion toward us.
Give us,
good Lord,
the grace to work for
the things we pray for.

--St Thomas More, 1478-1535

Image: http://stmacademy.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/STMA_content-image_patron-saint.jpgg

My Twirling Mind: Googoo, Gaga, & Gye

2010-06-21T17:13:00.000-04:00

When we think of a mom multitasking, we often picture her talking on the phone, catching the cabinet door before it smashes an inquisitive baby's fingers, and washing the dishes . . . simultaneously. [Oh wait, that wasn't a stereotype, that was me about 3 minutes ago.] However, a mother must multitask not only physically but also mentally. I'm going to qualify how this happens in my life through 3 nonsense words: Googoo, Gaga, & Gye.

GooGoo
This is my "mom-brain" mode. I speak gibberish with my son and he responds in kind. I ask him about his little life in my higher-pitched "talking to something small and cute voice". Sometimes, it's easier to talk to my husband (or about my husband) in the same tone, just to avoid switching too much. "James! Does Jameser's like avocado for dinner? Mmmmmm! How about Dada? Does Dada want beer with dinner tonight? Yay for beer after long days at work!" Ahem. I mean, "Hun, do want a beer or iced tea?"
Sometimes after a long day in "mommy mode", it's difficult to switch out. It's especially hard to interpolate intellectual or spiritual reading into my schedule. "James, can you play nicely with your blocks while Mommy tries to learn Middle English? Yay blocks!" Yes, I am that crazy.

Gaga
As in Lady Gaga. I know very little about her . . . I like it that way. However, I teach teens and I live in the world. Thus, it is prudent and useful for me to know something about what's going on beyond the front doors of my house or the school. Being connected to current issues and events also helps me to discuss something "adult" but not work-related with my husband over dinner. I also think it is crucial to be an informed voter in a society that's moral standing is tenuous at best.

Yet, I must be careful of two things: first, that my time online or listening to talk radio does not absorb an inordinate amount of time, and secondly, that I do not lose my virtue of hope or charity as I listen to the disheartening fusillade of attacks on human dignity, modesty, discretion, peace, truth, etc. that make up the majority of "news".

Thus, this secondary form of "mental multitasking" is the attempt to live in this world, as I am called to do as an adult, Christian citizen.

Gye
Gye is not really a nonsense word; it just sounds like one to the modern audience. It is actually the Middle English verb for "to guide". Since I'm currently studying that form of English, this term will suffice to represent for me my call both to seek guidance in my life and to be a guide to others, especially to my child. Therefore, the tertiary mental mode that I must attempt to develop is that of an intellectual and spiritual person.

Depending on one's natural aptitude for such things, the "intellectual life" of several mothers could all look rather different. I think what's important is that we seek some adult conversation and reading to incorporate into our lives that helps us to learn how to be a better person. I've read that the best way for a dad to be a good father is for him to love his wife unconditionally. This points towards a truth that applies to mothers as well. When I myself am a good person (or at least am striving to be saintly), I am serving my children. Parents are the primary educators of their children. As such, we must be actively thinking people, not passive receptors of advice, news, cultural trends, and modes of behavior. Our children need to see integrity and discernment practiced by their parents.

Our intellectual lives are intimately linked with our spiritual lives; our intellect is an active principle of our souls. [Please, don't rake me over the coals for the philosophical inexactitude of that statement.] Our intellect should (ideally) govern our wills, and it is in our chosen activities that we live out our moral lives.

For example, I read a great book like The Hidden Power of Kindness for a few minutes before bed. I reflect on what I have read and apply it to myself and realize that I have not been as considerate of others as I could be by failing to be on time. The next day, remembering the previous reflection, even though my passions say, "Sleep in late. Take it easy this morning. Rushing around won't help you start the day on a good foot," I know that I need to be on time for an appointment. My intellectual knowledge of the good helps me reorient my will to chose the best action, and I stumble toward the shower.

This last area of mental development calls us to a life beyond the pressing needs of the moment. This is the "not of the world" component of the Christian life that focuses us on our eternal purpose and on the deeper significance of our sometimes mundane tasks. Taking time to reorient our lives according to a truth beyond ourselves helps us to live for others and to live for God; this mental practice enriches our lives.

The Catch
A person a peace is not divided and is not artificial. How do I switch between mom with son, wife with spouse, and teacher with students modes and yet stay at peace? How do I gracefully live life as a loving woman who lives in but not of this world?

I've heard it takes a lot of practice and patience to be able successfully to juggle three balls. I have not yet tried juggling for more than about 15 minutes. Juggling these three mental modes can be challenging. The pursuit of wisdom is not a task for the faint of heart. I certainly don't have it figured out yet; I am continually realizing that I am neglecting one or two of the above mental modes. Occasionally, I feel that I'm failing at all three [when I'm in "zombie overload mode" and just want a glass of wine and a stupid chick flick.] However, I know that it's a worthy pursuit.

Proverbs 14:1
The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.

I want to build up my husband and children and friends. I want to create a home that will be a safe haven of virtue and peace and a thriving source of life and love. If Wisdom will help me to accomplish those goals, then God help me to seek her.

James 1:5
If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

What do you do to balance and develop these "mental modes" in your life?

Image:http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3451/3900229689_f95d1fed37.jpg

Honor Your Father . . .

2010-06-19T21:27:00.000-04:00

A happy and blessed Father's Day to all of the dads out there!

I think few people truly appreciate the importance of the father's role in a family and in the development of his children. Just look at all of the cards out there for this holiday. They all have neckties, jokes about being dumb (thanks you sitcoms of America for that stereotype), half-hearted apologies for being a jerk, or pictures of grills, golf, and beer. Maybe I've just been extraordinarily blessed to be around men who have deserved much more thanks than a creased piece of paper with "Thanks for bein' my old man" scrawled across the front.

Men who truly become servant leaders within their families and communities have an extraordinarily positive impact on the lives around them. They uplift women beyond their insecurities to be beautiful and strong and capable of great self-sacrifice; a woman will do anything for a man she profoundly respects. Good men challenge the other men and boys around them to guard that which is valuable, sacred, and fragile and to provide a good home, a safe community, and a culture of justice and integrity for others.

Three dads in my life have helped me to become the woman I am today.

I barely remember a time when my dad only worked one job. Providing for his family has always been a top priority for him, and he would rather put in long hours at work and on the road than to see any of his daughters lack something they needed. He made a point of picking out individual gifts for us for Christmas and sometimes cards for Valentine's Day. His relationship with each daughter was different and important to him. When I have come home on vacations from school, missionary activity, or life as a teacher/mother/wife, he invites me on a lunch date to catch up. That investment in quality time, despite his busy schedule, was always precious to me. He also taught me to follow my dreams and make time for passions that make me come alive, even if it doesn't always seem practical. He is a gifted tenor and not only has made his passion into a side-business, but has also done benefit concerts for various organizations and Churches. His daughters are not alone in looking up to him as a generous and good-hearted man.

As a married woman, I have been blessed with a new father-in-law. Not every daughter-in-law truly feels that she is not just "my son's wife" but is also "my daughter" in the way my father-in-law has welcomed me into his family. It's a good thing we get along, because he also happens to be my boss at work. :) Seeing him both at home and at work, I have deep respect for the integrity and humility with which he leads his daily life. Family is always his top priority, but he also has a heart for serving the community, especially through character-forming education. When he has difficult decisions to make, I often see him stop mid-stream, go to the chapel for 5 minutes of reflection, and then come back to the task at hand with a clearer perspective on the issue. I can easily see where my husband has learned some of his many virtues.

Lastly, my husband is not only a loving spouse but also a dedicated father to our 8 month old son. I remember reading books that advised tired mothers not to "dump" the baby on dad the second he comes home from work. I've never had to worry about that--my husband sweeps James into the air and goofs off with him the minute he steps in the door. Some people have joked that my husband "has to be Mr. Mom" on Mondays when he watches our son while I'm at work. My response is that I love to see how his relationship with James is totally different from mine. Rather than trying to replace or mirror me in his interactions with James, my husband is already forming him into a "guy" and a man through games, "man to man chats", and ways of bonding that would never even occur to me. I could not imagine a boy whose father could possibly love him more. Seeing the two of them play together (and seeing the way my husband pitches in when James is not so happy too) brings more joy to my life than I can express.

Make sure your dad knows today how much you value and respect him. It's not easy to "love your wife as Christ loved the Church" and "train up a child in the way he should go so that when he is old he will not depart from it." May God bless our fathers richly for the blessing they have been to each of us! St. Joseph, pray for all fathers.

In the Spirit: Devotion to the Sacred Heart

2010-06-19T15:27:00.001-04:00

From the earliest centuries, “Christ’s open side and the mystery of blood and water were meditated upon, and the Church was beheld issuing from the side of Jesus, as Eve came forth from the side of Adam. . . . It is in the eleventh and twelfth centuries that we find the first unmistakable indications of devotion to the Sacred Heart. Through the wound in the side, the wounded Heart was gradually reached, and the wound in the Heart symbolized the wound of love.”
(from the Article “Devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus” in the Catholic Encyclopedia)

The month of June is dedicated by the Church to the Sacred Heart. Catholics have a rich tradition of meditation on the Sacred Heart of Jesus. This is not a meditation on an isolated organ of Our Lord's human body, but rather, we meditate on His Sacred Heart as a symbol of his love for us--a symbol intrinsically linked to the reality of sacrificial love, since His heart was "pierced for our transgressions."

This devotion was ratified and promulgated through the visions of St. Margaret Mary Alacoque (1647-1690). She wrote beautiful meditations and records of her visions [I have yet to read them, but friends tell me they're inspiring]. In those writings, she writes that Our Lord made special promises to those who received Holy Communion on 9 consecutive 1st Fridays [the 1st Friday of 9 months in a row]. Check them out!

Sometimes I think that we do not so much choose particular devotions as Christ picks them for us. The devotion to the Sacred Heart has been like that for me. Soon after my family converted to the Catholic faith, we found a picture of the Sacred Heart in our basement. It used to hang above my grandma's bed when she was young, and for some reason she had given it to my dad. The worn picture was given a place of honor above my bed, and as a little girl I used to stand on my bed, kiss Christ's heart, and tell Him I loved Him every night before bed. Since that time, images of the Sacred Heart, churches under that patronage, and a religious order by that name have all been prominent in my spiritual journey. My favorite statue of the Sacred Heart was in the Cathedral in Mexico City; Christ's gaze of love, compassion, and strength is just as I have always pictured it. Alas, I didn't have my camera with me at the moment . . .

Have you ever seen images of a heart with thorns and flames like this? Well, now you know where that image comes from. I dare you to compliment someone on their tattoo and ask if they have a special devotion to the Sacred Heart. You'll either get looked at strangely or have an awesome missionary moment. I think we should reclaim this "trendy" icon!

And while we're talking about spreading devotion to the Sacred Heart . . . check out this awesome Catholic t-shirt from RomanticCatholic.com [I love their stuff!]

Here is a beautiful novena to the Sacred Heart.

Do you have a favorite devotion that you feel has "been given to you"? Have you ever done the 9 First Fridays devotion? Tell us about it!

Image sources: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LURE4rYB4nE/SjxoThlpqUI/AAAAAAAABUw/1ckcyHF8KZg/s400/sacred-heart-of-jesus.gif
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2090/2306796968_07324d24f0.jpg

Does This Make Me Look Fat?

2010-06-15T10:35:00.001-04:00

I was talking to my husband again last night about how frustrated I get with myself when I start obsessing over what other people think of me. My mental publicity director starts wondering, "What will my student think of me after seeing me out and about with no make-up in a t-shirt and shorts?" "What will that friend think of my e-mail I sent?" "What did that person think of the conversation we just had; did I sound stupid?" "What did my mom and dad think of my parenting of my son last week? Did I look like a good mom?"

I'm ok with knowing that I have faults as well as talents and virtues. [The being ok with having faults piece took quite a few years of prayer . . . ] Now, I just have to be ok with the idea that other people may think I have faults too. That's not so easy. I like to be liked. I like to be looked up to. I prefer not to have awkward moments or to be embarrassed by my actions, words, or omissions.

Some of that sensitivity to the thoughts of others is fine--we live in community and should be considerate of those around us. I should not sing nursery rhymes at the top of my lungs in the grocery aisle in the full confidence that I'm "being true to myself." Courtesy is itself a virtue. However, my personal publicity director is not virtuous. That's one of those curses from the Fall; Eve and her female progeny are never sure that they won't be judged and objectified by others. They struggle with not defensively judging others in turn.

I must constantly remind myself that I am loved. God loves me infinitely; my husband loves me much more than I could ever deserve on my own merits. My family and friends love me despite my faults. James loves me totally in his own way--though that may also have something to do with milk. :)

If you too struggle, read this. Max Lucado's "You Are Special" is of my favorite stories about shedding the worries of self-doubt and relying on God instead.

Image: http://www.harrybliss.com/store/images/me_look_fat.jpg

7 Habits of a Happy Marriage

2010-06-03T19:51:00.000-04:00

This is a GREAT article. Read it . . . all of it . . . don't skim read. And then think about how you can apply each habit more deeply to your life and your marriage. Don't you dare say, "I've got that one down already," because we can all grow in more perfectly loving our spouse. (If you truly do have one or all of these down perfectly, come hang out with me and maybe it will rub off).

Image: http://moncafevert.com/img/man_woman_coffee.jpg

Props for Pranksters

2010-06-03T16:44:00.000-04:00

Filpping everything in the classroom over (senior prank this year at my school) = not creative.

This prank at a college observatory building = totally awesome.
Props. You have my respect pranksters.

See here for original post: http://io9.com/5553975/best-astronomy+related-college-prank-ever

Sacred Heart Novena: Start Today!

2010-06-02T17:10:00.001-04:00

Here's a beautiful novena to say for your family every day for 9 days leading up to the Feast of the Sacred Heart. Start tonight!
Padre Pio used to say this prayer every day for those whom he promised to pray for.

Say this part every day:

Efficacious Novena to the Sacred Heart of Jesus

I. O my Jesus, you have said: "Truly I say to you, ask and you will receive, seek and you will find, knock and it will be opened to you." Behold I knock, I seek and ask for the grace of...... (here name your request)
Our Father....Hail Mary....Glory Be to the Father....Sacred Heart of Jesus, I place all my trust in you.

II. O my Jesus, you have said: "Truly I say to you, if you ask anything of the Father in my name, he will give it to you." Behold, in your name, I ask the Father for the grace of.......(here name your request) Our Father...Hail Mary....Glory Be To the Father....Sacred Heart of Jesus, I place all my trust in you.

III. O my Jesus, you have said: "Truly I say to you, heaven and earth will pass away but my words will not pass away." Encouraged by your infallible words I now ask for the grace of.....(here name your request) Our Father....Hail Mary....Glory Be to the Father...Sacred Heart of Jesus, I place all my trust in you.

O Sacred Heart of Jesus, for whom it is impossible not to have compassion on the afflicted, have pity on us miserable sinners and grant us the grace which we ask of you, through the Sorrowful and Immaculate Heart of Mary, your tender Mother and ours.
Say the Hail, Holy Queen and add: St. Joseph, foster father of Jesus, pray for us.
-- by St. Margaret Mary Alacoque

You may add this part on the Feast of the Sacred Heart:

Consecration of Our Marriage to the Sacred Heart of Jesus Through the Immaculate Heart of Mary

"Oh, Immaculate Heart of Mary, sure refuge of sinners and firm anchor of salvation, to you do we wish to consecrate today our marriage. In these times of great spiritual battle, of struggle between authentic family values and a worldly mentality of permissiveness, we ask you, our Mother and Teacher, to show us the way of true love, of commitment, of fidelity, of sacrifice and of service. By consecrating ourselves to you today, we beseech you to receive us into your Heart, to cover us with your Pure Mantel, to keep us in your maternal arms and to lead us on the sure path to the Sacred Heart of your Son, Jesus Christ.

You who are the Mother of Christ, we ask you to form and mold us so that we can both be living images of Jesus in our marriage, in our family, in the Church and in the world.

You who are Virgin and Mother, pour upon us and upon our marriage, the spirit of purity of heart, of mind and of body.

You who are our Spiritual Mother, help us to grow in the life of grace and of holiness. Do not permit us to fall into mortal sin nor to waste or misuse the graces won for us by your Son on the Cross.

You who are the Teacher of Souls, teach us to be docile like you. May we receive with obedience and gratefulness the Truth revealed by Christ in His Word and in the Church.

You who are the Mediatrix of all graces, be the Pure channel through which we receive in our lives and in our marriage, the graces of conversion, of love, of peace, of communication, of unity and of comprehension.

You who are the Intercessor before you Son, keep your merciful gaze upon us and upon our marriage. Draw close to your son imploring from Him, as You did in Cana, for the miracle of wine which we may lack.

You who are the Coredemtrix, teach us to be faithful to each other in moments of suffering and of cross. In times of trail, may we not seek our own well-being but rather the good of the other, remaining ever faithful to the commitment which we have received from God. May we always live these moments of sacrifice and struggle united to your Crucified Son.

In virtue of the union of the Immaculate Heart of Mary with the Sacred Heart of Christ, we pray that our marriage may be strengthen in unity, in love, in responsibility to our duties and in the generous self-offering of one to the other and to the children we will receive from Our Lord. May our home be a domestic sanctuary where we pray together and where we communicate with each other with joy and enthusiasm. May our marriage be for others, a visible sign of love and fidelity. We beseech you O Mother, in virtue of this consecration, that our marriage may be protected from all spiritual, physical or material evil. May your Immaculate Heart reign in our home so that Jesus Christ may be loved, heard and obeyed in our family. Sustained by His love and His grace, may we dispose ourselves to construct daily, the civilization of love: the Reign of the Two Hearts. Amen.

Consecration of the Family to the Sacred Heart of Jesus

Sacred Heart of Jesus, You made clear to Saint Margaret Mary Your desire of being King in Christian families. We today wish to proclaim Your most complete kingly dominion over our own family. We want to live in the future with Your life. We want to cause to flourish in our midst those virtues to which You have promised peace here below. We want to banish far from us the spirit of the world which You have cursed. You shall be King over our minds in the simplicity of our faith, and over our hearts by the wholehearted love with which they shall burn for You, the flame of which we will keep alive by the frequent reception of Your divine Eucharist. Be so kind, O divine Heart, as to preside over our assemblings, to bless our enterprises, both spiritual and temporal, to dispel our cares, to sanctify our joys, and to alleviate our sufferings. If ever one or other of us should have the misfortune to afflict You, remind him, O Heart of Jesus, that You are good and merciful to the penitent sinner. And when the hour of separation strikes, when death shall come to cast mourning into our midst, we will all, both those who go and those who stay, be submissive to Your eternal decrees. We shall console ourselves with the thought that a day will come when the entire family, reunited in heaven, can sing forever Your glories and Your mercies. May the Immaculate Heart of Mary and the glorious patriarch Saint Joseph present this consecration to You, and keep it in our minds all the days of our life. All glory to the Heart of Jesus, our King and our Father!

Image: http://consecratedtomary.files.wordpress.com/2007/10/sacred-heart-of-jesus.gif

Truly Open-minded

2010-06-01T10:50:00.001-04:00

Our society has a problem (ok, so it has several problems, but we'll just focus on one today) . . .
It dubs one with the honorable title "Open-minded" when you are empty-headed and receptive to their ideas and close-minded to anyone else's ideas.

Example:
I am open-minded if I think that we need to financially back new technologies to save our endangered planet (no matter how tenuous and unsupported and ineffective those technologies and the global warming hypothesis may be.)
I am close-minded if I think that our public school system is a proven failure in comparison to our own standards and international standards of excellence and should be replaced with completely different models of teaching and curriculum based on a core group of texts and subjects, traditional ethics, stronger discipline, and critical thinking development.

Close-mindedness has come to be the label branded on any independent and/or traditional thinker. Our government (and the educators who enjoy their symbiotic relationship with Big Brother) has increasingly taken the line that "we'll handle all of those governmental complexities; just trust us; we'll take care of you." Has anyone else read 1984 or Brave New World? If you have, those phrases are hauntingly familiar and ominous.

Creativity is only encouraged along party lines. New ways to intrude on personal privacy, to normalize perverted forms of fornication, and to bring more aspects of daily life under government control are all welcome here! Research on the effects of contraceptive hormones on the environment, the true magnitude of post-abortion syndrome and abortion malpractice, and the effects of divorce and infidelity on children's character formation . . . honestly, that's all rather negative and unimportant. Or so I'm told.

A truly open-minded person is not susceptible to propaganda and band wagon appeals. As Chesterton illustrates vividly, "The object of opening the mind, as of opening the mouth, is to shut it again on something solid." Dr. Suess would agree:
     My uncle ordered popovers
      from the restaurant's bill of fare.
      And, when they were served,
      he regarded them with a penetrating stare.
      Then he spoke great words of wisdom
      as he sat there on that chair:
      "To eat these things," said my uncle,
      "You must exercise great care.
      You may swallow down what's solid,
      but you must spit out the air!"
     And as you partake of the world's bill of fare,
      that's darned good advice to follow.
      Do a lot of spitting out the hot air.
      And be careful what you swallow.
      ~Theodore Seuss Geisel (Dr. Seuss), from a commencement address

One who deserves the title "open-minded" in the sense of a virtue is one who has the humility to admit they may be wrong, the strength of character to change when they find a deeper truth to adhere to, and the confidence to close their mind against temptations to dishonesty, sophistry, fallacious thinking, and the influence of weaker characters.

I've always liked to think that I'm the type of person who has been unafraid to fight the current. However, I too have moments when I compare my body to the girl on the magazine in the grocery store aisle; I want to just smile and nod instead of redirecting a conversation that has taken a wrong turn into the realm of gossip or illogical argumentation; I want to think that "I know better" than the generations that go before me just because some of my skills or fluidity with technology is better; I want to just be told what to think and to do, rather than to research, to seek for truth, and to change myself when I find my virtue is weak and my logic unsound.

Some thoughts to consider:

> If you don't control your mind, someone else will. ~John Allston

> Be open-minded, but not so open-minded that your brains fall out. ~Stephen A. Kallis, Jr.

> Custom will reconcile people to any atrocity; and fashion will drive them to acquire any custom. ~George Bernard Shaw

> Finding the occasional straw of truth awash in a great ocean of confusion and bamboozle requires intelligence, vigilance, dedication and courage. But if we don't practice these tough habits of thought, we cannot hope to solve the truly serious problems that face us - and we risk becoming a nation of suckers, up for grabs by the next charlatan who comes along. ~Carl Sagan, The Fine Art of Baloney Detection

> “...when faith resolves to believe it runs the risk of committing itself to an error, but it nevertheless believes. There is no other road to faith; if one wishes to escape risk, it is as if one wanted to know with certainty that he can swim before going into the water.” ~Kierkegaard

Image: http://www.fernandobaril.com.br/imagens/open_mind.jpg

Was it sufficiently creepy to get you to read my overly-long post?

In the Spirit: The Church's Woman Warriors

2010-05-29T19:39:00.001-04:00

The consecrated life is at the very heart of the Church as a decisive element for her mission, since it “manifests the inner nature of the Christian calling” and the striving of the whole Church as Bride towards union with her one Spouse… [It] is also a precious and necessary gift for the present and future of the People of God, since it is an intimate part of her life, her holiness and her mission.
(JPII, Vita Consecrata, 3)

There are probably few aspects of Catholicism as misunderstood as the consecrated life of a nun or sister. [Trivia: Nuns stay in convents all the time; sisters have a more active apostolate and can sometimes work in the secular world or in religious schools, while returning to pray and live with their religious community.] They become the object of many jokes . . .

and are often seen as either a strict disciplinarian wielding a ruler or as a group of goofy non-conformists . . .

But, in my experience, religious sisters are one of the most beautiful manifestations of a life dedicated utterly and totally to God.

My best friend from college joined a group of religious sisters--the Society of the Sacred Heart, founded by St. Madeleine Sophie Barat in France (it is her feast day today). Watching her fall in love with the most perfect Lover of all was breathtakingly beautiful. Hearing of her very individual and personal "proposal" as she received her calling to Sacro Cuore was a scene from a timeless romance. Now, seeing the sacrifices she lovingly makes to teach, to learn, to pray, to love within the apostolate of her order inspires me to better live my own vocation faithfully and selflessly.

Religious sisters know that our world needs people who can dedicate themselves fully to praying for the rest of us who are "too busy" to pray for ourselves. They also teach, serve, and love those in society who are ostracized and abused by everyone else.

Mother Teresa was an extraordinary person, but, in a sense, her daily actions in service were not heroic beyond that of many religious sisters throughout time and today. I am called to be a mother to my one little boy right now; consecrated religious women are the spouses of God, the sisters of each of us, and the mothers to every wandering soul in the world. Truly, that is a profound calling and privilege.

Take a moment to pray for these outstanding women who serve you and the Church in more ways than we'll ever know.

**Check out these awesome documents of the church written on the vocation to consecrated life!

http://iruntheinternet.com/lulzdump/images/nunchucks-nuns-chuck-norris-nun-12593488599.jpg
http://caravanofdreams.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/nun_ruler.jpg
http://blog.oneplusinfinity.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/nun2.jpg
http://nashvilledominican.org/img/sideimg/116_167.png

The Cool People Are Doing It

2010-05-28T16:46:00.001-04:00

Shout out to all the cool moms and dads out there with their own "Swagger Wagons"!

[Thanks Christy for the link!]

Wisdom of Children

2010-05-26T12:08:00.000-04:00

A father wanted to read a magazine but was being bothered by his little girl, Shelby. She wanted to know what the United States looked like. Finally, he tore a sheet out of his new magazine on which was printed the map of the country. Tearing it into small pieces, he gave it to Shelby and said, "Go into the other room and see if you can put this together. This will show you our whole country today."

After a few minutes, Shelby returned and handed him the map, correctly fitted and taped together. The father was surprised and asked how she had finished so quickly.

"Oh," she said, "on the other side of the paper is a picture of Jesus. When I got all of Jesus back where He belonged, then our country just came together."

Not a bad idea . . .

Image: http://www.piperreport.com/archives/Images/Puzzle%20of%20State%20Health%20Reforms.jpg

Croutons the Ol' Fashioned Way

2010-05-23T12:35:00.000-04:00

I will never go back to expensive, break-your-teeth, store-bought croutons. If we have bread that goes stale or gets some mold (which I cut off), I just toss it in the freezer with "crouton" scribbled on it in marker. When it's time for a delicious salad, here's what I do:

Croutons from Scratch

Cut bread into 1/2"-1" chunks/squares
Put a couple tablespoons of olive oil and butter in a pan; melt on low and toss in bread
Cook on medium, stirring every so often until they start to get brown (this only takes a few minutes)
While they're cooking, sprinkle with salt and pepper and any other spices you like
When they begin to get brown, turn the pan off and just let it sit; the longer they sit in the warm pan, the crunchier they get; pull them off when they're to your taste

I usually begin this before I start anything else for a salad and let it cook while I chop and dice and mix the salad ingredients. By the time the rest of the salad is done, the croutons are too!

Some seasoning suggestions:

Italian: garlic powder, onion powder, & basil
Butter & Garlic: use more butter than oil & fresh or powdered garlic
Cheddar & Dill: use a bit of dill & put shredded cheddar on--I have not yet tried this, but I would recommend baking them at 350 instead of pan browning them if you use cheese
Asian: totally guessing, but it seems that some powdered ginger and chives would be cool on a salmon salad or something
Parmesan: just mix some in

Other tips:

Make some extras & really dry them out. Put them in a food processor and grind them up for fresh breadcrumbs.
A hearty bread like Trader Joe's hearth -baked Tuscan Pane works wonderfully!

Have fun saving money and getting a better flavor boost to your salads!

In the Spirit: Guardian Angels

2010-05-22T17:13:00.037-04:00

Angel of God, my guardian dear,

to whom God's love commits me here,

ever this day (/night) be at my side

to light, to guard, to rule, to guide.

I recently discovered that this prayer (one of my favorites) fits beautifully to the tune of Rock 'a Bye Baby. [A wonderful finding since I love that tune but can't stand to sing the original words to my child--morbid English songwriters . . . ]

A strong belief in guardian angels was one of the first and easiest things for me to grasp onto when my family converted to Catholicism. For some reason it was easy for me to know that they are around us all the time, and it was comforting for me to think that I could form a relationship with my personal angel who would help defend me against the fallen angels who "prowl through the world seeking the ruin of souls."

I don't have time to write a whole "how do we know angels exist and we each have our own" defense right now. But here are some interesting angel facts:

<3 Every individual angel is it's own species. So the angels are as different from each other in a spiritual sense as various animal species are different from each other in a physical sense.

<3 Angels make one choice for or against God and then keep that fixed intent through their eternal existence. This is because their intellects are so perfected and their wills are so strong that they don't suffer from fickle changes of purpose as we do.

<3 Several saints have been able to talk to their angels on a regular basis. Others have had their angels appear in various forms to protect them at various points.

<3 A woman I spoke with who worked for a hospice center said that many people see their angels in the days, hours, or minutes before they die.

I love this image by Caravaggio of Matthew and the Angel because it shows in the movement of the angel's hand that it is guiding the gospel writer. Matthew's face shows his amazement and awe in the task that he is able to do with this supernatural help.
http://www.lib-art.com/imgpainting/8/5/8058-st-matthew-and-the-angel-caravaggio.jpg

This 2nd image is of one of the angels on the Bridge of the Angels in Rome. I used to stand on this bridge and look toward Vatican City. The angels lining the bridge each hold various signs of the Passion. I picture guardian angels to look more like this--more masculine, strong, upright, and clearly in love of their God.
http://www.nycerome.com/rome-hotels-images/areas-of-rome-images/st-peter-vatican-area-pictures/st-angel-bridge.jpg

Mother & Child: An Unbreakable Bond

2010-05-19T15:17:00.000-04:00

This is a fascinating article about how a mother receives some cells from her unborn child and her child in turn receives some of the mother's cells. These cells remain in eachother's bodies for years. Scientists have discovered that the "foreign" cells (esp. from a healthy mother's body) actually cluster and repair weakened or sickened tissue within the child's body, and the child's cells similarly repair the mother's body. This is why some women with various life-long illnesses and auto-immune disorders will temporarily feel well during pregnancy.

How beautiful is it that God designed mothers and children biologically to help each other even on the cellular level. I'll keep that in mind if any of my children ever goes through one of those "rebellious teen phases"; even if I cannot help them emotionally at that time, my cells are in their body helping to counteract the effects of stress and strain on their organs. There's something kinda creepy and mostly really cool about that . . .

Vicki Thorn | Headline Bistro

Posted using ShareThis

Image from: http://msp190.photobucket.com/albums/z41/starlitshores/mother_child.jpg

A Little Girl with Big Dreams

2010-05-15T15:54:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I have to smile when I think of myself as a little girl (or of what I can remember of those years anyways), because I realize that in many ways I have not changed very much. Family, books, and East Coast hills and mountains are my comfort zone; I love swirly skirts; and I love to learn.

That little girl also always wanted to write. When I was little, I naively created piles of books that opened the wrong direction (lefties would have loved me), contained creative spellings of the big words I knew, and spoke about happy things inside their brightly colored covers. I now have learned which way to staple a book. The other two elements have not changed.

I decided yesterday that I want to write a book . . . well, 4 books actually. The theme would be discovering one's role as a woman and daughter of God in the modern world (each book covering a different stage of life). The idea is not very unique, but I hope my approach would fill the gaping hole that I think is missing in this genre of literature. I find that currently published books are (1) naive about the real struggles facing young women today and they just want to talk about what clothes to wear and not ever dating until you're 25 OR (2) they are graphically honest about the struggles of young women (sometimes to the point of verbal pornography [eg: Girls on the Edge]) and miss the center of who women are by merely focusing on "healing and empowerment" OR (3) they make every young women who reads them suddenly start focusing on how "emotionally scarred" she is [eg: Captivating]. In addition, rarely do these books combine tech-age teen experience with the richness of Catholic Tradition & Scripture. Finally, too many books say "find yourself" and "avoid all these bad things" without explaining how. Tall order, yes. But maybe I'll make it a several-year project, and we'll see what happens.

If you have any ideas for chapters/themes let me know!

In the Spirit: Apostolic Succession

2010-05-15T10:23:00.000-04:00

One of the things that fascinates me about the Catholic priesthood is that we have something called "apostolic succession." That basically means that every validly ordained priest was consecrated to God by a bishop, who was in turn ordained by a bishop. This unbroken chain links the authority of the priesthood directly to the apostles of Christ who were "appointed . . . to be with him, and to be sent out to preach and have authority to cast out demons" (Mk 3:14-15) and "to cure diseases" (Lk 9:1) and "forgive men's sins" (Jn 20:21-23). [Some of those aspects of the priestly mission are for another post and another day.]

That direct link with Christ gives me confidence in the One Church that was founded by Christ. His apostles knew that this authority was not merely for the Early Church and that it did not have an "expiration date." This authority was a necessary means to guide and unite the people of Christ throughout the ages. On Friday, the Church celebrated the feast of St. Matthias, the man chosen to replace Judas as a leader of the Church. He was blessed, consecrated, and called to service just as the original apostles were. This is our first example of apostolic succession, an example that has been followed ever since.

Image from: http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_OZEW1KPpFOI/Sk4IxNfbKlI/AAAAAAAAB5w/iQturaeZZ0s/s400/Priestly%2BOrdination%2B2007.jpg

Sun Tea: Ya'll just come git some

2010-05-10T20:14:00.000-04:00

One of my favorite Southern culinary staples is sun tea. Until I made it, I had always assumed that it required time (something on short supply these days), lots of dishes (I don't like those), and some sort of special magic (a sacrifice to Phoebus or fairy dust or something). Not to kill any equally romantic ideas that you may have about the elusive brewing of sun tea, but it's a sinch.

Sun Tea
1) Fill a pitcher with filtered water
2) Place 4 tea bags in it (if they have strings hang them over the side)
3) Put a top on the pitcher or put plastic wrap over the top
4) Let it sit outside in the hot sun long enough for it to turn a nice amber color and be as strong as you like it
[Once it's warm you may mix in honey or sugar to taste; I keep mine unsweetened]
5) Take out the tea bags & put the pitcher in the fridge until it's cold

Speed Version
Do steps 1-4 & then shake the tea with ice in a mixed-drink shaker and pour the tea into a glass over ice.

Flavor Fun
> Squirt lemon juice in at the end for an Arnold Palmer
> 3 bags black tea (I like English or Irish Breakfast) with 1 bag lemon OR 1 bag lemon ginger
> 3 bags black tea and 1 bag pomegranate (or something else fruity and sweet; it makes it taste less bitter and more like sweet tea without the sugar)
> Use all herbal tea or green tea of some sort. You would be surprised how good even spiced "winter" teas like a red rooibus chai can be when iced. Mint is very refreshing, as are berry, fruit, and rose-based teas.

Health Notes
* Caffeinated tea has about 1/3 the amount of caffeine as an equal liquid measure of coffee
* Get "naturally decaffeinated" if you want decaf black teas. The other stuff uses chemicals to remove the caffeine. The same is true for coffee.
* Get organic tea when possible. There are no regulations on the amount of pesticides used directly on normal tea leaves. This is especially important for pregnant and nursing moms so you don't pass the toxins to your little one.
* Good quality tea has lots of health benefits for you, for your colicky baby, and for your kids (in popsicles!)

Drink up!

To All Mothers . . .

2010-05-09T13:53:00.001-04:00

I used to think fancy dinners out or going to show or traveling was a nice occasional luxury.
Now, I think that painting my nails, long showers, or eating with everyone else is a real treat.

I used to think that self-sacrifice meant staying up until 11 or 12 to talk to a friend who was going through a hard time.
Now, I think that self-sacrifice is not having slept through the night in almost a year . . . and still thinking that every late-night "party" is worth the effort.

I used to think that mothers were sensitive to movie violence and to other people's tragedies because they were weak.
Now, I know that they are empathetic because they are strong and they feel others' pain as if it were their own to help bear.

I used to do laundry once a week, sometimes once every two weeks if I had extra sheets or towels.
Yeah, that was a long time ago . . .

I used to seek for verbal affirmation when I served others.
Now, hugs that smell like little boy sweat and dirty hands reaching towards me are a beautiful reward.

I used to have quiet time for prayer and meditation.
Now, I've learned to pray often amidst noise and while busy, because otherwise I wouldn't survive.

I used to think I was multi-tasking when I talked to someone while cooking.
Now, the only time I'm not multitasking is when I'm asleep . . . maybe.

I used to think my husband was wonderful because he bought me flowers or took me on a long drive through the mountains.
Now, I think my husband is wonderful because I couldn't live without him.

To all the mothers out there who can relate, I wish you a beautiful and blessed Mother's Day! May Christ's Mother, Mary, intercede on your behalf that Christ may grant you strength when you're tired, peace when you're busy, and joy as she had in the presence of the Lord all of your days.

Image from: http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f61/christine_daae_Phantoms_Angel/victorian%20paintings/mother20and20child20full20and20colo.jpg

In the Spirit: Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-08T12:34:00.000-04:00

In anticipation of Sunday, I wanted to wish all the mother's who join me here a beautiful and blessed Mother's Day. I also want to encourage you to take this opportunity to establish a deeper relationship with the Mother of us all, Mary.

While both Muslims and Protestants respect Mary as a virtuous woman worthy of emulation, only Catholics ask for her intercession and honor her as our best example of human perfection.

Only Catholics believe that she was conceived without the curse of Original Sin. This means that God, anticipating the great gift He would bestow upon her, preserved her from the inclination to sin that every man and woman has inherited since the Fall of Man in the Garden of Eden. Mary was still capable of sin, as were Adam and Eve, but she, like them, was not divided within herself (her intellect and will and passions were not at war) when she was born. If God desired to begin the human race with a mother, Eve, who was pure at birth (though she fell), why would it be strange for him to renew the human race with a New Eve (a role emphasized by Christ when he called her "Woman" on several occasions) similarly blessed? We also have evidence in the angel's greeting, "Hail, full of grace," and in early Church teachings that Mary was indeed given this privilege.

Catholics also see her as worthy of veneration (NOT worship!) in her reflection (and fulfillment) of the Ark of the Covenant. In the Old Testament, the Ark of the Covenant was carried wherever the Jewish people went. It was placed within the most sacred and hidden recesses of the Temple (once they established a permanent center of their kingdom) and was treated with great respect and celebration wherever it was carried. The box was not special in itself, but it carried the spiritual Presence of God and several sacred objects from their past. Mary, nothing on her own, was receptive to the Holy Spirit and embraced God Himself, physically and spiritually, within her womb. It is for this reason that we should honor Mary, she who was entrusted to John (and by extension to all "beloved disciples") with Christ's last breath.

Finally, we honor Mary and ask for her intercession as Queen of Heaven. In the Davidic line of kings, the wife of the king was not the queen, his mother was. It was she who helped advise the king and who heard the petitions of the people and presented them before him. In the new Kingdom established by David's greatest descendant, it would be logical to assume that Christ would grant the same role of honor and compassionate intercession to His mother. During their lives on earth at the Wedding Feast at Canna, Christ already allowed His mother to induce Him to work a miracle for the hosts. We believe that Mary is with Him in Heaven. How much more would He desire to help those friends of hers that have asked for her prayers on their behalf?

Personally, I constantly find Mary to be a source of inspiration in prayer. She trusted God completely, without demanding to know every detail, when He asked her to be a part of the salvation of the world. She lovingly served her husband and son throughout many hardships, moves, persecutions, and daily circumstances. She stood at the foot of the Cross, when nearly every disciple had abandoned Christ. She comforted our dying Savior with her humble presence, the presence of the only human being never to have offended Him and added to His burden with her sin. Finally, she lived out her days supporting and encouraging the disciples as they carried out her Son's divine commission.

I ask her to bless you in your daily vocation and bring you closer to the heart of her Son.

This image is the first of Mary that we have. It was drawn in the catacombs around 170AD. I saw her when I lived in Rome several years ago.

New Life

2010-05-03T19:54:00.000-04:00

My garden is growing, new seeds are sprouting, and my rose bush bloomed for the first time this year! I'm thrilled beyond words (well, almost beyond words . . . since I'm taking the time to type this so my husband doesn't have to put up with me dancing around the house chanting, "My rose has bloomed!" over and over like a 5 year old on her birthday).

There is something intoxicatingly wondrous about new life. We prepared the soil, planted little sprouts, seeds, and seedlings with careful hands, and breathlessly waited for a sign of green. This year, it's working. Some TLC mixed with sunshine and God's touch has brought dry little seeds to verdant life. In a funny way, I feel like a new mama again with all my little plant babies that need to be nourished and guided in their early weeks of life.

Last year, we began our garden too late, cut some corners, and probably didn't water enough. Our garden returned the favor by offering a measly few peas and beans, a handful of tomatoes, one cucumber, three heads of lettuce, and a couple peppers. Then, the deer decided to help themselves to about 1/3 of what did actually grow. Not to be deterred (especially after watching my in-laws' garden become the Jurassic Park of vegetable smorgasbords), we resolved to be diligent this year and try again.

Because I have a tendency to infuse every little thing in my life with meaning, my little sprouts remind me of my larger life efforts to do good in this world. My individual actions, like those seeds, seem too small and too weak to really have much of an effect on anything. What good will one more load of laundry do today when I know 3 more await me? What good is it to read one more book to my son instead of sticking him in "the farm" (his farm-themed excersaucer) while I try to return phone calls? My actions, like my seeds, have a greater potential within them than I see at first glace. My seeds are full of life and can produce fruits to bless my family. My actions, if I am open to God's work in my life, can be opportunities for grace. That laundry serves my husband's peace of mind because he doesn't have to search in the morning for a clean undershirt. That book helps to develop my son's mind and serves to strengthen that loving bond between us. Every good choice helps me to build good habits of virtue.

This analogy is not new; Christ used it multiple times. But, I need to remind myself often that the seeds of Faith that He speaks of are not placed in my life just once, but daily. My choice to be both the receptive soil and the careful gardener are also daily choices.

What are ways that you re-focus yourself on the importance of the little things in your daily life?

In the Spirit: The Feast of St. Joseph the Worker

2010-05-01T22:42:00.001-04:00

There's a Catholic joke that pities Joseph because every time something went wrong in his household he'd look around and say, "Well, my wife is perfect and my son is God. I guess it's my fault again."

While St. Joseph often gets recognition for his humility and for his loving service within the Holy Family, the Church takes an opportunity on May 1st to honor his patronage of all who labor. St. Joseph did not just sit around patting himself on the back for scoring the coolest family in human history; he worked and sweated to support them and make a simple but comfortable life for those he loved.

He also taught the Son of God to work alongside him. In doing so, Christ lifted daily human labor to be a part of our salvation (not just a necessary part of our survival). Each and every action can be done in perseverance, patience, excellence, and charity. When we imitate Christ and his earthly father in this way, we grow in virtue (good habits of right action) and we prove our love for Him--the ultimate source and end of all of our human acts.

We have a copy of this picture in our living room. It reminds me that no task that I perform for my family, as simple as it may be, is without meaning or value.

For further reflections on St. Joseph the Worker, including some great quotations from recent popes, check out this site.

St. Joseph the Worker, help us to do our daily work for others as "cheerful givers," and in doing so, to come closer to the heart of your foster Son, the One's Whose work resulted in the creation of our world and Who continues to care for each of us at every moment.

"In the Spirit" Saturdays

2010-05-01T18:46:00.001-04:00

A good friend, whom I had met doing mission work several years ago, visited me this week. Around the dinner table one night, she, my husband, and I discussed how sad it is that many people who call themselves Catholic don't even know why they are Catholic. In addition, many of those who do know at least the basics have never had the time to study the richness and depth of their Faith. Our conversation inspired me to focus on all of that a bit more myself AND to share it with you (since rumor has it that more people besides my mom read this blog--welcome, if that's you!).

The early apostles, filled with the Spirit, shared their Faith always and everywhere. They knew that there were very few people who really knew the Gospel of Christ (sound familiar?). Those apostles didn't worry about the vocal few who thought they were crazy drunk, threw them out of town, or (on the flip side) tried to worship them as gods. Rather, they lived their daily lives as authentic witnesses to the Truth of the Gospel, sharing the Good News with everyone. [Did you know the term "gospel" literally means "good news"?] As the Church approaches Ascension Thursday, I want to take Christ's commission in Matthew 28:20 to heart once again, even if I'm not a card-carrying missionary.

I'll try to post a brief blog each Saturday that reflects on a unique aspect of our Catholic Faith. Saturdays seem appropriate because they are a special day for Catholics; every Saturday is dedicated in honor of Our Lady (more on her later). I want to delve into topics beyond the fundamental beliefs that most Christians share.

If you have a particular Catholic thing you'd like to know more about/share about, comment on this post (or any of the others) and let me know! Meanwhile, check in on Saturdays and check out the "In the Spirit" label on my sidebar.

Image from here: http://blogs.lifeway.com/blog/edstetzer/saint-paul-preaching-in-athens-3511-mid.jpg

Am I a Bad Mom?

2010-04-23T17:47:00.001-04:00

Some days, I'm not sure if my parenting techniques are actually based on solid, logical/philosophical ground or if I'm just making up excuses for what's easier.

For instance, as I type (my way of defragging after a long day) my son is playing VERY happily with a clock with a cord that is much longer than the "maximum" 7 inches. He's not gnawing on it, he's not strangling himself, he's being watched, and he's gloriously happy and gurgling.

Other "expressly forbidden" activities he loves are nursing snacks at night, crawling in grass (and sometimes eating it), standing while holding my fingers, convincing his daddy to give him cardboard to chew on, avoiding sunscreen, and playing with lots of people who have not washed their hands yet.

"They" say these are horrible things.

I say he is building his immune system, exploring his world and learning, and loving the whole thing.

Sometimes I think all those baby advice columnists and authors are really helpful. For instance, I have really strong opinions about baby nutrition that I've researched obsessively. Parents who have been there and done ALL that are very helpful too.

But often, I feel like tossing the books out the door and doing what comes naturally. Sometimes, I think all the books in the world can't replace a mother's knowledge of her own child.

Excuse me, my son discovered a plastic shopping bag. I'm going to make sure he doesn't suffocate himself while he explores. :)

Happy Birthday Shakespeare!

2010-04-23T15:17:00.001-04:00

SONNET 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

I'll never tire of this sonnet. Beauty harvested by the Time's sickle, the confidence that doesn't tremble amidst the storms of life, and the image of soul-mates united on the brink of a cliff, steps away from the despair that destroys those who do not understand the power of love . . . these images inspire me and beautifully illustrate the truths I too have discovered in true friendship and love.

Sugar Rush

2010-04-21T13:31:00.001-04:00

Shocking: Sugar Content of Common Food Products

I'm not sure if I should be amused or dismayed by the sugar content of "healthy" processed foods, as detailed in the above link.

However, I do know for sure that this article did nothing to dampen my enthusiasm for homemade desserts. If a store-bought doughnut has so little sugar, surely a little pumpkin bread, apple pie, or chocolate cake made with good oils and ingredients can't do me too much harm!

My sweet tooth (and love of fragrant, hearty breads and pastas) will continue to be my health nemesis . . .

Image source
http://www.krispykreme.com/images/glazedtopper3.jpg

When I Grow Up . . .

2010-04-20T19:28:00.000-04:00

I never thought I would be a full-time working teacher and mom. As a very social child, it meant so much to me that my parents made the sacrifices necessary to let my mother stay at home with us for most of my growing-up years. Then, I was (nearly simultaneously) blessed with a husband and a tiny life inside me, and we had to figure out both how to pay bills and be good parents. My little boy now spends his days with Grandma and I teach during the day. He's happy with Grandma exploring his little world; I'm at peace (though I miss him) and loving this time of year when I see my students make a maturity leap to prepare for the next grade level; and we all look forward to a day when we won't be quite so spread around.

Why do I write all of this? Because if any of you are idealists, like me, I want to let you know that it's ok if your crystal dreams shatter. They were only fragile because they were your dreams. That is not to say that we should give up our ideals, just that we should give up our feeling of entitlement to some shimmery concept of an ideal life that doesn't contain tears or obstacles.

Today I discussed "priorities" with my students. We talked about what happens when we think something is a priority (something valuable to us and worth dedicating time and effort towards because it adds to the goodness/happiness/peace of our lives) and discover that we can't achieve that which we desire. I proposed that sometimes our goal is too narrow. My desire is to spend nearly all my time with my family, but my husband must work (I can't try and prevent that!), and currently, I too must spend a few hours a day away from home. My priority then must be to do what is best for my family and to invest deeply into those relationships in the time I have available to me. That goal (like nearly any goal worth living and fighting for) is not achieved apart from some sacrifice. Right now, that sacrifice is lending James to his loving Grandma to play with. Later, it will be something else. Like Matthew Kelly is fond of saying, one cannot say no to something that seems good without something deeper to say "yes" to. It is because of a deeper "yes" that I can amend my goals and dreams and fix my gaze on the daily task at hand.

Holiness is a very "gritty" thing. Living the authentically good life is not about merely thinking esoteric thoughts and writing down lofty goals. It's about making real life decisions, not always knowing what you're getting into. It's about blocking out the contentious voices of persuasion and discerning God's will in the gray areas. It's about taking responsibility for your actions and having the humility to see when you've been wrong and when you've been right. It's about realizing what's possible, and attempting what would be impossible but for the grace of God.

We come to a true crossroad in life only a few times, but we have many split paths to choose from. Like Frost's "road less traveled," those small decisions to can make "all the difference." I used to have this funny idea that I knew what my story would look like. I would say that I wanted adventure, but what I really wanted was security and ease, plus a few pre-approved, unusual escapades. However, God's map for my life has held more treasures in unexpected places than I ever would have found if I stuck to my rigid ideas of what I expected.

I have discovered that freedom is not living the way you want, after all; it is the ability to detach from falsity and chimeras and to cast yourself with enthusiasm and faith into the hands of your Creator and thrive peacefully wherever He sees fit place you.

May you and I live in the present moment "gracefully," at peace in God's will.

Music: At the End of a Long Day

2010-04-20T14:01:00.000-04:00

Chris Thile (from Nickle Creek)
"Raining at Sunset"

Best end of a long day song . . . ever . . . period, the end.

Music: Wailin Jennys

2010-04-17T07:13:00.001-04:00

I have very few bands for which I will buy all their CDs and never tire of their music. Thanks to Cynthia once upon a time in FL, I was introduced to the Jenneys.

The Wailin Jenneys are a 3 woman trio with admirable vocal quality, poetic lyrics, impressive instrumental skills (each plays several instruments), and riveting harmonies. This Canadian group sings soulful, folk-inspired music with a dash of gospel, jazz, and English/Irish/Welsh ballads.

My husband and I were absolutely mesmerized at their concert this week. Live YouTube vids. do nothing to show the haunting beauty of their perfect harmonization and the gracefulness and passion with which they play their instruments.

That being said, here are some clips to check out:

To get a sense of their harmony and chill style:

Beautiful Dawn--Great Lyrics!:
[Old vid.--girl with the red hair has been replaced by Heather--AWESOME jazz singer]

One of my new favorite songs:

Just something beautiful:

Enjoy!!!

Sweet Dinner Rolls

2010-04-05T17:29:00.000-04:00

So, I finally did it. I ventured into the world of yeast breads. My cooking-from-scratch go-to friend, Beth, was right--yeast bread is not the most difficult thing in the world.

I adapted this recipe for my own needs (plus I don't have a bread machine):

Ingredients:

1/2 cup warm water (110 degrees F/45 degrees C)
1/2 cup warm milk
1 egg
1/3 cup butter, softened
1/3 cup white sugar
1 teaspoon salt
3 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 (.25 ounce) package active dry yeast
1/4 cup butter, softened

What to do:

Place water, milk, a bit of the sugar and yeast togther and let foam (10 min.-ish)
Mix: egg, 1/3 cup butter, rest of sugar, & salt in your mixer bowl
Add 1 cup of the flour slowly, cutting butter into the mixture
Dump in the yeast
Put mixer with the dough hook on low and slowly add the rest of the flour until the dough looks stretchy and well-mixed
Put in a greased bowl (use melted butter or coconut oil), turn, cover with a cotton cloth, and let rise for an hour
Turn dough out onto a lightly floured surface. Divide dough in half. Roll each half into a 12 inch circle, spread 1/4 cup softened butter over entire round. Cut each circle into 8 wedges. Roll wedges starting at wide end; roll gently but tightly. Place point side down on ungreased cookie sheet. Cover with clean kitchen towel and put in a warm place, let rise 1 hour. [Or instead of crescents just make 16 balls like I did--EASY! Bad things happen when I use rollers, so I avoid them when possible. I just melted the butter and rolled the balls in it quickly so each was evenly coated. My hands were a mess; the rolls were scrumptious.]
Meanwhile, preheat oven to 400 degrees F. [I did mine at 375]
Bake in preheated oven for 10 to 15 minutes, until golden.

These are delicious with butter for dinner or with butter and honey or preserves for breakfast. The extras kept well for the next morning. According to one person online, they also freeze well. Enjoy!

HPK #3: What I Think About You . . .

2010-04-05T10:40:00.000-04:00

More "zingers" from Hidden Power of Kindness:

"Natural proneness to judge others by ourselves is a weakness of our fallen nature. You decide that a certain person is impolite, another is self-centered, selfish, and unsympathetic, and another is arrogant, unfair, untrustworthy, and pleasure-loving. You arrive at such conclusions by reflex judgment. You know situations so well from personal experience that you conclude immediately that others have acted as you have done. At once you brand others with unworthy motives and sinful deeds.
Everyone who comes within the reach of your knowledge is, as it were, on trial in your mind."

"You cannot judge a man by his fialures; you must judge him by what he makes of them. A man's inner greatness is often tested not by what he does when the public gaze is fixed upon him, but by what he does quietly and steadily."

"It would be unreal to grow blind to evil, but you must grow to something higher and truer than just a quickness in detecting evil."

--------------------------------------------

Fr. Tighe gave a great sermon about judging others on Good Friday. He mentioned that we often get discouraged and distracted when we see people coming in droves for Easter and/or Christmas who never come to Mass the rest of the year. However, he turned the focus back on the faithful church-goers. He chided that if our love of Christ, our devotion, and our spirit of hospitality and charity is not sincere and contagious enough to inspire the "Chr-easters" to return every Sunday, than we are the ones who should be ashamed.

I think the same switch could be made whenever I look at others with a less-than-charitable eye. Perhaps they would not act that way if I had set a better example or shown more attention or care when needed. Most of the unpleasantness in undesirable social situations is the result of my own thoughts. If I was to kindly overlook small faults, verbal missteps, contrary habits or opinions, and unconventional behaviors and focus instead on the person's many positive attributes, how much less onerous would those interactions be!

Crocodile Wrestling & Conscience Righting

2010-04-04T11:20:00.000-04:00

I was "that mom" this week at our Good Friday Communion Service--you know, the lady who looks like Steve Irwin wresting a crocodile as her child tries to be anywhere but still in her arms. After Communion, I found myself praying that God would help my son to grow to be as active in His service as he was active during this service.

I don't know why my son wouldn't take a normal nap on Friday or why he decided my face would be a better teething toy than the arsenal of chewy-toys I had prepared for him to gum. What I do know is that I was supposed to be at that service, no matter what the cost.

The other day, I was home alone with my 6 month action hero and was craving some adult conversation and company as we prepared to go to the park for a walk. I called three different people to see if I could find some companions for our excursion, but everyone was unable to join us. Some reasons were better than others, but I was still disappointed.

A day later, I was very tempted to skip attending church for Good Friday. I reasoned that my son would need a good nap at that hour, I could have my own quiet prayer time at home, and I didn't need to impress anyone with my heroics. My thoughts turned toward my experience earlier this week. I had been mildly upset because I couldn't find a friend to walk with; how much more must Christ suffer when I refuse to walk with Him on the most excruciatingly painful walk of suffering in human history? My excuses withered under the imploring glance of my greatest Friend and Lord.

James was a mess for all two hours of that service. We spent over half of that time in the back hallway watching children squirm all over the floor like worms after a thunderstorm--hardly inspiring. But that brief span of time pierced my heart with a deeper commitment to love my Savior. Like His Mother, I want to be present to Him, even when it is uncomfortable, difficult, and distracting. Mary didn't get upset at the soldiers betting over Christ's clothes and the unrepentant criminal's curses. She stood at the cross, silent and faithful. Her presence and love was her service to Christ in His final moments on earth.

As long as I have children, I will always have "good reasons" for not going to Mass or attending the sacraments as often as I could. And I certainly don't attempt to judge those who determined it necessary to stay home that day. But, I know my habit of letting excuses pile up and snowball. I know that for the good of myself, my family, and my relationship with my Lord, I need to stop allowing a little victimized, whining voice in my head convince me to neglect a true ordering of my priorities. This week was one step.
Lord give me the strength to take the next step too!

John Donne: Good Friday

2010-04-02T10:59:00.000-04:00

GOOD-FRIDAY, 1613, RIDING WESTWARD
by John Donne

LET man's soul be a sphere, and then, in this,
Th' intelligence that moves, devotion is ;
And as the other spheres, by being grown
Subject to foreign motion, lose their own,
And being by others hurried every day,
Scarce in a year their natural form obey ;
Pleasure or business, so, our souls admit
For their first mover, and are whirl'd by it.
Hence is't, that I am carried towards the west,
This day, when my soul's form bends to the East.
There I should see a Sun by rising set,
And by that setting endless day beget.
But that Christ on His cross did rise and fall,
Sin had eternally benighted all.
Yet dare I almost be glad, I do not see
That spectacle of too much weight for me.
Who sees Gods face, that is self-life, must die ;
What a death were it then to see God die ?
It made His own lieutenant, Nature, shrink,
It made His footstool crack, and the sun wink.
Could I behold those hands, which span the poles
And tune all spheres at once, pierced with those holes ?
Could I behold that endless height, which is
Zenith to us and our antipodes,
Humbled below us ? or that blood, which is
The seat of all our soul's, if not of His,
Made dirt of dust, or that flesh which was worn
By God for His apparel, ragg'd and torn ?
If on these things I durst not look, durst I
On His distressed Mother cast mine eye,
Who was God's partner here, and furnish'd thus
Half of that sacrifice which ransom'd us ?
Though these things as I ride be from mine eye,
They're present yet unto my memory,
For that looks towards them ; and Thou look'st towards me,
O Saviour, as Thou hang'st upon the tree.
I turn my back to thee but to receive
Corrections till Thy mercies bid Thee leave.
O think me worth Thine anger, punish me,
Burn off my rust, and my deformity ;
Restore Thine image, so much, by Thy grace,
That Thou mayst know me, and I'll turn my face.

I used to swear that I would never enjoy the "intellectually and spiritually arrogant" Metaphysical Poets. Thanks to a class with Dr. Rice, I learned to see the beauty of metaphorical language and metaphysical conceits woven into each of these poems.

Each poem, like the one above, uses the complex imagery to draw the reader deeper into meditation. One cannot skim read a metaphysical poem and understand it well. For someone as easily distracted in prayer as I am, this form of verse helps me to apply my intellect and imagination to my reflection.

One of my favorite parts:
"Or that blood, which is / The seat of all our soul's, if not of His,/ Made dirt of dust" . . . what poignant imagery! Donne links the metaphysical reality of Christ's blood which is life-giving to us with the literal action of those precious drops falling and mixing with the dirt below to create mud. The image also reminds me of Christ's profound humility in stooping from His heavenly throne to mingle divinity with human nature (which is "dust").

May you have a holy and fruitful Triduum!

George Herbert & the Felix Culpa

2010-04-01T13:59:00.000-04:00

Easter Wings

Lord, Who createdst man in wealth and store,

Though foolishly he lost the same,

Decaying more and more,

Till he became

Most poore:

With Thee

O let me rise,

As larks, harmoniously,

And sing this day Thy victories:

Then shall the fall further the flight in me.

My tender age in sorrow did beginne;

And still with sicknesses and shame

Thou didst so punish sinne,

That I became

Most thinne.

With Thee

Let me combine,

And feel this day Thy victorie;

For, if I imp my wing on Thine,

Affliction shall advance the flight in me.

I love this poem by Herbert. He reflects on the original sin that caused us to be separated from the life that God intended man to have in the Garden of Eden. However, he, like St. Augustine, views this as a "felix culpa," a fortunate fall. Because of man's fall from grace, Christ came to earth to redeem us. It is in His Resurrection that we are offered eternal life with the Father. Herbert sees us as being bolstered in our flight to heaven by Christ and the grace He has won for us, His creation.

Laughing at Myself

2010-03-23T14:40:00.000-04:00

I've heard that the secret to improv comedy is to agree to things that normally one would not agree to.
Hey, Mark! Let's go stand in the longest line at the grocery store with just one item. Great idea, Joe!
As they go bouncing off to do the absurd, we either laugh or wonder if they've been reading too much Sartre.

I have a funny relationship with Predictability. Usually, we get along just fine. I like when I can predict that gravity will work again today and that the weatherman may be correct about the threat of a storm.

However, sometimes I rebel against predictability. On those days, I decide to drive the winding, unoccupied back roads, make a new recipe, and let my son chew happily on the cardboard box he discovered.

Then, just as I am reveling in doing totally unconventional things, God chooses to surprise me in His own way. His surprises are usually a rather one-sided joke, and I'm not the one laughing. I'm the one struggling to understand how my life got flipped upside-down and how my plans were put through the eternal shredding machine. I temporarily protest, "I like unpredictability on my time in my own way, God. Your surprises are stressful." And He smiles knowingly, like a father who won't yet reveal the end of the bedtime story despite his daughter's pleading.

Sooner or later, (usually later, with my Bible on my lap) I remember that I have a Father who loves me infinitely, and that, after all, I certainly don't want to have a boring life. I want my life to be an adventure, full of unexpected twists and turns. The one who never dares anything, gains nothing.

In the front of my Bible, I have scribbled:
Seek to see the extraordinary in the ordinary
and the supernatural in the natural.
And once I adjust my focus to see beyond the hazy present, I can laugh.

I laugh at myself for failing to trust my Omnipotent Lover.
I laugh at the world that tells me what is "expected" and "normal".
And I laugh with the new-found joy in the divine comedy in which I, like an improv actor, must agree to the absurd and, in doing so, find my true calling and journey to heaven.

Divine Providence

2010-03-22T19:31:00.003-04:00

Have you ever felt like sometimes it's almost better to have only one option rather than having to discern God's will amidst multiple options? As we try to discern job decisions and financial options year to year, I often feel that way.

There's a joke about a guy who drowned sitting on the roof of his house in a flood. He had refused a rescue boat and plane (and something else), saying that he was trusting God to rescue him. When he died and went to heaven, he asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God replied that he had sent a boat and a plane, but the guy had ignored them.

Sometimes I wonder if God is asking that I blindly trust Him and forge ahead, or if He is offering me the boat and plane, and I'm just over-complicating things.

I always tell my students, "If you are honestly trying to discern God's will for you, I don't think He'll let you royally mess up. He'll do something if you chose the wrong path to warn you or redirect you to the right path, as long as you continue to be open to His will."

Easy to say; easy to believe on a theoretical level; hard to live when it comes right down to it.

Jesus, I trust in You.
[Now, please send me a postcard.]

Domestic Goodness

2010-03-19T21:46:00.004-04:00

My mom raised me to see food as an important gift of a woman for her family. Providing nourishing, prepared meals every night (other than "cornucopia night", aka leftovers) for family dinners was a priority for her. As I've learned more about the profound cultural connections between sharing meals and authentic relationships, her traditions have become important to me, as well.
I also like to challenge myself to make health food taste delicious. I have strong objections against the consumption of anything that tastes like cardboard.
Some of my recent ventures into personally-uncharted, culinary territory include the following:

Cinnamon raisin nutty granola
3 cups thick cut oats; a cup or so each of raisins, sunflower seeds, & coconut flakes; cinnamon; vanilla; and all tossed with melted coconut oil/butter and baked in a low oven (stir here and there) for an hour-ish until dry
[next batch will be orange-cranberry pecan!]

Homemade chicken stock
I combined several recipes for this but mostly used the one from Nourishing Traditions cookbook with some alterations as suggested by Maureen--thanks!
[the foam was all skimmed, but I left a little of the fat on top--it helps make sauces and can be skimmed off once chilled for soups]

Chicken pot pie [for St. Patrick's]
This recipe plus thyme and potatoes, minus celery seed (I was out)

So, blogger won't rotate my picture as it should . . . and the pie only exploded for the first piece because I skipped the "wait to let it set" part of the directions. Naturally, the pieces I didn't have the camera out for were perfect.

[Thanks, Joanne, for the delicious soda bread!!!]

HPK #2

2010-03-19T21:41:00.000-04:00

Do all the good to others that circumstances allow. If you concentrate on yourself too often, your life will be flat and empty. Lively interest in others makes you rise above the pettiness of self-love. Self-love is to be dissolved in the crucible of a common interest in people. Self-effacement in order that others may be made happy is a lifework that will be most richly rewarded by God. It is Christlike to give generously of your kind thoughts, your heartening words, and your kind deeds.

This quotation beautifully reveals that "all the good" we should do encompasses more than just actions. I often am tempted to think that I don't have TIME to be as kind as I would like. However, as mentioned above, kind thoughts and encouragement do not take any extra time. Rather than adding kindness into my life like an item on a "spiritual to-do list", I must allow Christ to convert my current thoughts and words to ones that imitate His. My heart must be pure, gentle, and receptive so that my judgments are charitable and forgiving and my words are sensitive and uplifting. The reward is a more fulfilling life, made rich by the authentic relationships that you have cultivated and tended with love.

"Jesus, meek and humble of heart, make my heart like unto Thine."

The Hidden Power of Kindness #1

2010-03-19T21:10:00.003-04:00

So . . . There's a wonderful book by Lawrence G. Lovasik called The Hidden Power of Kindness. It falls under the "don't judge a book by its cover" category because the cover pictures offend any person with aesthetical sensibilities [sorry Sophia Press, but it's true]. However, the pages within contain some of the best simple and practical guidelines towards living out the virtue of charity that I have ever read. I began re-reading it for Lent, and despite my best efforts, I'm barely done with chapter two. Each paragraph causes me to stop and reflect (and repent for my failings), and I think more of the book is underlined than not.

That being said, I wanted to begin an online conversation with any of you who have read/are reading it. AND if you just want to jump in and comment on our comments, I'd love to hear from you as well. My goal is to post some quotations that struck me particularly and to offer some brief thoughts. God willing, something posted will be what you needed to hear too, or else I'll just profit from the organization of and commitment to my own thoughts on the matter.

Basta.

Keepin' It All Together

2010-03-13T11:18:00.000-05:00

You know how they say certain things in our lives just "fall through the cracks"? I think I have some big cracks in my sidewalk of life.

I'm becoming the queen of half-done housework, grading, dinners (the rice will be done in a few minutes!), and prayers. Somewhere, somehow, the clean laundry doesn't make it back in the wardrobe, the thank you letter doesn't find itself promptly stamped and in the mailbox, and only half the dishes get shiny and clean after a given meal. THEN, I get 1 1/2 hours during one of James' naps (of which I am increasingly jealous) to make the world an ordered and livable place again.

I vacillate between guilt for the undone chores and survival-driven carelessness. In prayer, I try to get a sense of that "narrow path" of virtue that I am called to tread upon.

An industrious and successful entrepreneur I had the pleasure of dining with the other day told me that difficulty increases your capacity for increased difficulties. It is by bravely grappling with the unforeseen challenges in life that we gain the skills and emotional ability to handle the next obstacle with courage, if not with grace.

But, I often think there is a such thing as "too much." I also think there is a time when that "too much" is also important, urgent, and unavoidable. So, I can only buckle down, ask for divine and human help when necessary, accept my limitations, and keep trying.

I suppose one does not "master" being a wife and mother in one year's time. All truly beautiful things take time, and a Proverbs 31 woman, a woman modeled after Our Lady, a woman who is comfortable being Martha when needed and Mary the rest of the time . . . she is, indeed, a beautiful gem of creation.

[I had written the above a week or so ago, and then . . . ]
I recently found a holy card tucked away in my Bible. It used to be my marker when I decided I was going to read the whole book cover to cover (it took me 6 years, but it was worth it!), so I saw it often. However, it had been fogotten for just long enough to resonate on a much deeper level this time. It simply says:

In humility is found perfect freedom.

That's it. That's my answer. And now I will go get my (mid-day) shower and tackle a mountain, not expecting perfection of myself, just trying to be faithful to Him.

I Believe in Miracles

2010-03-10T16:35:00.001-05:00

A little girl went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet.
She poured the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. Three times, even. The total had to be exactly perfect. No chance here for mistakes.

Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap, she slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to Rexall's Drug Store with the big red Indian Chief sign above the door.

She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention, but he was too busy at this moment. Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise. Nothing. She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound she could muster. No good Finally she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter. That did it!

'And what do you want?' the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of voice. I'm talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven't seen in ages,' he said without waiting for a reply to his question.

'Well, I want to talk to you about my brother,' Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone. 'He's
really, really sick...and I want to buy a miracle.'

'I beg your pardon?' said the pharmacist.

'His name is Andrew and he has something bad growing inside his head and my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now So how much does a miracle cost?'

'We don't sell miracles here, little girl. I'm sorry but I can't help you,' the pharmacist said, softening a little.

'Listen, I have the money to pay for it. If it isn't enough, I will get the rest. Just tell me ho w much it costs.'

The pharmacist's brother was a well dressed man He stooped down and asked the little girl, 'What kind of a miracle does your brother need?'

' I don't know,' Tess replied with her eyes welling up. I just know he's really sick and Mommy says he needs an operation. But my Daddy can't pay for it, so I want to use my money.'

'How much do you have?' asked the man from Chicago

'One dollar and eleven cents,' Tess answered barely audibly. 'And it's all the money I have, but I can get some more if I need to.'

'Well, what a coincidence,' smiled the man. 'A dollar and eleven cents---the exact price of a miracle for little brothers. '

He took her money in one hand and with the other hand he grasped her mitten and said 'Take me to where you live. I want to see your brother and meet your parents. Let's see if I have the miracle you
need.'

That well dressed man was Dr. Carlton Armstrong, a surgeon, specializing in neuro-surgery. The operation was completed free of charge and it wasn't long until Andrew was home again and doing well.

Mom and Dad were happily talking about the chain of events that had led them to this place.
'That surgery,' her Mom whispered. 'was a real miracle. I wonder how much it would have cost?'

Tess smiled. She knew exactly how much a miracle cost..one dollar and eleven cents....plus the faith of a little child.

---------------------------------------------------------

I received this story recently from a friend. [I just copy and pasted it; thus, please excuse the horrible punctuation, etc.]

It isa perfect reminder for me that we need to trust God with our finances and that we need to have the humility to reveal our struggles to others. With trust and humility, God can work miracles in our lives.

A Timely Resolution [HPK #1.5]

2010-02-26T14:05:00.002-05:00

I gave up being late for Lent. Once upon a Wednesday, I was going to give up other things . . . easier things, and then God told me I was a coward.

I was re-reading The Hidden Power of Kindness, that lovely 200 page examination of conscience, and was struck (hard) by a statement that not having the charity towards others ALWAYS to be dependable and punctual was a sign of weakness of character. Gosh, did I ever bristle! The little, whimpering voices in my head said, "But that's not talking about me! I'm on time more often than I'm late (51% counts as more often). I want to be on time. I have a 4 1/2 month old baby--God only knows (seriously) what could happen in the two minutes before we head out the door . . . "

And then I remembered another Lent, several years ago. I had asked my roommate for a Lenten sacrifice suggestion. She mentioned an idea and I instantly had a host of reasons why that was a bad idea. She looked at me and said. Listen to how much you are trying to find excuses not to do that. Point taken. I adopted her idea for that Lent.

Here I was, objecting again to something that I was "not guilty" of in the realm of imperfection. I tried to picture myself adjusting everything in my pace of life so that I had plenty of room for the unexpected to happen. I needed to create the space in my life to be on time.

And thus, my Lenten journey began. I have only been late once (by two minutes), and I have experienced more peace in my relationships and commute. Most importantly, this discipline makes me prioritize my activities. Do I really need to check my e-mail right now? Do I really need to spend this much time on my make-up? Do I really need to prolong this shower? Do I really need to brew coffee to go with breakfast today?

Matthew Kelly is fond of saying that in order to say "no" to anything appealing, we must have a deeper thing to which we say "yes." My "yes!" this Lent is to peace, charity, and the important people in my life. With that on the table, it makes my trivial amusements and delays and laziness seem like a very little thing to say "no" to.

One of Those Days

2010-02-24T16:23:00.001-05:00

Snagged this pic from BabyCenter.com

It's been one of those days when God gives me lots of "opportunities for virtue" and it's up to me to accept them with grace.

When I think of Mary, I think of her as a woman "full of grace" not only in the sense that she was filled with the blessings and strength of God, but also in the sense that she dealt with each situation that came her way with a patient and loving attitude. She was the most "graceful" of all women under pressure. I'd like to be like that.

Meanwhile, I think I'll sip tea and see if I can half-nap on a pillow on the floor next to my busy son who is experimenting with his new-found rolling skills.

Dear Ladies . . .

2010-02-18T09:15:00.000-05:00

Dear Ladies,

As Valentine's Day ends and Lent begins, my soul turns inward to see how I may be a better wife to my amazing husband. These reflections, prompted by some books my godmother gave me when I was preparing for marriage, came to mind.

I think we women need a reminder to give the men in our lives respect and honor when they stand against the tide of the world in their own way. Guys may not get hints, but they sure do understand big appreciative smiles and words of thanks when they do things well. Often, we focus on the ways women are told how to look and act according to "the world" and how that affects us negatively. We need to be aware of our brothers in Christ, too. SO many men get pressured into trying to achieve a certain "image"--that of the successful, popular, totally in-control, strong, unaffected "man." A perceived failure to live up to that image given them by society causes many to turn to twisted sexual outlets, substance abuse, and/or despair. We wonder why men are not the Prince Charmings we dreamed of coming to affirm us and fight for us? Probably because they don't understand that merely being themselves (and being a servant leader in their relationships with women) is enough to win our hearts.

Men and women were meant to complete each other, in marriage and on a less intimate level in friendship. Let's not forget our profound responsibility to help them be the true men they are by loving them and receiving their acts of kindness and service and vulnerability with gentleness and gratitude.

And to my husband: I love and respect you more than you can imagine. You're my daily hero, and you still sweep me off my feet. I love you now and always.

Love, Kel

SO Much Lovin'

2010-02-15T14:54:00.001-05:00

Despite the sad, twisted versions of "V-Day" that our world has invented and despite the neglect of St. Valentine [AND the feast day of Sts. Cyril & Methodius] . . . I really appreciate a day set-aside to focus on the important relationships in your life. In a world so disillusioned by failed attempts at a sterile, hedonistic way of loving others, true love (between friends, lovers, and family members) stands out as an enviable beacon of hope. Remember, "they will know we are Christians by our love!"

Our Valentine's Day . . .
6:00 Wakin' up before the sun to get ready for Mass
7:30 Mass & we got to take up the offertory and take home the vocations chalice (to pray for vocations & our seminarians) this week!
9:30 Received lovely presents from my hubby (a book and chocolates!)
BIG brunch with fruit salad, homemade blueberry muffins, coffee, and "pig in a blanket" omelets (browned onions, top-quality smoked bacon, fresh-made country sausage, and aged cheddar)
10:30 . . . Played with James and hung out reading and getting things done around the house together
3:00ish Took a 2.5 mile walk with Jamesers
4:30 Larry was my sous chef while we made an amazing 3 course Valentine's Day dinner
5:30 Dinner time--Theme: A nutty pair of lovers
* Bread & herbed oil
* Salad: Baby lettuces with red pear, toasted almonds, grapes, pomegranate seeds, Gouda cheese, & raspberry vinnagrette
* Main course: Bacon wrapped scallops seared in a white-wine reduction with a citrus glaze; lightly steamed asparagus; fresh Carolina shrimp hearts over a citrus, almond, wild-rice pilaf; and a glass of Chardonnay
* Dessert: Baked cinnamon Bosc pears stuffed with dried cranberries, raisins, apricot, and toasted almonds, served with almond gelato and a small glass of Fra Angelico
7:30 Bed time for Baby James
8:30 Dessert & snuggle time by the fire

A PERFECT day with my boys!

Cultural Addiction

2010-02-13T09:26:00.000-05:00

Sad . . . very, very sad! How can people not realize that they are missing out on REAL life by keeping up an overly active "virtual" or "cyber" life on Facebook, Twitter, Blogs, etc.??? I know I'll fall into that trap too; thus, one of my Lenten resolutions is to cut back recreational internet time to max 30 min. per day (counting during James' nap time when I just want to zone out for a while!)

The Value of Anticipation

2010-02-11T15:25:00.000-05:00

Last week two very different holidays were being celebrated simultaneously: Groundhog Day & the Feast of the Presentation of Christ. They both prompt me to reflect on the value of anticipation--yet another beautiful thing we too often forget to view as a blessing in our lives.

Groundhog Day, like New Year's ball drops, accurately represents our truncated concept of anticipation. Our hedonistic, impatient culture thinks that a wait of mere hours or seconds is exciting. Any wait much longer than a few minutes, be it a traffic jam or a longer than usual grocery store line, is viewed as a vast injustice in the universe. Somehow, Americans have turned efficiency into a greater virtue than charity. The Italian transportation system went a long way towards teaching me patience, but too often, slow left-lane drivers still manage to rouse a complaint from me. Anticipation, in our cultural milieu is seen as a bore and a nuisance, not as a blessing.

Now, let's shift our gaze to the Presentation. Simeon had waited for many years for the Savior, whom he was promised to meet. The Jewish people had waited since the Fall of Adam & Eve and the covenant with Abraham to be freed from the curse of their forefathers and to be fully reunited in their relationship with God. 40 days after the Incarnate God was born in a humble stable, He enters His Father's House in Jerusalem for the first time. So much anticipation! So much joy in the aging eyes of Simeon, who recognized His Lord with the eyes of Faith! So much gladness filling and overflowing the heart of Anna, who spent her days in fasting and prayer!

Anticipation, for those who understood, was not a time of idle waiting; it was a season of preparation. How unworthy would one feel to meet the Lord with a heart that was soiled and proud? Anticipation and the long hours that accompany that yearning are blessed times to ready our hearts and minds to be filled by the sublime. Our capacity for wonder and joy and awe is increased with waiting and preparation, as our appetite for consuming worldly banquets is heightened by fasting and the hinting scents of the dinner being readied.

Next week, we approach another blessed time of anticipation in the Season of Lent. We are given an opportunity to be receptive to abundant graces as we fast, sacrifice, and pray. Allow yourself to become excited about this time to whip your passions back into line and to dedicate your heart more completely to the One whose Heart was pierced for you. Do not be another sour-faced fish-eater. Be a joy-filled saint on the road to the Resurrection, and purge your soul with fortitude and peace. That being said, I'll strive for the same myself (and enjoy a last few chocolate cookies while I can!)

Don't treat Easter like a secular holiday with mere moments of anticipation during the Triduum. Embrace the gift that has been given you and anticipate the saving Sacrifice & hope-filled Resurrection with every fiber of your being.

What Makes Today Special?

2010-02-10T18:51:00.001-05:00

Part of what reveals and forms a culture is the holidays that are celebrated. If we are truly striving to create a Catholic culture in our families and society, we should endeavor to make the feast days of the church "special" days in our homes.

A family friend inspired me to reflect the celebrations of the Church through meals on feast days and solemnities. She often will make a meal that is traditionally tied to a particular saint (like bread on the Solemnity of St. Joseph) or that saint's country (like Irish food on St. Patrick's Day). I decided to start this year on the Feast of the Presentation with at least putting a little more effort (though no symbolism) into dinner to celebrate! [see pic :) ]

Thanking God for the Bumps in the Road

2010-02-04T16:25:00.001-05:00

There are a plethora of things about raising my little boy that don't make sense at all.
It doesn't make sense that . . .
* he would prefer if we removed the shocks from our car so he could feel every bump.
* he will be perfectly happy and then spit up all over the place as if he were not feeling well at all.
* he will nurse quietly every time except before he goes down to bed at night, at which point I feel like an alligator wrestler.
* he wants to suck his left hand but sleep with his head to the right AND be on his tummy.
* he will almost always become happy just by going outside (but it's FREEZING out there).
* he was waking up only once a night for two weeks and then went back to twice and now to three times.

But, despite all of these little frustrations, I have even more blessings. I have spoken with moms in the last week or two who have children with learning disabilities, sleeping disorders, intense moral struggles, etc. What inspiring women these mothers are to me!

They have learned that, (as a good friend once told me) we are asked to have faith, hope, and love--not knowledge--as we approach each new challenge in life. I will never be able to perfectly plan and proceed with absolute confidence year to year (or hour to hour!), but that does not make me a failure as a mother.

When I feel frustrated, overwhelmed, ignorant, helpless, and tired, I try to fight back tears and remember the Mother who had the greatest Life entrusted to her as she was thrown into one new environment after another, homeless and poor. She didn't always know or understand. She did not get a divine manual for raising the Son of God. She too had to just trust, hope, and love as best as she could.

So, that is my resolution too: Stop, drink some tea, snuggle with my congested little boy, take a deep breath, and take one more step forward. I need to remember to thank God for the bumps in the road (every pothole that makes James smile)--those moments (good or bad) that don't make sense but are part of my daily life and need to be taken in stride with a smile and a prayer.

Fresh While Freezing

2010-01-30T14:05:00.001-05:00

One of the very few downsides of winter, comfort-food cuisine is that I start to miss that "fresh" taste of light summer dishes. Amidst all the baking and heavy carbs and meats, I decided to invent something fresh from ingredients I already had around that still paired with all the delicious winter flavors. Tada! My "Poppy Cran-Man Salad" or whatever you want to call it:

Romaine lettuce
Fresh, peeled mandarin oranges
Dried cranberries
Slightly chopped pecans
Sweet poppy seed dressing (from Trader Joe's)

Delicious!

Favorite Mommy/Baby Items

2010-01-24T19:30:00.002-05:00

Like any new mom, I asked for and received LOTS of advice in those first few months. After extensively researching and then trying several different products, here are some of my favorites:

NursEase Nursing Shawl
[I found mine through Walmart.com]
* It has elastic and is a complete circle so you never feel like it can slip (or be pulled!) off of you.
*It's large enough (I got a medium) to cover a kicking active little person and it is very discrete in public since the organic paisley print at first glance just looks like a shawl.
* The material is soft and washes beautifully in the washing machine. It also has a pocket for your nursing pads, and it bundles up really small & wrinkle-free for diaper bag storage.

Re-usable nursing pads by Milk Diapers

* These pads are less bulky, softer, and more washable than any others I've tried. They are also fairly inexpensive compared to disposables and much much more comfortable.
* I've rarely had problems with leakage (and I didn't get the ones with the leak guard layer).

Karma Sling
* These are bought to fit (I have a size small from Target.com), so there is no ring that slides or digs into you.
* You can use it with their feet inside and bunched up when they are little or straddling you when they are older. It works with the baby facing inwards or outwards too. I used this constantly (several hours a day) until James reached 15 lbs. He still fits in it fine, but it's heavy on my one shoulder to carry him for too too long. However, I keep it in the car for quick, (mostly) hands-free trips to the store, etc. He'll sleep in it too.
* It's easily washable.
* This carrier also can be used (see pic) to help stabilize older toddlers as well (most slings cannot).

Ergo Carrier
* These are expensive, but well worth every penny. I have James (almost 20 lbs.) in it for around 4 hours every day. He naps in it, chews on the soft sides, and quiets down in it when almost nothing else works.
* This carrier may be used front, back, or side with the child facing your body, and even larger children (small toddlers) can be in it.
* The sport carrier (the one we have) adjusts big enough for my 6'3" husband and small enough for his 5'5" size 2 wife.
* It puts most of the weight on your hips and distributes it on your shoulders. Carrying James was giving me a lot of back problems until I started using this.
* It also supports more of his legs and backside than many carriers do (better for his development). They also have infant inserts for newborns so you really can use this for about 2 years for each kid.

Circo Onesies

* This brand seems to have more stretch in it than many others (so they're easier to pull over wriggling limbs!)
* So far they've held up great in the wash too and are soft and comfortable. They also have lots of cute patterns.
* I've gotten these at Target.

Boppy Pillow
For some reason, when everyone else says something is great, I immediately become skeptical until I've tried it for myself. The Boppy craze was definitely one of those instances. $30 for a pillow?! However, I'm a convert.
* I've always loved using this for nursing. It gives James and I both more stability, and I don't stress my neck, upper back, and arms as much trying to hold him in the correct position.
* It also made a comfortable postpartum seat cushion for me.
* James went through a time period when he would only nap in my arms or in the Boppy (supervised of course).
* Also, I got one of the "posh" ones (teddy bears) and it has washed beautifully despite being fuzzy and white. Yay!

Pre & post natal vitamins: Super Nutrition Prenatal Blend
* Easy on the stomach and has much higher amounts of vitamins than most other brands
* Also has herbs that are good for labor and lactation
* All the ingredients are naturally derived (not synthetic) and are therefore more easily absorbed by the body
* Can be found at Whole Foods

Others:
* Kirkland diapers (at Cosco) are great for the price (super cheap!); Huggies all natural are softest
* Huggies wipes stay wet and are nice and thick (probably not great on the all natural front though)
* Burt's Bees Shampoo & Wash (& lotion) [Smells good and is all natural--a baby's skin is very absorbent, especially at bath time; I wouldn't want any toxins to be sucked in when he's getting cleaned]
* Blankets: this and this are my two favs.; both look like new despite daily use and they're so soft!
* Nursing pump: Medela Swing (though you'd want a double pump if you have to pump for everything; I only pump about a bottle a day for work)
* Bras: day & night
* Swing (goes both directions, batteries are lasting fine, great mobile, hold a heavier infant)
* Stroller (perfect in every way IF you have a big trunk like I do)
* Graco Pack & Play--his little happy place at school
* Diaper bag--hands free!

What are your favorites?!?

[In the interest of full disclosure: I have not recevied any discounts or free items from any of these retailers. However, I wouldn't object if they wanted to give me something. :) ]

Tea and Time

2010-01-20T18:33:00.001-05:00

I stink at living in time. I despise schedules and routines. I love phrases like: We were made for eternity and that's why we struggle so much to live in the present moment. Ahh, yes, the present moment . . . complete with all the little disasters that can occur in a moment with a little boy who loves you and depends on your for just about everything. And so I like to escape. Sometimes my escape is mental wandering as a try to "hurry to sleep" before another midnight nursing. Sometimes my escape is extra chocolate or wine or whatever other sweet or salty carb is within reach. Sometimes my escape is doing useless things online in that wonderful web of something-outside-the-house that can seem so appealing. And sometimes I remember to stop escaping.

True leisure should not be detrimental to my relationships, health, or holiness. However, I'm simply not capable of running 24/7 without a break just because I'm also running away from all of my bad leisure habits. Enter teapot.

Tea, that wonderfully comforting heirloom of liquid warmth, has been a symbol of true leisure for hundreds of years with good cause. It takes time to boil and steep and sip. And time to step away from the desperate current of my life is exactly what the doctor (and God) ordered for my sanity. This Christmas and New Year's, I made a rather broad resolution--I was going to seek to transform my life and the culture and lives around me through taking time from my slavery to time. I was going to sip tea while I played with my son after school--that way I felt like I was relaxing, but I wasn't escaping the little man who needed some calm attention to help him wind down after a busy day. When I noticed my husband and I having too many unfinished conversations or getting over-tired and harried, I would grab two tea-cups and invite him to have some snuggle and talk time on the couch after the baby went down for the night. When I was tempted to distract my thoughts with more useless information from the internet, I would sip tea and read my Bible or a spiritual reflection book instead--focusing my thoughts and enabling me to re-approach life with a proper perspective. When I felt lonely, I would invite a friend or family member to tea, instead of casting out messages on facebook, hoping to catch some cursory attention.

How has it worked? Well. I've had more authentic conversations, focused prayer and reading, and peaceful wind-down time with my son. I'm having tea every Wednesday in my Shakespeare elective with my students as we pour over the masterfully woven phrases of truth and wisdom. They said today that our little ritual is making it their favorite class.

Which brings up another point . . . I said that I dislike routine and schedules, but I love rituals. I treasure those familiar actions that involve the participants in a sweeping tide of historical meaning and cultural richness. I think that adding little rituals that promote authentic leisure in our lives are essential tools in our quest to build up a culture of life. When you take time to reorient yourself and to spend time giving yourself to others in genuine interactions, then you are affirming the value and dignity of human life. It is only by ignoring our fellow man and becoming wrapped in an ego-centric worldview that we can possibly reach the insane insensitivity to our fellow human beings that we witness in our world today.

Take out your favorite mug or tea cup and brew yourself a "time out" for sanity's sake. Give yourself a chance to appreciate the relationships, the home, and the world, which we work so hard to maintain and foster. Otherwise, we'll fall into the classic American trap of becoming "human-doings" rather than "human beings," and we'll forget to live in our struggle to merely survive.

Wedding Feast of Cana

2010-01-17T13:50:00.000-05:00

Fr. Tighe gave a beautiful homily today reflecting on the sacredness of the Sacrament of Marriage. I wanted to share some phrases that struck me in particular.

Mothers are the primary vocation directors within the Church.

What a blessing and a responsibility! Which raises other thoughts in my mind . . . Is our vocations crisis today largely due to mothers failing in thier calling to foster and encourage religious vocations? I can already see, from my few months with Baby James, how easy it would be for a mother to be selfish and to be afraid to face a life apart from thier precious boy or girl. The idea that my boy could be called to be a priest in another country or in a monastery (or married and far from home) takes courage to face. However, having seen the joy that can be found in discovering one's vocation, my deepest desire for my son is that he too will discover and follow God's plan for him. My mother-in-law once wisely said that, in a sense, we raise our children (espeically boys) to give them away. May God bless me with the needed detachment to love my son 110% and still to support him 110% in his pursuit of God's will.

When you have problems in your marriage it's because of sin, because of selfishness. You deal with the sin, and your marriage will be repaired.

Too often, we see men and women (like Adam & Eve) pointing the finger of blame at a spouse. It's his anoying habits, her credit card bill, his work, and her over-sensitivity . . . Rather, we should make a resolution to rid ourselves of the excuses covering the broken and dirty areas of our hearts. Family prayer may be the glue that sticks a family together; frequent Confession and an honest examination of conscience is what cleans out the grit and grime so that "glue" can stick. I'm incredibly blessed to be married to a faithful, loving, and godly man, but that doesn't mean that we too have not and will not reach obstacles that we need to work through together.

Jesus, help all married couples and parents to imitate your parents, Joseph & Mary, as they struggle to create a domestic church and lead each other to heaven.

Gingerbread Biscotti

2010-01-13T11:10:00.001-05:00

Every Christmas, I like to learn a new winter-ish dessert recipe. They inevitably include my baking nemesis--melted chocolate. However, several burnt bags of chocolate chips later, I usually conquer the darn things and embark on yet another year of cooking without a double-boiler. This year's recipe was Gingerbread Biscotti. The flavor is not too intense (you could make them spicier if you'd like), but pleasantly Christmasy & excellent with coffee, a mocha, or hot tea. Per the many requests I've received, here's the recipe (changed significantly from this one.)

Gingerbread Biscotti

Ingredients

1 stick of butter
1 cup white sugar (or a little less)
3 eggs
1/4 cup molasses
2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup whole wheat flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 1/2 tablespoons ground ginger
3/4 tablespoon ground cinnamon
1/2 tablespoon ground cloves
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
[I made all the spice measurements slightly heaping . . . rounded on top? . . . whatever--add a little]
1 bag white choc. chips

Directions

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. Grease a cookie sheet.
In a large bowl, mix together all dry ingredients and cut in butter until it is in small crumbles; mix in eggs & molasses [I mixed those together first] to form a stiff dough.
Divide dough in half, and shape each half into a roll the length of the cookie sheet. [The dough is a bit crumbly.] Place rolls on cookie sheet, and pat down [lightly!] to flatten the dough to 1/2 inch thickness.[Finished "loves" are about 4" by 12+".]
Bake in preheated oven for 25 minutes. Remove from oven, and set aside to cool.
When cool enough to touch, cut into 1/2 inch thick diagonal slices [press a large knife more than "sawing" or else they may crumble]. Place sliced biscotti on cookie sheet, and bake an additional 5 to 7 minutes on each side, or until toasted and crispy.
Melt white choc chips. [microwaving for 1 min. in a glass bowl works well; just mix in the un-melted ones and they'll melt in too]. Dip the bottoms of each cookie in the chocolate (let the extra drip off). Place upside-down on the cookie-sheet to harden. [You could probably dip the melted choc. in crushed peppermint sticks or hazelnuts, but I didn't try that yet].
Dare yourself to eat just one and then stop--it's not possible.

Tri-Tip Triumph

2010-01-13T10:32:00.001-05:00

One of my challenges as a wife (and mother) is to make delicious, nutritious, affordable food for our little family. Right now, I'm working full-time, so I don't always have an hour + to marinate, roast, carve, etc. My other struggle is I really really dislike having the same flavors (or repeat foods) too often in a row--it's a weird kind if picky-ness.

Fortunately, I love new cooking challenges. Here was my creative solution for last week (I only had one day with enough time to make something lengthy.)
Day 1: Tri-tip roast [1 hr.]
Oven-cooked in a cast iron pan with carrots and potatoes; smothered & seasoned in beer, Lawry's seasoning salt (no MSG!), and a splash of Worcestershire sauce; the root veggies picked up the flavor of the meat beautifully!
Day 2: Roast beef sandwiches [lunch] [5 min.]
Trader Joe's [mu favorite grocery store!] sells sliced Gouda cheese (or Munster) & hearth breads for the same price as (typically cheaper) normal ingredients; the sandwiches were filling & easy to pack
Day 2: Stuffed baked potatoes [15-20 min.]
Admission--I microwaved the potatoes; then, I shaved off some of the leftover roast & mixed it with a local BBQ sauce; finally I layered the huge potatoes with raw cheddar cheese, lightly steamed (frozen) broccoli, and meat; delicious!
Day 3: Beef Quesadillas [15-20 min.]
I tossed more shaved roast with homemade taco seasoning (easy) and pan-warmed it; put it with Mex. cheese mix on tortillas (I always keep some of both frozen); melted & crisped them a bit in a buttered pan; topped the finished slices with re-fried pinto beans (w/ cilantro & lime; from a can, but this could be a frozen leftover) & sour cream.

$12 roast --> 4 meals = not bad at all! This could all be done with a cooked whole-chicken (or two) as well (not as hard as it looks), and the last two dinners work just fine with leftover, browned ground beef.

*not my picture :)

Rites of Passage

2009-12-30T17:55:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I was speaking with my sister & mother-in-law about birth order and the importance of "milestones" as you grow up. By milestones, I do not mean just "big years" like 16, 18, and 21--important because of state-mandated minimum ages for driving, smoking, voting, and drinking alcohol. Rather, we spoke of individual rites of passage within the family: when the girls could wear make-up or go on a date, when the boys could shoot a gun or go on a special trip with dad, and when each child could begin to have a later bedtime.

It occurred to me that, in our "everyone is perfectly equal, non-discriminatory" culture, siblings (and only children) are not told to wait for much of anything. Why should Susie get to go to sleep over at a friends' house when Mary can't just because Susie is two years older? "That's not fair!" cry younger siblings and equal-opportunists everywhere. But perhaps it's not only fair (with maturity comes greater trust and responsibility), but necessary.

I would propose that children who are not given milestones or "rites of passage" to look forward to within the family will seek out their own "big firsts" outside of the family. Instead of understanding a gradation of privileges as they approach adulthood, they only see two options. Either they are children who can do practically anything and get almost anything OR they are adults who always can do what they want and get what they want. This dynamic may exist for spoiled children who are placated by their guilt-ridden working parents, and it may also be a warped mentality in a family that just failed to properly distinguish between the maturity levels of the children. The result is that the children, seeking to be "adult," look for adult activities and pleasures. Too too often this leads to early experimentation in sexually-focused relationships as well as a curiosity in drugs and alcohol. They will look for something that is forbidden now but will mark an entrance into a more adult world when they achieve their goal.

Rites of passage are a richly cultural part of life. Our Roman Catholic culture and tradition offers a gradation of Sacraments (especially within the Rites of Initiation) that are intended to reflect and augment the spiritual maturity of the individual. Many successful organizations have employed the same technique (the scouts come to mind.) Each family is called to be a domestic church and also a building block within the larger community. Thus, each family should have, to some extent, their own culture, complete with these rites of passage and age or maturity based privileges and gifts.

Ideas:
*In my dad's large family when ge grew up, you had to be a certain age before you received your own bike.
*My sisters and I each eagerly anticipated our 12 year old weekend trip with mom (where we learned about the birds and the bees and received a beautiful chastity ring).
* My cousins and I each had special trips that we went on with our grandparents at ages 7, 10, & 12. We would go to an historical/educational location like Colonial Williamsburg or Lancaster County, PA.
*We had certain ages in my family for when we could wear make-up, get our ears pierced, date, sleep-over, stay up later, start practicing driving, etc.

Please share your own ideas and traditions. As I start my family, this is something I'd love to have in mind (both through delayed privileges and through unique experiences).

English as a Philosophically Inexact Language

2009-12-11T07:51:00.001-05:00

Another fascinating conversation with Dr. von Hildebrand revolved around the fact that English is fundamentally a philosophically inexact language. She affirmed that while English places a large vocabulary at the disposal of its speakers, it does not contain substantially different terms for important philosophical terms like love (we always read of the three Latin verbs that help us distinguish "pizza love" from "love of God"), shame, or to know. Thus, she said philosophy is much easier to practice and write on in German or French (or even Spanish and Italian at times) than English. This is why some great works of philosophy and theology (like her husband's books) take so long to be published in America. Let's look at some examples she brings up:

TO KNOW
Spanish contains two verbs in place of our one: "saber" & "conocer". Dr. von Hildebrand says that this distinction makes it much easier to know if the writer is speaking of a factual knowledge of something or a deeper, interpersonal relationship. Without this distinction, those two types of knowledge seem to be on metaphysically equal or ambiguous footing, while nothing could be further from the truth.

SHAME
In French, there are two words for this. The first (I don't remember the terms) is used when one has done something filthy and they should be embarrassed. The second is a type of "shame" that protects that which is secret and hidden in order to preserve its mystery. Dr. von Hildebrand says that our combination of the terms tends to default to the former connotation. Thus, when we read the Genesis account and then talk about modesty, there is a tendency to sound Puritanical--we have "shame" for our bodies and therefore keep them covered. She refutes this misunderstanding by saying that "my body is my secret," thus, I veil it appropriately as something mysterious (the second meaning of shame). This attitude protects the intimate sphere and preserves its beauty and profound interpersonal significance; otherwise, if our body is something we should be ashamed of, the whole intimate sphere suddenly seems to be "dirty."

[Ok, so after bashing the English language a bit, I had to honor it with a picture of the full Oxford English Dictionary set--the online version is a beautiful thing and has helped me to win many arguments about the denotation, connotation, and etymology of various words!]

Every Mom is a Working Mom

2009-12-08T22:09:00.000-05:00

"A woman who is devoted to her home and her family is, in fact, working in a very real sense and making a very real contribution to the development of the country. Let it not be thought that the process of nation building takes place only outside the home. The woman who gives her time and talents to her home and family is not depriving her family by not earning a salary. On the contrary, she is making a very significant contribution to her children in a way no money can supply."
-Bishops of Kenya, Joint Pastoral Letter, 1979

Beautiful quotation I nabbed off of a friend's Facebook page!

Being All Things To All Men

2009-12-08T21:55:00.001-05:00

I remember struggling with that line from St. Paul (1 Cor 9:22) as I began my mission work with FOCUS several years ago. How can one be "all things to all men" and still be authentically yourself? There are some things I will just never be able to be or pretend to be--like an avid sports fan or video game addict. The thing I initially struggled with most was relating to the language of the "typical" college student. At Christendom, I had become used to a high level of common vocabulary filled with theological, philosophical, historical, and literary allusions and humor. Then, God placed me in a beach town with kids who spoke mostly about tv, current movies, modern music, celebrity news, clothes, and coffee. I couldn't relate. With prayer, a slice or five of humble pie, and a "studied" attention to modern lingo (I'm a nerd), I developed my own way of speaking to modern culture. Often, this required me to use casual analogies comparing spiritual realities with the material world, to not "shy away" from words like "sex" and "masturbation," and to re-word Biblical stories to reflect the language my students were used to hearing (apart from vulgarities). My new rhetorical approach "worked"--I had people's attention and didn't feel intellectually arrogant. However, I soon noticed a problem.

Shallow language can only communicate shallow ideas. [Shallow language = that which is fully made up of vulgarities or the word "like" used in all grammatical positions or goofy chatter about materialistic concerns] This is not to say, however, that only eloquent intellectuals can communicate about lofty theological principles. Simple language can communicate truths--and deep truths at that. I began to feel that intermixing too much "shallow" talk with a Christian message seemed to cheapen that which was communicated. It was like trying to improve on a diamond's beauty by surrounding it with a setting of plastic gemstones. I noticed a shift in my language and manner of communication after this minor epiphany, but I could never quite figure out why it rubbed to call "sex" by that common name, etc.

Dr. Alice von Hildebrand recently helped me to understand this discomfort I had been feeling. She spoke of the importance of using exact and beautiful language when discussing sacred things. Dr. von Hildebrand said that she is shocked to hear God referred to as "the big man upstairs" as if the God of the Universe is Joe from next door. She emphatically stated that casual terminology like this is a reflection of the general loss of reverence for the sacred and the loss of respect for authority that we have in our everything-should-be-a-democracy culture. I hope I never made this big of a blunder in my attempts at analogies, but she also mentioned the scandal that can result from attempts to "connect" to a modern audience with phrases like: John Paul II completed the sexual revolution begun by Hugh Hefner (actual phrase from a well-known apologist). Some elements of modern culture are so "filthy" [I agree with her terminology regarding porn.] that they should not ever be related to anything beautiful and true in the spiritual realm. She also applied this importance of reverent language to what she consistently calls the "intimate sphere." Dr. von Hildebrand clarified, "Animals copulate but humans procreate. Animals have sex but humans have the martial embrace." We are not most like the animals in our reproductive abilities; we are most unlike the animals in this realm. They merely reproduce, while we have a mutual affirmation of persons in a loving embrace that has the potential to be uniquely touched by God when the fruit of that love is blessed with a newly created soul. Wow . . .

So, how then are we to "be all things to all men" and connect to a spiritually disconnected and apathetic culture? Dr. von Hildebrand reminisced that her husband, Dietrich, often spoke of the "apostolate of being." When you are not in a position to witness to someone effectively with your words, you witness to them with your life. Eventually, if you are living a truly, authentic Christian life, they will see that you have peace and joy in the face of every blessing and obstacle in life. Their curiosity will open doors for conversations that may not have been possible otherwise. Then, when the opportunity arises, speak of He Whom you know and love, and speak of Him with reverence and with the beautiful language that ought to accompany profound truths.

Reflecting on her words, I think I understand that verse much better now. One is authentically "all things" to others by being humble enough to empathize with them and exercise true charity. It is by serving them in love that you gain a hearing for the Good News of Him who loved all and served those whom He led. God doesn't need a gimmicky marketing department for his work upon earth. He just needs authentic lovers to speak of Him and to teach others to love. It is by responding to the cry of those who share our common human desire (a longing for love and truth) in humility and reverence for God and His creation that we can best be apostles like Paul.

Me in the Presence of Wisdom = A Sponge

2009-12-05T10:54:00.001-05:00

One of the women I admire most (who is living today) is Alice von Hildebrand. Few people have her wisdom, humor, intellectual curiosity, integrity, and intense love of God and spouse. Her writing has been a source of inspiration to me for the last 6 years or so, since someone handed me The Priviledge of Being a Woman.

I had the privilege of hearing her speak and of spending some time in personal conversation with her this week. In 15-20 minutes of conversation, we talked about my college, feminist literary criticism (she was able to speak the book Persuasion with a better memory for the details than I had after writing a thesis on it several years ago), philosophically inexact languages, womanly receptivity, her "trinity" of favorite composers, motherhood, etc. In the course of that conversation, she mentioned words or phrases from 6 languages, including quoting Virgil in Latin and Dante in Italian as we spoke of literature and its relationship to philosophy. And yet, she claims to "not [be] a scholar," to be only "trying to be a philosopher," and to not really be a linguist but only someone who is interested in languages and has studied several. Her modesty is genuine, and her insight into this world and the next is profound. I will attempt in my next few posts to record some of the beautiful things I have learned from her this week.

As a reminder as we approach a time of year with many social gatherings:
Learn from those who have walked the path before you. Ask them about themselves, and you will learn about yourself through their experiences. And never ignore the person sitting silently in the corner; they may be the one God has entrusted with a gem of knowledge to give you in return for your hospitality of spirit.

Mom Song

2009-12-05T09:00:00.000-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wkc9-SvqfDM&feature=related
Yet another attempt to make kid's music "cool"--but I love acapella, so maybe I'll give this one my stamp of approval. Meanwhile, I have to be a sucker for songs praising moms. (Maybe this song is Go Fish's way of marketing themselves to moms. Smart. Much better than singing purple dinosaurs or a gyrating guy's group.)

Advent Aspirations

2009-11-28T12:19:00.002-05:00

Try to step away from the commercial Christmas that began a week before Thanksgiving. Ignore the hypnotic, strobe-style led lights and sale signs for two seconds . . . or four weeks. Tomorrow begins Advent. This is one of my favorite liturgical seasons. It gives me a chance to reflect on the past year, make a resolution for how I will prepare my heart and mind for Christ's coming, and enjoy the time with friends and family that reflects the hospitality we wish to extend to the Christ Child. How will you prepare for the real Christmas Season--the one that starts on December 25th? Here are some things I have done on my own or with my family in the past:

*Make an Advent resolution (after all this is the liturgical New Year). Decide on one thing to add to your daily routine to make Christ more concretely the center of your daily life. This Advent, I'm going to return to 15-20 min. of daily spiritual reading. I know that I'll have time to do it while nursing, so it's a manageable goal for me right now.

*Decorate a Jesse tree. Make ornaments that reflect Biblical stories of the Old Testement that pre-figured the coming of Christ and/or involved his ancestors (from the line of Jesse).

*Go to an Advent penance service (or just normal confession hours). As John the Baptist exhorted his followers, we must prepare the way of the Lord with a renunciation of sin.

*Listen to a performance or CD of Handel's "Messiah." This was something my mom always did. My friend and I continued the tradition by going to the Messiah sing-a-long at the Kennedy Center one year. This piece of music is a beautiful, Scriptural reflection on the Incarnation and life of Christ.

*Set up your nativity set WITHOUT baby Jesus (he gets to arrive on Christmas).

*Make a "manger" for baby Jesus. This can be any box or basket. Put a pile of straw (or yellow felt strips) next to it. Tell the family members that each time they do something to take initiative or to make a sacrifice (give up eating that piece of candy, doing dishes without complaining, cleaning up their room, etc.) they get to put one piece of straw in the crib for baby Jesus. The goal is to make a soft bed for His arrival on Christmas. Meanwhile, everyone is preparing their hearts for Him. Wrap a baby doll in a blanket to be Baby Jesus and place him in the manger on Christmas.

*Light an Advent wreath each Sunday at dinner or daily with family night prayers. My family would do this and sing an Advent song like "Come, O' Come Emmanuel."

*Celebrate the feast of Saint Nicholas on Dec. 6th. It's a great opportunity to focus on gift-giving as an expression of generosity and care of those who are less fortunate.

*Pick a person off of the "angel-tree" or whatever your church community calls it. Help someone who is less fortunate than you.

*Look up the Christian symbolism behind Christmas trees, candy-canes, evergreens, stars, etc.

*Use an Advent Calendar to count down the days. I love the ones with Scripture verses written in them.

*Say the Christmas Novena--one of the most beautiful, simple prayers I've learned. You say it 15 times each day from the feast of St. Andrew (Nov. 30th) until Christmas. I used to think that was silly. Now, I realize that (1) it shows my fervor for the intention of my novena and (2) by the 12th time I'm saying it or so I've stopped thinking about what we're going to buy Uncle Dan, how to make that fruit cake I had the other night, and when I need to put in the next load of laundry--NOW I'm focused on the words I'm saying.

Anyone have any other ideas or great family Advent traditions?

Poopy Diapers & Attitudes

2009-11-28T11:40:00.002-05:00

I'm not perfect . . . there. I said it. Now I just have to repeat it to myself until I'm ok with the idea. Some days the poopy diapers are only outnumbered by my poopy attitude.

As much as I love my son, I can't help looking at him on his fussy days and saying, "Lovey, I will dance with you, play with you, walk with you, snuggle with you, sleep with you, feed you, change you . . . pretty much anything, but if you continue to be so sad without an apparent cause I'm going to end up crying with you." The transition from single life to marriage almost pales in comparison to the transition made when a woman becomes a mother. On the "poopy attitude" days, being an at-home mom can feel isolating, being someone's primary source of comfort and nutrition can be draining and not terribly flattering (gotta love not getting a shower until lunch time & having your favorite blouse embellished by dried milk spit-up), and talking about all the textures "we're" touching and the sounds of animals can make me crave some higher-level intellectual dialog. Most of all, I struggle with not feeling "productive." I have lists of chores, piles of homework, and personal pampering things that are perpetually on the back burner.

Perhaps Mary is revered as the first of Christ's disciples because she was the first to understand God's perspective of our lives--a perspective that was revealed to her through her motherhood. Mary seemed to be a simple pregnant girl who was probably only accepted by her fiance out of pity. Yet, the extreme dignity of her supernatural vocation, though hidden, was the reality that defined her life and true identity. This supernaturalization of the natural and simple is the icon Our Lord gave us to emulate.

From this perspective, the trials of my life become my greatest blessings.
*My temporary isolation at home during the day helps me to recognize the blessings of community and the loneliness of those who are not blessed with the friends and family that I have been given to assist me. Christ also reminds me of my total dependence on Him when I realize my own strength is insufficient for my daily tasks.

*When I look in the mirror and don't see a magazine-perfect face and outfit smiling back, the Spirit reminds me that I have been called to share in a deeper understanding of Christ's words, "This is my body, given up for you." The greatest moment of Christ's life and self-gift to us was far from an airbrushed magazine smile too.

*Though it may not impress an Oxford scholar, my simple conversation and interaction with my little one is providing the building blocks of language, the foundation for sensory development, and the fundamentals of moral perspective for him for the rest of his life. Few teachers in a school can have that intimate and profound of an influence on their students. If the God of the Universe spoke in parables so that we may learn, this high school teacher can manage to speak in a baby-babble and instructive monologue.

*As I re-center my world, I have to realize that the world's view of productivity is not what defines my life. The immediate needs of my husband and son are much higher on the priority list than swapping out my summer dresses for my sweaters and winter pants. My house isn't ready for an HGTV feature presentation to be filmed in it . . . so what?

To stretch a weak metaphor--the great thing about stinky diapers and attitudes is that they both can be changed. God grant me the grace to keep your perspective of my life. Help me to see the supernatural significance in the natural and sometimes frustrating elements of my daily life.

PC Lingo

2009-11-25T12:39:00.004-05:00

Recently, I saw a Toys "R" Us catalog marketed to "Differently Abled Kids." Now, I'm all for toys that help children with disabilities to play and learn, but I don't think marketers need to sound like they have a language disability in order to appeal to their target group. Maybe I shouldn't expect much from a company that thinks that placing quotation marks around the "R" in their name is a proper abbreviation for "are." Plus, the R is backwards; further proof that they are somehow confused into thinking that writing like a kindergartner will make Sally buy more Barbies. Let's pretend someone said it was "catchy" and the rest of us agreed, and we'll return to my original, grammatical rant.

Since when is "abled" an adjective . . . or a word? I guess that prefix of "dis" was WAY too negative for the PC dictators somewhere. Now I start getting confused. Are these toys for kids who are different because they are "gifted" (another ambiguous educational term)? No. Oh, they must be kids who have different talents! No. They are kids who are not able to do certain things, so we made toys specifically with their abilities and potentialities in mind. Since they are only lacking some abilities and not all abilities, we just call them "differently abled." Oh, ok. Was that random hyphen between "different" and "abled" supposed to tell me all of that?

How about that word "different;" won't that make them feel excluded. downtrodden, outcast? Shouldn't it be "Uniquely Abled?" Or you could just make up another adjective. That would effectively confuse the masses! Black Friday is pretty much just about materialistic mayhem anyways, right? Who said it has to make sense?

Breakfast Anyone?

2009-11-25T12:08:00.002-05:00

Almost Healthy Potato "Hash" by Me :)

1) Brown & crumble 1 lb. mild country sausage [w/o MSG!, organic is ideal]; drain but retain oil separately & put sausage aside

2) In the same pan, use a little of the sausage grease to cook and lightly brown (but not fry or burn!):
1 onion diced small
2 large cloves of garlic mashed

3) Add a ton of red potatoes (maybe 6-9? I do about 2 per person) diced really small (as in 1/2" cubes or smaller; they cook faster this way which maintains their shape before the starch gets mushy). You may need some more grease (or butter) to make sure they don't stick.

4) Brown them on medium heat with a cover just tilted just enough to let some steam escape. Leave them ALONE for 5 min. at a time to let them really cook through and brown nicely. Then, given them a turn with a spatula. Repeat until cooked through. If they are not cooked through in 15-20 min., add a few tablespoons of water to steam them a bit more.

5) When the potatoes are almost done, add more sea salt than you think is necessary (more salt is always good on hash-browns!), grate some black pepper, and sprinkle a thin layer of paprika over it all. Toss a bit with the spatula. Add the sausage back in.

6) When it's all warmed through and the potatoes are soft (but not mush!); it's done

7) Icing on the cake additions: Sprinkle a flavorful, raw milk, aged cheddar cheese on top and/or fry an egg (free-range are sunny-yellow and flavorful) and put it on top.

Enjoy!

Household Heroism

2009-11-18T09:26:00.006-05:00

Last weekend, a priest challenged me re-embrace my call to sainthood, the common vocation Catholics call the "universal call to holiness." But, he didn't call it that--he told me to be a daily hero in my home.

Sometimes I think it's easier to be a hero (or a saint) outside of the home, in the full view of all the people you want to impress. My mom always said, "You're not a saint until you're a saint at home." So true. So how is one a hero at home?

I must be a servant to those whom I love. In this I will be emulating Christ, who said the "last shall be first" and washed his disciples' travel-worn feet to seal this lesson in their hearts. Servant leadership is not just about doing what is necessary, but rather it requires the initiative to discover and fulfill both the necessary tasks as well as the hidden needs and desires of the people I am called to serve. A servant doesn't expect anyone to "owe" him anything or thank him for his work; he just does what he must and does it well.

I must sacrifice my comfort for the good of others--without complaining! (Not my specialty.) Moms are often the last to bed, last to eat, first to rise, first to respond to any domestic emergency, first to question the inner workings of the social dynamic in her home, and often the last to receive answers that satisfy her longing to understand those she loves. For years, I have watched my own mother waking at the crack of dawn to start her morning routine. No matter what else happened that day, I've always quietly admired her heroism for waking before the sun so that she is ready spiritually and physically for another day poured out in love for her family.

I must make sound and just judgments of the things I hear and see in order to develop my own mind, to help my husband decide a course of action for myself and my family, and to guide my children to truth. Mindlessly following parenting books doesn't cut it. My own beliefs and understanding of truth must be strong enough and consistent enough to help me make quick (and creative) decisions when the occasion arises. [Eg: Billy hits Mary, and suddenly, mom is the police, judge, jury, and doctor all at once. Who has time to ask "What would Dr. Dobson do?" Mom is lucky if she gets so far as praying for patience.]

Finally, I am called to have unflagging dedication to a worthy cause, namely, my family. My husband and new son must define the "theme" for each moment of my life. [See Alice vonHildebrand's By Love Refined: Letters to a Young Bride for a beautiful reflection on that concept!] My vocation defines my time and interests more than any cursory avocation. This is not to say that I am limited and somehow have to embody some vague, domestic, barefoot and pregnant culinary icon. This cause, my family, my vocation . . . this is what makes me most free. Perhaps, the person who gives of her time, abilities, and resources in one area may look as if she has said "no" to a host of other options. Really, she has said "yes" to something (or some persons in the case of a vocation to marriage & family) much more profound than a dilettante's brief romances with sundry people, concepts, and things. My vocation is my path to holiness. It is a life-long love story with all the adventure, trials, triumphs, and sense of accomplishment I could desire.

I am not asked, fortunately, to become this "hero" on my own or within a short span of time. I have One who is Perfect to guide me, and He has infinite patience with my infinitesimal daily progress. Heroism isn't a sprint to the finish line for most of us; it is an epic journey. I wish you each bon voyage and, as the Spanish so beautifully say, vaya con Dios!

What are heroes made of?

2009-11-17T14:52:00.006-05:00

Recently, I decided that I really needed a good "brain candy" book to read. [Brain candy = easy, quick read with just enough substance to keep you interested but not enough to make your brain tired by following intriguing pathways of thought for hours afterward.] I choose to re-read Ender's Game, a story about a downtrodden young boy of extraordinary intelligence who goes to space-battle school and saves the world [like Harry Potter minus the hokus-pokus and mythological cliches]. Ender's teachers must accomplish an usual task--train a hero. Training a future hero and training a commander are two distinct tasks. The former is a matter of character and virtue; the later a combination of technical and leadership skills. So what makes a hero?

A hero is a servant leader who believes that personal sacrifice, independent thought, and consistent dedication to a cause are necessary elements of life.

First, he (or she) leads through service. Gratification of the ego is neither the goal nor the springboard for social networking and personal action. It is only by reaching outside of himself that he affirms and encourages others to achieve personal excellence. He knows his own abilities and his own weaknesses (the proper definition of humility according to C.S. Lewis in his The Four Loves); this honest self-knowledge helps him to know others.

Following upon that relationship with those whom he serves (and leads), a hero's life is never comfortable. You don't see Mother Teresa sipping martinis in a posh armchair as she regales others with tales of the squalor of the Indian ghettos. The best leaders, like David's general Uriah, refuse special treatment. Uriah, in 2 Sam 11:11 declares, "The servants of my lord are camping in the open field; shall I then go to my house, to eat and to drink, and to lie with my wife? As you live, and as your soul lives, I will not do this thing." A hero sleeps less, eats less, dresses less richly, and sacrifices other comforts for the sake of others. Like Shakespeare's Henry V, the good leader goes over and beyond what is required to care for others, to grant them "a touch of Harry in the night."

A leader must also be an independent and innovative thinker. Thinking with the crowd has never enabled someone to rise above the common man and become a hero. Solving disputes with justice rather than emotion, planning for success when failure looms at the door, creatively using resources to make the best of a bad situation, committing to a course of action or ideal when others want to temporize . . . these are the mental qualities of a leader. I've heard of notable cynics, but never a famous, lukewarm relativist. (Even the well-known cynics committed to an ideal and thought uniquely; it was just through a negation rather than an affirmation of a world view.) Heroes are the lights in dark times who inspire men to think and act beyond the limited sphere of their daily lives.

Finally, an unflagging dedication to a worthy cause marks a man with heroism. So many people in our world limit their fidelity to a cause to a few bucks in the missionary's offering basket, to a "fan" page link on Facebook, or to a membership to a "members only" coupon list. I can only be so harsh, because too often I find myself falling into that trap of surface support. If one is truly dedicated to a truth, a way of life, a culture, a religion, an avocation or a vocation, then one should pursue it ardently and perseveringly. Half-hearted attempts are rarely the "stuff" of epics, or heroes. Odysseus doesn't just "kinda try" to get home [though my students may argue this point], and Saint George doesn't just put the dragon in time out. A hero completes his quest and defeats all that oppose and harm the good.

True heroism is rare. Ender was isolated from true bonds of friendship in order to keep him independent from their negative influence and from the lazy habits of non-innovative group think. He was systematically deprived of sleep and a regular routine to strengthen his resilience to comfort. Ender also was psychologically manipulated into defending a cause (a world, really), while he often was more concerned with his personal thoughts, goals, and survival. He was generally good, but I'm not sure he was a true hero. However, I think that each of us can choose to pursue heroism, and I think we have a trainer that is far superior to Ender's.

[See next post, since this one has already advanced you toward heroism just by reading it . . . way too long. Sorry.]